One of the most damaging things about narcissists is that they can change the way you see yourself. They criticise you, dismiss your feelings, question your memory, and then blame you for THEIR bad behaviour. Over time, you can start to believe all of this is true.
You may begin to think you’re too sensitive. Too demanding. Too difficult. Or just not good enough.
But the things narcissists want you to believe often have less to do with who you are, and more to do with how they want you to see yourself. They may try to undermine your confidence so you’re easier to control and manipulate.
Here’s 10 things narcissists may try to make you believe about yourself…
Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
1. You’re Too Sensitive
You tell the narcissist that something they’ve said or done has hurt you. But instead of acknowledging it, they tell you that you’re being too sensitive. They may say…
“You can’t take a joke.”
“You’re always getting offended.”
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
After repeatedly hearing this, it’s natural to question your own reactions. “Am I really too sensitive?”
But being upset by someone’s behaviour doesn’t automatically mean you’re overly sensitive. You’re allowed to have feelings, boundaries, and standards.
Narcissists like to convince you that you’re too sensitive, because it gives them an easy get out for bad behaviours. Because every time you complain, they can turn it around and blame your supposed sensitivity.
Someone who genuinely cares about you will at least consider your grievance. Even if they don’t necessarily agree with it. Automatically dismissing it shows they don’t care.
2. You’re The Problem
Narcissists are usually good at turning problems back onto other people. So when you raise an issue, they bring up all the things they think are wrong with you.
You point out their behaviour, and somehow you end up defending yourself. Eventually, you may begin to think that you are the problem, not them.
Of course, nobody gets everything right. We all make mistakes and contribute to relationship problems at times.
But there’s a big difference between accepting responsibility for your mistakes, and accepting responsibility for everything. If every disagreement ends with you being blamed, then it’s worth paying attention to the pattern. Because this is not realistic.
Please CLICK HERE For How To Boost Your Confidence After A Narcissist Relationship
3. Nobody Else Would Put Up With You
A narcissist may try to convince you that you’re difficult, demanding, or impossible to live with. They might imply that they’re doing you a favour by staying with you. You may hear things like…
“Nobody else would put up with you.”
“You’ll never find anyone who’ll love you like I do.”
Statements like this can erode your confidence. If you believe that no one else would ever want you, then you’re more likely to stay and tolerate their bad behaviours.
4. You’re Lucky To Have Them
The opposite approach is to convince you that they’re more valuable than you. They may constantly remind you of everything they supposedly do for you.
They might suggest that you’re lucky they chose you, lucky they’re still with you, or you’re lucky to have their attention.
Over time, you may see the relationship as something you need to earn, rather than something that should be mutually beneficial. And this is what they want.
Healthy relationships aren’t supposed to work that way. You shouldn’t have to constantly prove you’re worthy of someone’s affection.
5. You Can’t Trust Your Own Memory
Gaslighting can cause someone to question their own recollection of events. You remember something happening one way. The narcissist insists it happened differently.
You remember something they said. They deny ever saying it.
You point out a contradiction. They tell you that you’re confused.
After enough of this, you may stop trusting your own memory.
Narcissists want you to stop trusting your memory because then they can give you their version of reality. Which allows them to distort it and rewrite the past. And their revisions will always benefit them.
Everyone can forget things at times. But repeatedly being told that your recollections are wrong can have a profound effect on your confidence. Even if they tell you in a half-joking way.
6. You’re Selfish For Having Boundaries
You tell them you don’t want to do something. They accuse you of being selfish.
You ask for some time alone. You’re told that you don’t care about them.
You refuse to lend them money. You’re accused of being selfish.
Narcissists benefit when you believe that having boundaries makes you a bad person. Because if you feel guilty every time you say no, then you’re easier to control.
Having boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care about other people. It means you recognise that your needs and limits matter too. Which is absolutely how it should be.
Please CLICK HERE For How To Maintain Boundaries With Narcissists
7. You Can’t Do Anything Right
Constant criticism can eventually make you feel as though you’re incapable of getting anything right.
You cook dinner. They complain it’s over cooked, or under cooked..
You clean the house. They find something you missed.
You make an effort to please them. They move the goalposts.
Eventually, you may stop trusting your own judgement. And become more focussed on avoiding mistakes than on living your life.
This is one reason why constant criticism can be so damaging. It’s not just the criticism. It’s the cumulative effect of repeatedly being told you’re not good enough.
Please CLICK HERE For How Narcissists Use Hypnosis To Manipulate You
8. You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself
Some narcissists use shame to control others. They may mock your appearance, intelligence, career, relationships, etc.
Sometimes the criticism is disguised as humour…
“I’m only joking.”
Sometimes it’s presented as “tough love”…
“I’m only telling you because I care.”
This can cause you to feel embarrassed or ashamed of things that previously didn’t bother you. You may even censor yourself because you’re anticipating their reaction.
Someone repeatedly making you feel ashamed doesn’t automatically make their criticism valid. Their opinion of you isn’t an objective measurement of your worth. Especially when they’re manipulative and biased.
9. You Need Them
One of the most powerful beliefs a narcissist can encourage is that you can’t cope without them.
They may undermine your confidence in your decision making. Tell you that you couldn’t manage financially without them. Or repeatedly remind you of everything they supposedly do for you.
Eventually, you may begin to think that you can’t cope without them. But this is rarely true.
In fact narcissists usually need you more than you need them. But they don’t want you to know this, because it hands power to you.
10. You Don’t Deserve Better
Perhaps the most damaging message of all is that you deserve their harsh treatment. If someone has spent years telling you that you’re difficult, selfish, over sensitive, and unlovable, then you may eventually believe this picture they painted.
You may conclude that the narcissist and their poor treatment is the best you can expect.
Just remember, that being repeatedly criticised doesn’t make the criticism true. Being treated badly doesn’t mean you deserve it. And having made mistakes in your life doesn’t mean you deserve to spend the rest of it being humiliated, controlled, or constantly made to feel inadequate.
Final Thoughts
Narcissistic abuse isn’t just about what they do to you. It’s also about what their repeated words and behaviours cause you to believe about yourself.
If you’re constantly told that you’re too sensitive, too difficult, selfish, incapable or unlovable, then those messages can become your internal voice. You may find you criticise yourself in the same way the narcissist did.
That’s why recovery isn’t just about getting away from the narcissist. It also involves rebuilding your perception of yourself.
Narcissists program your mind like hypnosis, by repeatedly telling you you how inferior and broken you are. Years of this is drummed in until your mind accepts it.
Fortunately hypnotherapy can reprogram the narcissists negative suggestions, and replace them with more positive ones. Please check out my hypnosis session for narcissistic abuse bellow…
Please CLICK HERE For My “Healing From A Narcissist” Hypnosis Session
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