As many of you know, I’m a clinical hypnotherapist. So I find it fascinating how some of the techniques used in hypnosis can also appear in narcissistic relationships.
Hypnosis isn’t simply someone sitting in a chair with their eyes closed while they’re told what to do. It involves techniques that can influence attention, expectations, emotions and the way we respond to particular suggestions.
For example, a hypnotherapist might repeatedly associate the thought of smoking a cigarette with feelings of disgust, helping to change the person’s automatic response to smoking.
And a formal hypnotic trance isn’t always necessary for suggestion to influence someone.
This is where things get interesting when it comes to narcissistic abuse.
Narcissists may use repetition, suggestion, emotionally charged language, carefully worded questions and other forms of psychological influence to gradually affect the way you think about yourself and the world around you.
When someone has almost unlimited access to you, these messages can be repeated again and again. And the more familiar a suggestion becomes, the easier it can be for it to start feeling like your own thought.
Understanding these techniques can make them much easier to recognise — and reject.
Here are some of the ways narcissists use hypnosis-like techniques to manipulate you…
Narcissists Use Repetition
One of the most obvious hypnosis techniques is repetition. Narcissists often repeat certain words and phrases, because repetition drums these ideas into your subconscious mind. They may repeatedly tell you…
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re always causing problems.”
“Nobody else would put up with you.”
“You’re lucky to have me.”
At first, you may reject what they’re saying. But if you hear the same repeated message, it can gradually get harder to ignore. Until eventually, you start questioning yourself…
“Maybe I am too sensitive.”
“Maybe I really am difficult.”
“Maybe everything is my fault.”
This repetition doesn’t make the statement true. But it can make the statement more familiar. And familiarity makes an idea feel more believable. Especially when it’s repeated by someone whose opinion matters to you.
They Repeat Their Version Of Events
Narcissists may also repeatedly tell you something happened differently from how you remember it. For example…
“I never said that.”
“You’re remembering it wrong.”
“That isn’t what happened.”
“You’re making things up, again.”
If this keeps happening, then you may eventually stop trusting your own memory. Because repetition teaches you that it’s usually “wrong”. This is why repeated denial can be so damaging.
The narcissist doesn’t need you to completely believe them. You just need to be uncertain enough that their version seems possible. Then you’re likely to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Narcissists Use Suggestion
Suggestion is another important part of hypnotic communication. Hypnotherapists might carefully phrase a suggestion to encourage someone to relax, change a habit, or think differently about something.
A manipulative person can also make suggestions. But instead of encouraging positive change, they encourage things for their own benefit. Which is usually to your detriment. For example…
“Your friends don’t really care about you.”
“Your family has always treated you badly.”
“You can’t cope without me.”
“Nobody understands you like I do.”
These statements don’t directly tell you what to think. They plant an idea.
The narcissist may then repeat or reinforce this idea over time. Until eventually, you look for evidence that confirms it.
In the past I remember a narcissist online repeatedly telling me that he was worried about me, because of the amount of narcissism content I was producing. But I knew that his real motive was to shut me up. This is because it makes no sense to “worry” about a stranger online that you’ve never met!
They Use Pacing And Leading
In hypnotherapy, pacing and leading involves starting with things the patient recognises as true, then gradually move to suggestions. For example…
“You’re sitting comfortably. You’re breathing normally. And as you relax, you may begin to notice…”
The first statements are easy to agree with. The communication then gradually moves to the suggestions.
Narcissists use a similar conversational pattern. They might start with something you agree with…
“You know how stressful your family can be.”
You agree. Then…
“And you know how they never really understand you.”
Perhaps you agree again. Then…
“That’s why you need to listen to me instead.”
These individual statements can seem harmless. But the conversation can gradually direct you to conclusions that you might otherwise have rejected.
Ask Leading Questions
Questions can be surprisingly powerful. Instead of telling you what to believe, narcissists may ask questions to encourage you to reach the conclusion they want. For example…
“Why do you think everyone keeps taking advantage of you?”
“Don’t you think your friends are jealous of you?”
“Why would your family treat you like that if they actually cared?”
Their question contains an assumption. You aren’t being asked whether your friends are jealous. You’re being asked WHY they are jealous. This subtly moves the conversation past their assumption. As if it’s a fact. If you look for this, you may notice politicians do this all the time!
Use Emotional Language
Hypnotic communication often pays close attention to a person’s emotional state. Manipulative narcissists do something similar.
They may use emotionally charged words to make an event seem more significant, threatening, or personal than it is. For example…
“You completely betrayed me.”
“You obviously don’t care about me.”
“How could you possibly do this to me?”
Emotional intensity can make it difficult to step back and examine what’s actually being said. That’s because hypnotherapists and manipulators both know that emotion can bypass the more logical and rational conscious mind.
Repeat Compliments As Well As Criticism
Repetition isn’t always negative. Narcissists may repeatedly tell you things designed to make you feel special. For example…
“You’re the only person who understands me.”
“I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.”
“You’re different from everybody else.”
“You’re my soulmate.”
These statements can create a powerful emotional connection. Which bonds you to them.
This stronger bond can make you tolerate behaviour you wouldn’t normally accept. Because you remember all those earlier declarations of love and admiration.
Use Familiar Phrases To Trigger A Response
Repetition can also create associations. For example, every time you challenge the narcissist, they may say…
“Here we go again.”
Eventually, hearing those words make you feel defensive and anxious. Or perhaps they repeatedly say…
“You’re being dramatic again.”
You may eventually start questioning yourself before you’ve even finished your sentence. Because your mind associates that situation with the words the narcissist repeatedly uses.
So when you start complaining about the narcissist’s behaviour, a voice in your head might tell you that you’re being dramatic. Simply because the narcissist repeatedly says this in the same circumstances.
Overwhelm You With Word Salad
Some narcissists talk continuously during arguments. They flit between subjects. Bring up things from the past. Interrupt your responses. Then move on to a new subject, before you’ve had time to answer the first one.
This can leave you confused and mentally exhausted. Which can make you cling on to anything they say that has a shred of clarity.
So they may talk nonsense, then clearly tell you that you shouldn’t hang out with your friends. So your mind locks in on that suggestion, because it’s the only one that made sense.
They Use Your Own Words Against You
A skilled manipulator pays attention. They remember things you’ve said about your fears, insecurities and hopes. Then later, they repeat your own words back to you.
If you told them…
“I’m scared I’ll end up alone.”
They might later say…
“You’ll never find anyone else who’ll put up with you.”
This is incredibly powerful, because it builds on beliefs you already have.
When I was training to be a hypnotherapist, we were taught to repeat back things patients tell us. Because their subconscious mind will more readily accept them.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists gradually program your subconscious mind over months and years. Slowly implanting negative suggestions to bring you down.
Narcissists know that confident self assured people are more difficult to control. So they gradually erode your self esteem, to give them the upper hand.
After a while you can experience a negative voice in your head that tells you that you’re not good enough. Many people think this voice is themselves, but it’s not. It’s the voice the narcissist implanted through repeated suggestions.
The good news is that although narcissist can negatively program your subconscious mind, hypnotherapy can replace them with positive suggestions.
Please check out the link bellow for my hypnosis session for victims of narcissists…
Hypnosis Session For Victims Of Narcissists
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