Underneath the bravado, narcissists are insecure. They NEED people around them to validate their existence. To tell them how great they are. To listen to their problems. And do them favours.
Most narcissists know deep down they’re not easy to get on with. But because they need people, they devise ways to trap them into being around them.
Here’s some of the ways narcissists trap people into spending time with them…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Love Bombing
Particularly at the beginning of romantic relationships, narcissists “love bomb”. They act nice, caring, and considerate. (Note the word “act”!) Not out of the goodness of their heart. But to draw people in.
They get people emotionally invested in them. To care for them. To love them.
They know this emotional connection makes it more likely people will make time for them. And less likely to run away once they unveil their narcissistic ways.
They create a bond, knowing that conscientious and caring people don’t like to break them.
Play The Victim
This is a favourite of many narcissists – play the victim. They create a situation where they become dependant on the other person.
Often they go down the mental health route. And explain how they feel down or suicidal. Then expect you to be their rescuer.
Once they’ve established your role, they know they can contact you whenever they want attention, and play on their “problems”.
Most caring and compassionate people find it difficult to turn someone down who’s in need. And the narcissist is fully aware of this.
They expect you to be their carer. And happily use emotional blackmail and guilt tripping to re-enforce this.
Be Giving
Narcissists sometimes buy gifts, pay for meals, or give in some other way. Purely so the receiver feels beholden to them.
Narcissists know those “weak” neurotypicals feel guilty saying no at the best of times. And after receiving a gift, it’s almost impossible.
Don’t be surprised if after they give you something, a narcissist asks for your time, or something else. They don’t do anything for nothing!
Narcissists Ask For A Favour
Narcissists sometime ask for favours that as a bye product, require you to spend time with them. It could be something seemingly unrelated, such as borrowing a phone charger. But the narcissist knows they’ll see you when you drop the charger off. AND when you pick it up.
That’s two visits for the price of one! And once they have your presence, they try and keep you for as long as they can.
Involve Others
If a narcissist feels someone’s not spending enough time with them, then they might resort to telling others. They might complain how you’re not spending time with them, being mean to them etc. And give the sob story.
The narcissist hopes this person confronts you about why you’re being mean. Or why you’ve fallen out with them.
This is designed to pressure you into spending more time with them. By using others to pressure you.
Isolate
Narcissists find ways to isolate people, so they spend more time with them.
In a romantic setting, they might persuade their partner to move to another area with them. Or quit their job. Have children, etc.
They might throw strops when they visit friends or family. Quickly they learn it’s not worth bothering. So they stick around for the narcissist.
Some narcissists fill people’s time so much, they have little time to spend with anyone else. If they’re not around them, then they phone and message almost constantly. And expect an immediate response at all times.
Once the narcissist has you all to themselves, they have an almost unlimited supply of attention. ALL your energy is focussed on them. And that’s exactly what they want.
Strip Someone’s Self Esteem
This is a nasty one, but some narcissists go out their way to strip someone of their self esteem. They aim to make them less confident and less assertive.
They know they can more easily control someone who’s unsure of themselves. They’re less likely to have the confidence to break away and leave them. And less likely to be assertive enough to say “no”.
Narcissists use subtle digs to begin with. If you object, they accuse you of having no sense of humour. Or say they were joking.
They may back off for a while if you fight back. But it’s never long before they rekindle the put downs.
Eventually you learn to accept them as a “normal” part of your relationship. And once you’ve accepted these digs as ”banter”, they up the ante. And the digs become nastier and more frequent.
They learn how far they can push you. And aim to push you to your limits without going over. And the more self esteem they strip from you, the more attention they can extract.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists see people as service providers that exist to serve their needs. They expect those in their life to give them attention whenever they want it.
They learn many ways to trap someone. And make them feel obliged to spend time with them.
Narcissist act nice at the beginning of a friendship or relationship. But they can’t keep up the nice act forever. And they know it. So they find ways to lock people in, and work hard to stop them breaking free.
If you feel suffocated, claustrophobic, and like you can’t say “no” to someone. Then you might be snared in a narcissists trap.
Remember, you’re only responsible for yourself. And you’re perfectly entitled to do with your time what YOU choose.
The only pressure that actually exists is the pressure you allow yourself to feel. You are the master of your own destiny. And it’s up to YOU how you spend your time.
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Fun Fact: Involving Others/Using others is Triangulation and also known as Abuse by Proxy.
Fun Fact: Stripping someone’s self-esteem can be done via Destructive Conditioning. It is an act of pure evil.
They can play the perfect act for many years or for how ever long they want to.Or better yet how good of a supply they are trying to keep their teeth into.If the supply has money or something that they know must have to live on and can be a financial aid to them. They also prey on the lonely and or the loners the less friends one has the less of a chance they will hear about the Narc’s evil ways of their past.They will hunt in different social circles different towns or county’s or even state’s if need be.The always play the innocent victim the love starved heart broken person who gave every past lover their all and got hurt.They know how to be who and what ever they think you need and want them to be.They are professional con artists they are the Devil don’t ever doubt that.And the better you are to them the more evil they will be to you.To your face or behind your back the better of a person you are the more they will hate you.
How do I escape !!!!
Stop with him, do not look back. If you do, HE will think he has a chance again, it only gets worse each time you take him back. Your health will take a toll, the worst part is, you were in a one way RELATIONSHIP, I’m sorry, HE never loved you. His words do not match his actions. ACTIONS SPEAK louder. Recognize what happened to you. Find a place, friend where you can stay. If you go back, he will do it all over again, if you think this time was bad……do not EVER SPEAK TO him again, you win.
I haven’t been able to escape them. They’re everywhere.
My friend does the self-esteem thing but I’m not sure he’s a narc. I’m still not sure I understsnd why they do it.