Narcissists often crave attention, but they don’t always ask for it.

That’s because narcissists want to believe they’re powerful, superior beings who don’t need anyone. So instead, they may resort to subtle — or downright weird — ways of getting your attention.

Narcissists also don’t want you to know how much they need you because of the power dynamics involved. They want you to believe that you need them more than they need you. That puts them in control.

And attention can come in many forms.

Admiration. Sympathy. Anger. Concern. Jealousy. Even arguments.

For some narcissists, negative attention is still attention.

Here are 14 weird ways narcissists may try to get your attention…

Please Watch The Following Short Video To Help Your Understanding…

Ask To Borrow Something

Asking to borrow something can give narcissists many opportunities for attention. For a start, they have your attention whilst asking for something. Plus it outs them in an a no lose situation…

If you say no, then they can escalate this into an argument. Which still gives them your time and attention.

If you agree, then you must meet up to lend them this thing. Then on top of this, you must meet them again later to get it back.

That’s why narcissists often ask to borrow things they know you want back soon. Such as a phone charger or money.

Turn Up At Your Door

If you don’t respond to phone calls or messages, then some narcissists turn up at your door uninvited. Because they know it’s difficult to turn them away once they’ve arrived.

They don’t care whether you’re tired or busy. If they want your attention, then they want it now. Regardless of how you feel.

They may try to dress it up as a surprise visit. Or complain that you “never” answer your phone. So you feel obliged to give them your time and attention once they arrive.

Create A Problem

Everything can be perfectly calm until the narcissist has a problem that apparently requires your immediate attention. They may suddenly have an urgent complaint, demand, accusation, or crisis.

However you may notice that it’s something that could easily wait. You might even wonder why they didn’t mention it earlier.

Sometimes the problem isn’t the point. It’s getting you to drop everything and focus on them that is.

Recruit Others

If you’ve been keeping your distance, then the narcissist might recruit others to persuade you to spend more time with them.

They may find people who are more sympathetic. Then tell them how cruel and uncaring you’re being ignoring them. They might even create a crisis to make you seem even more cruel.

This has happened to me, and I found a great comeback. I suggested to the person telling me that I should spend time with the narcissist to spend more time with them themselves. They soon went quiet!

Start An Argument Over Something Ridiculous

Have you ever found yourself arguing with a narcissist about something so trivial that you can’t believe the conversation is happening?

It might be how you loaded the dishwasher. Something you said three months ago. Or the way you looked at them.

Picking unnecessary arguments can be an effective way of getting your attention, because anger is still engagement. Whilst you’re angrily arguing with them, they’re getting your undivided attention.

They may not be getting the admiration they want, but they’re still getting your time, energy and emotional reaction. Which to most narcissists is better than nothing.

Post Cryptic Things On Social Media

Sometimes the narcissist doesn’t contact you directly. Instead, they post something mysterious on social media. I’m sure you’ve seen posts like this…

“Some people really show you who they are.”

Or…

“You can be there for someone for years and they don’t appreciate it.”

You may find yourself checking their profile, wondering what happened, and who they’re talking about. That’s the clever part. They don’t even need to say your name to get your attention.

Contact You About Something They Don’t Really Need

You’ve moved on. You’re getting on with your life. Then suddenly…

“Hi. I was just wondering if you still have my old charger?”

Or…

“Do you remember the name of that restaurant we went to?”

Or some other completely unnecessary question. You may wonder why they couldn’t have found the answer themselves.

Sometimes the question isn’t about the charger, restaurant, or whatever else they’ve suddenly remembered. It’s an excuse to reopen communication. And once you respond, they have an opportunity to continue the conversation.

They Suddenly Need Your Help

Another strange tactic is suddenly becoming helpless. The narcissist may know perfectly well how to solve a problem, yet somehow they need you.

They might ask for help with something they’ve previously managed without you. Or they may suddenly become unusually dependent.

This can be particularly confusing if they’ve previously made it clear that they don’t need anyone. But now they need you.

They Become Unusually Loud Or Dramatic

Sometimes attention seeking is more obvious. They may speak louder than necessary. Make exaggerated complaints. Laugh excessively. Or behave in a way that seems designed to make everyone in the room look in their direction.

It’s almost as if they’ve decided…

“Nobody is paying enough attention to me, so I’ll give them a reason to.”

This can happen when attention has shifted away from them. For example, if everyone is talking to someone else, they may suddenly introduce a dramatic story or complaint into the conversation.

Please CLICK HERE For How Narcissists Dominate Conversations

Cause A Huge Argument

Narcissists often cause arguments at other peoples wedding and birthdays. Because someone else is the centre of attention.

So they may create a huge argument with a family member or even staff at the venue. Then all eyes are on them. Which effectively steals attention away from whoever is the centre of the celebration.

Narcissists also benefit in the future because whenever the celebration is mentioned, they can talk about their argument, rather than the actual celebration. And of course it gets embellished every time they retell the story!

Please CLICK HERE For How Narcissists Make Celebrations About Them

Suddenly Become Extremely Charming

Attention seeking isn’t always negative. Sometimes the narcissist becomes unusually charming.

They may suddenly compliment you. Be affectionate. Tell you how much they miss you. Or remind you of all the wonderful times you supposedly shared.

This can happen after a period of hostility, making the sudden change particularly confusing. You may find yourself thinking, “Maybe they’ve changed.”

Create A Reason For You To Feel Sorry For Them

Another way of attracting attention is by playing the victim. Suddenly, everything is going wrong.

Nobody understands them. Everyone treats them badly. Their friends have betrayed them. Their family doesn’t appreciate them. And now they need someone to listen. You!

Compassion isn’t a bad thing. But repeatedly creating situations where you feel responsible for comforting them can keep you emotionally engaged. So your sympathy becomes another route to your attention.

Have An Illness Or Health Concern

Some narcissists invent or exaggerate illnesses to gain attention. These illnesses are almost always invisible, and flair up at convenient times for themselves.

Narcissists know that your compassion kicks in when they’re “in need”. So they play your empathy against you when they want your attention. So their supposed ailment flairs up, again.

Do Something They Know Will Annoy You

This can seem particularly bizarre. Why would they do something they know will irritate you? Because irritation still produces a reaction.

They may leave something somewhere they know you hate. Make a comment they know will wind you up. Or behave in a deliberately provocative way.

When you complain, they act innocent. So now you’re explaining yourself, defending your reaction, and giving them exactly what they wanted – your attention.

Final Thoughts

One of the strangest things about narcissistic behaviour is that attention doesn’t always have to be positive.

Praise is attention.

Sympathy is attention.

Arguments are attention.

Anger is attention.

Jealousy is attention.

Even someone telling them to “leave me alone!” is still giving them a reaction! Which is why refusing to get drawn into unnecessary drama can be more effective than trying to win every argument.

You don’t have to respond to every provocation. You don’t have to explain yourself endlessly. And you don’t have to investigate every cryptic social media post.

Sometimes the most powerful response to attention seeking behaviour is not giving it the attention it was designed to receive. Then eventually they get bored and leave you alone.

Please CLICK HERE For How To Stop Reacting To Narcissists

How To Stop Reacting To A Narcissist