Although narcissists act with an air of superiority, they often play the victim. Especially if they’re covert narcissists.
Playing the victim is beneficial to narcissists for many reasons. Some are obvious, and some less so. Here’s what narcissists gain from playing the victim…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
To Avoid Accountability
Narcissists hate accountability. And will do anything to avoid it. So some narcissists play the victim to avoid accountability. Because this is often the easiest way to achieve this.
Being the poor victim means that normal rules don’t apply to them. For example they may lie or exaggerate health issues, to excuse them for not doing things they should do.
Narcissists may also lie or exaggerate mental health issues, to give them a free pass for abusing others. Which turns them from abuser to victim.
To Protect Their Grandiose Self Image
Narcissists believe they’re the most amazing creatures to ever walk the Earth. But their achievements rarely back up these delusions. But no problem…
Some narcissists play the victim to shield themselves from their lack of success. In their mind it’s not their fault they live ordinary lives. It’s their parents, their spouse, or their health that hold them back. Without these things, they’d probably rule the world!
This allows the narcissist to continue believing they’re magnificent, without having to back it up with actual achievements.
Narcissists Want To Be Special
Narcissists believe they’re special. Whilst they may brag about their wealth, success etc. They may also brag about illness, poverty, and other unfortunate situations. “I’m more ill than you.”
Many narcissists seem to WANT to be ill. One I knew often asked “Do I look ill?”. And was delighted if I answered yes. But he wasn’t best pleased if I said he looked fine!
I’ve noticed that narcissists HATE it when others are ill. Because that’s THEIR domain. They can get angry and antagonistic when others are ill.
Sometimes they act like they don’t believe you’re ill. Or they argue they’re more ill than you. Yes, narcissists even compete over who’s the most ill!
That’s because they feel threatened. Your illness threatens their special status. They want to be the one who’s centre of attention, with everyone gathering round saying “Poor you.”
A Means Of Control
Narcissists often play the victim to control people. They know if people feel sorry for them, they’ll do things for them.
The classic is when they play on mental or physical ailments for attention. “You need to come and see me now. I’m feeling so low I don’t know what I’ll do.”
A narcissist parent may play on being old and ailing. “You won’t help out your old Mother?”
Narcissists sense when you feel bad for them. And will play on this to get what they want.
Narcissists Actually Feel Victimised
Narcissists often feel they’re being victimised. So when anything goes “wrong” in their lives, they don’t look at how they can make improvements.
They look outward at what they can blame. It’s much easier on their ego, than taking a long look in the mirror.
It’s not their fault, they’re perfect!
Narcissists look to blame anything that’s not them. They’re in a bad mood – that’s YOUR fault for making them feel that way. They’re in a low paid job – no one understands their brilliance, because EVERYONE is stupid!
Narcissists would rather blame the whole world, than look at themselves. This stops them learning and growing.
Divert Attention From Their Behaviour
Narcissists also play the victim to divert attention from their behaviours. Narcissists often victimise others. But hide in the shadow of being victims themselves.
For instance a narcissist may feel jealous towards someone. But rather than admit this to themselves, they claim that person is jealous of THEM. Classic narcissist projection!
Narcissists also bend facts to make them the victim. They might bully someone for no reason. And when they fight back, play the victim. Conveniently forgetting they’re own behaviour sparked the conflict.
I remember a narcissist I worked with many years ago. Someone got the promotion she felt entitled to. So she waged a campaign of hate for months. All the while masquerading as the victim.
In her narrative, she was the poor victim who was overlooked for promotion. And blamed the other person for being friends with the manager.
Meanwhile she viciously attacked the other person. Giving the silent treatment, and generally making her life hell.
Narcissists also play the victim to excuse their behaviour. They make out they lead a hard, downtrodden life. Expecting people to make allowances for them. And sadly, people often they do.
Final Thoughts
There’s many benefits for narcissists playing the victim. A Narcissist likes to blame the world for THEIR failings. It’s much easier for their fragile egos to handle. Plus they gain special treatment.
Narcissists are sometimes trapped between being the victim, and being better than everybody else. They might brag how wealthy and successful they are one minute, then cry poverty the next.
If you pull them up on their inconsistencies, they wriggle and worm their way out of it. They want the best of both worlds. They want to be brilliant AND a victim. And if you challenge this, they’ll probably blame you!
Please CLICK HERE For How To Out Smart A Narcissist
How To Outsmart A Narcissist
‘Why the sharp intake of breath?’ asked my husband – and then, when I read out what you said about narcissists and illness, ‘That’s you mother!’ Mother actually smacked me on several occasions I was ill. I learnt to conceal illness. She used her illness, real and unproved, to control us and to avoid doing things she didn’t want to do. Even when my Dad looked as though he would end up in a wheelchair with rheumatoid arthritis, it was all about her and her worries. Luckily drug treatment arrested it, but he was often in pain – nevertheless he would take her tea in bed before he went to work because she was ‘delicate’. Just about as delicate as the Berlin Wall! Lived to 96, where just beginning to show signs of dementia, she forgot she had the rheumatism that she had complained about all my life. She has left me reluctant to admit illness, or seek medical help when I should. I really should have realised before, but your words almost hit me with their accurate description of the woman I knew.
When the chips are down, narcissist are the last people to step up. It’s THEM that are supposed to be catered for! I’ve noticed pretty much every narcissist I’ve known hates it when others are ill or in need.
Brilliant! Does it make sense that NOW [that] I understand the chaos in our relationship, I’m giddy to just sit back and shake my head? Is this realization of truth part of the process of leaving a narcissist? I hope so.
Pretty much the same thing happened to me when I started reading up on narcissism. So many things my ex did were described down to a tee. I think they must have a narcissists text book! But seriously, they are usually surprisingly predictable once you learn their patterns and way of thinking. That’s why I think EVERYBODY should learn about them. The biggest thing I took from my learning was that the relationship failure was not my fault. Even though she made out it was. I no longer blame myself, which means I can move on.
Good for you. But you have to take responsibility for your part too. Can’t complain about what you allow in your life.
I totally agree Elle. If you don’t take responsibility, then you’re likely to allow to to happen again.