Sadly, many victims of narcissist abuse are dismissed. Usually for being melodramatic, exaggerating, or making things up. Even from their own family and friends.
There’s many reasons why victims of narcissistic abuse aren’t believed. But I’m hoping that detailing them here opens peoples eyes. And helps them understand that narcissistic abuse is real, and should be taken seriously. Even if it seems crazy and βout thereβ.
There’s nothing more frustrating than being gaslit and mistreat by a narcissist. Then being dismissed by loved ones when you express your concerns. As this adds salt to the wound.
Disbelieving a victim of narcissistic abuse reinforces the gaslighting that the narcissist works so hard to create. Making the victim doubt what they’ve experienced. It also allows the narcissist to get away scot-free.
So why are victims of narcissistic abuse dismissed? Here’s why many people don’t believe victims of narcissistic abuse…
Please Watch the Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
They Don’t Understand Narcissism
People who haven’t experienced narcissist relationships, struggle to understand what they’re like. Because they’re so different from βnormalβ relationships. Although they can appear the same on the surface.
Narcissists think in entirely different ways. And whilst they fake many βnormalβ behaviours, their different ways of thinking leaks out in their behaviours. Especially during long term relationships.
When you talk about narcissist behaviours and motivations, people naturally try to make sense of them. And they usually do this through the lens of neuro-typicals. Rather than from the perspective of someone with a personality disorder.
People often assume that narcissists must be misunderstood. Or victims are making a mountain out of a molehill. As they can’t fathom why narcissists would do what they do. Because neuro-typicals would never behave the same way.
For instance, it’s common for narcissists to pretend to be completely different characters for months, even years. Just to draw someone in. And they might have several different personas, depending on who’s around, and what they want to achieve.
To neuro-typicals who don’t understand narcissism, this seems far fetched. Because they wouldn’t dream of doing this. And it seems unbelievable that anyone would.
So they seek alternative explanations that seem more plausible. Even when the facts are staring them straight in the face. And sadly, these explanations often rely on questioning the victims perceptions.
Narcissists Façade
Narcissists lead dual lives. Where their public persona is one of the nicest people you could wish to meet. Particularly if they’re covert narcissists. But in private, they’re cold, uncaring, and abusive. Two polar opposites.
Outsiders usually only see the nice act. And have no reason to doubt it. Because it’s a consistent stable image to them.
So when they hear about the terrors behind closed doors, they find it hard to believe. Because it doesn’t tie in with the βpersonalityβ the narcissist has carefully constructed.
To most people, no one in their right mind would live a lie. And pretend to be someone they’re not. So they reason that something must be wrong with the victims perception. Or they’re biased due to relationship issues and sour grapes.
Narcissists Smear Campaign
People may not believe victims of narcissistic abuse due to narcissists smear campaigns. This is where narcissists discredit their victims, so no one believes them.
The narcissist may imply or outright lie that their victim is unstable, crazy, or even a narcissist. And may paint a picture of THEM being the abuser. Or them being confused and disorientated. And not of sound mind.
Some narcissists start their smear campaigns as soon as a relationship ends. Because they know their victim is more likely to talk, now they’re free from their grip.
Some narcissists take things further, and smear their partners BEFORE the relationship ends. In anticipation of what’s to come.
Narcissists are extremely cunning. And may fake βconcernβ when they talk about their victims behaviours. And pretend they’re worried about them. When really they’re sowing the seeds, and discrediting them.
A narcissist might also use reactive abuse. This is where they repeatedly wind up their victim, until they snap in front of witnesses. Then hold their hands aloft as if they’ve done nothing wrong. Creating the impression that they snapped for no reason. βProvingβ how crazy they are.
Once a narcissist has painted a picture of their victim being crazy or unstable, it’s more difficult to believe them when they speak of abuse. Especially when they talk about the Jekyll and Hyde and other βout thereβ characteristics of the narcissist.
Common Beliefs
There’s many common beliefs that stop people listening to victims of narcissistic abuse. And although they’re common beliefs, many don’t make sense when you think them through.
These common beliefs include βit takes two to tangoβ. Implying that if there’s a fight, both parties must be to blame. But if you understand narcissism, you know conflict can be created purely from one source β the narcissist.
Another is that everyone is essentially good. And are trying their best. Which when you consider the evil out there, is clearly not true.
Narcissists are unusual people. And think differently from the norm. So common beliefs don’t always apply to them. Because they do cause problems without provocation. And they do deliberately harm people, if it gets them what they want.
Manipulation
Narcissists are highly manipulative. And spend a life time honing their craft. Which means they’re likely to outmanoeuvre their victims, who are strangers to their devious world.
Narcissists work hard to bend narratives to fit their story. And get people on side. Whereas victims usually suffer in silence. And don’t play the political game of gaining allies. And convincing them of their βtruthβ.
This can create the impression that the narcissist is the real victim. Because they feverishly sell their biased side of the story. And because the victim just wants space to heal, their voice is often left unheard.
So people often assume the narcissist has done no wrong. And on top of that, the victim was actually the perpetrator. Purely because of the biased narrative the narcissist spreads.
Positions Of Power
Many narcissists are drawn to positions of power, to feed their grandiosity. But another perk is these positions often provide immunity for wrongdoings.
Many narcissists work in the Police, politics, clergy, media etc. And become almost untouchable. Because victims are afraid to come forward, through fear of repercussions. And even if they do, they’re often disbelieved. Because people think this βupstandingβ member of society won’t do anything wrong.
Confusion Tactics
Narcissists often employ confusion tactics. And stir trouble between other individuals. And create conflicts amongst different people. Then quietly sit back, and watch the drama unfold.
These divisions muddy the waters. Creating complicated battles, with different factions forming. And that’s their plan.
Narcissists know that when the dust settles, no one knows what happened. And who caused all the problems. Which dilutes the credibility of anyone complaining about the narcissist. Because there’s so much mud being slung in so many different directions. So no one knows what’s gone on. Except the narcissist.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists are experts at covering their tracks after abusing people. If a loved one confides in you, and speaks about an abusive relationship, listen to them. Even if it seems far fetched. And their partner acts like butter wouldn’t melt in their mouth.
Whilst it’s possible they’re making it up, still listen. Because there’s a chance they’re not. And if you’re wrong, dismissing them only adds to their pain.
The difficulty lies in the fact that narcissists sometimes play the victim. And pretend they’re being abused, when they’re actually the abuser. So if the person complaining has narcissistic traits, then they could be making it up.
You can never be sure what went on. As you didn’t witness their private lives. But you can still support a friend if you value them.
If they haven’t made similar claims about others in the past, then there’s a good chance they’re telling the truth. Because narcissists tend to repeat these patterns. And project their own abusive behaviours onto their partners. Going from one alleged abusive relationship to another.
Narcissists usually confide in EVERYONE. To get their story out, and smear the other party. Whereas genuine victims usually confide in a few close friends.
But if you’re still unsure, listen to your friend anyway. And be there for them. Just don’t fight their battles. Because you never know for sure what you’re being drawn into.
Please CLICK HERE For 11 Signs You’re Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse
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I am intrigued by this information, only realizing 2016, saying the word narcissist. Learning after relocating to Louisiana ( his hometown) β for a better lifeβ what kind of evil exists, actually having other females in the home that had no pants on. Disgusting behavior on every single one of them, stuck 2018 by German car was damaged, unable to find adequate employment, 12 times using involuntary commitment crisis intervention law for discipline he and his miserable family. Trying to get out .
Fingers crossed you manage to get out.