Having spent years around narcissists, personally and professionally, I’ve noticed they have a knack of causing others to fight amongst themselves. Whilst they sit back and watch the drama unfold.
When they’re not in an argument, they still wreak havoc. Rather than argue directly, they often bait others to do their dirty work. This is particularly so with the more covert narcissists.
Narcissists know that divided and isolated people are easier to control. They can play the sympathetic “friend”, even though they’ve slyly caused the argument in the first place.
And narcissists like causing arguments for the shear hell of it. They find it entertaining. Plus they feel powerful, knowing they’ve controlled others, “making” them fight.
Here’s some tactics I’ve noticed narcissists use to get others to fight amongst themselves…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Play The Victim
As you may be aware, narcissists often play the victim for manipulation and control. They often gain pity so people do things for them. But there’s another way they use playing the victim.
Narcissists may play the victim, then complain to cause trouble. Here’s an example of what I mean…
Someone might be tired and doesn’t want to spend time with the narcissist. Annoyed they’re not “doing as they’re told”, the narcissist complains to someone else they’re being “ignored” by this person.
They tell it in an exaggerated and dramatic way, to tug at their heart strings. Get them emotional, and get them angry. All with the intention of baiting them to confront the other person about why they’re “ignoring” the narcissist.
“Have you been ignoring your cousin again?”. “I was tired after a long day at work.” “Well you’ve managed to upset them again.”
The narcissist sits back whilst two people argue about them. And they know, once they have this person on side, they can play the victim whenever they want. And entice them to control the other person for them.
Amplify Others Flaws
Narcissists sometimes split whole families with this tactic. I’ve noticed they often target someone they consider a threat. They might not put up with their BS. Or they might have sussed their narcissistic ways.
They pick out a flaw this person has, and amplify it. And since no one is perfect, finding a flaw isn’t difficult. We ALL have them.
The narcissist mentions this flaw over and over. Subtly exaggerating it, and repeatedly talking about it. This creates the illusion they’re a much worse person than they really are.
For instance, someone might be lax about staying in touch with their mum. The narcissist spots this, and goes on the offensive. Repeatedly complaining to others about their immoral behaviour. They don’t actually care that they don’t see their Mother often. It’s just a stick they can use to hit them with, and make them appear like a bad person.
They find people that are upset about this, and keep piling it on. They often paint an unflattering picture “I suppose they’ll still expect something from their will, even though they never see them.”
These messages repeated over and over often cause people to fall out with loved ones. What is a fairly minor flaw is blown out of proportion, using drama, exaggeration and repetition.
Bullying
Some narcissists cause conflict by using bullying tactics. This is usually the more overt narcissists.
They might put people down in front of others. Go into huge “bad moods” where people are walking on egg shells. And generally get everyone fearful of them.
They create a situation where everybody is trying to please them. And if someone isn’t pleasing them, they openly bully them. And encourage everyone to join in.
And because everyone is afraid of the narcissist, they join in. Knowing that if they don’t, it could be them next.
The narcissist creates a situation where a few people are bullying this individual. Then they sit back and watch the drama unfold. As if they were never involved. And if things get heated, it’s easy to forget how the argument started in the first place.
Narcissists Demand Backup
Another tactic I’ve seen many times is when a narcissist picks a fight for little or no reason. Then cajoles others to back them up.
The typical example is a married couple with a female narcissist. The narcissist starts an argument for little reason. Then turns to her husband saying “You’re not going to let them speak to me like that are you?”
If the husband declines to join in because she’s in the wrong, he can expect “What kind of a man are you, allowing him to speak to me like this?!”
Inevitably the husband is baited into an argument. And the narcissist sits back basking in the glory of two men fighting “over” them.
Blame Others
Narcissists also cause conflict due to their habit of shifting blame onto others.
Narcissists rarely hold their hand up and admit fault. Instead they blame others for their actions.
Narcissists like to publicly play the kind generous role. Even though they’re anything but. If someone asks them for a loan, they might for example blame their spouse for declining.
“My wife won’t let me lend you that money. I would if I could. But you know what she’s like.”
The narcissist may not be deliberately causing an argument in this case. But it’s often the affect.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists use a variety of manipulation tactics to cause arguments. And make it appear that it had nothing to do with them.
Once a battle breaks out, the cause of the arguments is often lost in the emotion. And the narcissist walks away scot free. “Nothing to do with me.”
Narcissists love the feeling of power they gain from causing others to argue. They love the chaos and the drama.
Narcissists often use these arguments to their advantage. Either a “divide and conquer” strategy. Or to be the centre of attention. Basking in the glory of an argument that revolves around them.
In this case the narcissist enjoys the best of both worlds. They cause arguments and drama, reap the benefits, and avoid the blame.
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Delusional. As if you can’t see their empty shell of pain and disorder. Avoid ignore dog em.
Delusional is the word Elle. They probably kid themselves as much as they kid others!
No disrespect, but I do not agree with this post at all. The suggestions here would not have been useful in my experience with narcissists in my life and would only have made things worse.