At the end of neuro-typical relationships, we usually give and receive closure. Especially if it’s a long term marriage.
We confirm that the relationships is over. We discuss the reasons why. And admit our flaws and incompatibilities.
But narcissists don’t do this. They end relationships abruptly. With no truthful discussion as to why. And there’s certainly no admission of fault.
If the narcissist ended the relationship, it’s usually like a bolt from the blue. They tell you they’re leaving… and they’re gone. Sometimes you don’t even get that.
If you ended the relationship, then the narcissist might not accept it’s over. They may continue to act like you’re in a relationship. Despite it being dead in the water.
Whatever the circumstances, narcissist relationships never feel truly over. They feel like a dark cloud looming over your head. And you don’t know what happened, or where you stand.
This uncertainty raises a lot of questions. And they can nag away at you for years.
There’s several reasons why narcissists don’t give closure. Some are deliberate, and some aren’t. Here’s a run down of the main reasons why narcissists don’t give closure…
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Narcissists Want You As A Backup Option
The most common reason narcissists don’t give closure, is to keep you as a back up option. Most narcissists NEED to be in relationships – all the time. And as soon as one relationship ends, they scramble to find another.
If they ended the relationship, it’s likely they found someone else. They may have been cheating. Or they may have an admirer they were stringing along. Narcissists rarely dissolve relationships to sit at home alone.
Narcissists aren’t stupid when it comes to supply. They know they need almost constant attention. So they deny their ex closure, to keep them on the back burner. Just in case their new relationship turns sour.
The narcissist may hint at rekindling the relationship. And may even stay “friends”, so they can keep your hopes alive.
Denying proper closure keeps the door ajar. And encourages their former partners to wait in the wings, as back up. And sadly, they may not be the only one on the list.
Narcissists Can’t Admit Mistakes
Due to their delusions of superiority, narcissists find it difficult to admit mistakes. Because in their mind, that would mean they’re not special. Which would destroy their fragile ego.
So narcissists either shy away from end of relationship talks. Or lie, and pass the blame.
This leaves their ex partners with many questions, and few answers. Which nags away at them.
If you’re in this position, it’s best to learn as much as possible about narcissist behaviours. Because this reveals more about your relationship than narcissists will ever admit.
Narcissists Have Too Many Secrets
Narcissists often have many secrets they keep from their partners. From affairs to financial abuse. And who knows what else. But they don’t want to let the cat out the bag.
Narcissists want to be publicly admired. As their public reputation is important to them. Because they’re aware that if people knew what they were REALLY like, no one would go near them.
So they avoid telling you the bad things they did. Because as an ex, you might tell others. Which would be a source of shame for them. And ruin their carefully crafted public image.
So they may deny closure because they’re not prepared to reveal their flaws and devious behaviours. Because they’re so desperate to create the impression they’re a better person than they are.
Narcissists Lack Empathy
Empathy involves looking at things from others perspectives. But narcissists struggle with this. So they don’t appreciate how an abrupt end to a long term relationship affects you.
Narcissists only see things from their point of view. And if they wanted out, usually because they found someone else, then that’s their focus. Not you.
So the narcissist may coldly reject you. And not give proper closure. Because they no longer need you. And to them, your needs aren’t on their mind.
If You Ended The Relationship
If you ended the relationship, then the narcissist might not accept it’s over. Especially if they have no options to fall back on.
Most narcissists need to be in relationships all the time, to give them adequate supply. And on top of this, they don’t like to be “beaten”.
You ending a relationship is a blow to the narcissists self esteem. And they often perceive it as you thinking you’re better than them. And this gets their competitive juices flowing.
So the narcissist may desperately cling to the relationship. Because they can’t handle being alone. And they can’t accept you’d “reject” them. They may even try to win you back, just so they can end the relationship this time.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists are notorious for not giving closure at the end of relationships. And this can drive their ex partners crazy.
This lack of closure may be deliberate, to keep their ex on the back burner. Or a result of their self absorption, and their lack of awareness. But either way, it’s unpleasant and unfair on their former partners. But it’s not worth pursuing them for answers.
Narcissists are unlikely to tell the truth. And instead, they’ll probably cause more damage with their lies and blame shifting. And may use your request for closure as an opportunity to play mind games.
As I mentioned earlier, learn as much as you can about narcissist behaviours. Because they’re fairly predictable. And the things that happened during your relationship will make more sense. Allowing you to heal, and move on. That’s the best closure you can realistically get from a narcissist relationship.
Please CLICK HERE For 6 Things You Shouldn’t Do After Leaving A Narcissist Relationship
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