Leaving narcissist relationships is different from leaving regular relationships. Because narcissists are different beasts.
There’s many things you do after break ups, that are OK with neuro-typicals. But aren’t when you’re dealing with narcissists. Because they have different mindsets, and different motivations.
In this article I’ll share 6 things you shouldn’t do after leaving a narcissist…
If You Prefer, Please Check Out The Video Version Of This Article…
Check Their Social Media
Checking a narcissists social media after a split, is a bad idea. Because nothing good comes from it. And there’s likely to be negative repercussions.
Narcissists are master manipulators. And will anticipate you checking their social media. So they may post things that trigger you. Such as their latest love bombing project. Subtle digs aimed at you. Or pictures with their new flame, at places they know you liked.
The narcissist may post upsetting things to gain revenge. Especially if you ended the relationship. And your reactions may open up the lines of communication. Allowing them back in your life.
If they want you back, the narcissist may hint that they’ve changed. And post details of therapy sessions, new jobs, joining the Church, etc. Hoping you’ll regret your decision to leave.
Checking their social media is a bad idea because it exposes you to their mind games. And gives them the chance to manipulate your emotions, and hurt you. And potentially draw you back in. So don’t be tempted to check their social media once you’re free.
Agree To Be Friends
It may seem nice to stay friends with an ex. But if it’s a narcissist, it’s not worth it. Because it’s only going to benefit them, and not you. And their gain is usually your loss.
Narcissists are transactional with their relationships. And they aim to take more than they give. So if you have things that are useful to them, they may want to stay “friends” to take advantage of them. This might include money, connections, possessions, favours, etc.
On top of this, narcissists like to have options. Even when they’re in a relationship.
Narcissists hate being single. So they usually keep ex’s as “friends”, just in case their relationship sours. Then they have fall back options.
Being on the back burner for a narcissist isn’t good for your soul. Which is what you’re likely to be if you stay friends. And they may even sabotage your future relationships, just to keep you free for them.
Give Them A Piece Of Your Mind
It can be tempting to contact your narcissist ex, to give them a piece of your mind. Because once you’re free, you more clearly see the bad things they did. And this gets emotions running.
But giving them a piece of your mind solves nothing. Because the narcissist doesn’t care that they’ve hurt you. In fact they might be proud that they’ve affected you in such a profound way.
Also, the narcissist won’t admit they did anything wrong. Either to themselves, or to you. (Unless they’re faking it to win you back). So they won’t learn from their mistakes. So, what’s the point in confronting them?
Worse still, contacting the narcissist usually plays into their hands.. Because it opens up the lines of communication. Allowing them back into your life, to play mind games. And potentially use and abuse you. Also they can use your “attacks” as “proof” that you were the crazy one. And not them.
Reach Out For Closure
At the end of normal relationships, people often reach out for closure. Because they want to learn what they did wrong. And how they can improve for next time.
However a narcissist is unlikely to be truthful. And instead of holding their hands up and admitting mistakes, they’re likely to blame you. So nothing is achieved when you reach out for closure.
In fact, reaching out for closure will probably do more harm than good. Because they may convince you that you were in the wrong – when you weren’t. And you may take these false doubts into your next relationship.
Narcissists are notorious for not giving closure. Even after long term marriages. Because to them, the relationship is never truly over. So they often leave the door ajar. Just in case they want to get back with you in the future.
The best closure you can get is learning as much as you can about narcissists. Because this reveals more about your relationship than the narcissist will ever admit. You’ll find out why they acted in certain ways. And what their true motivations were. Plus, you don’t need to contact them for this.
Ask For Money Owed
At the end of a narcissist relationship, it’s likely they either owe you money. Or have some of your possessions.
Unless they’re vitally important, it’s usually best to let them go. Because your peace of mind is worth more than money and things.
If the narcissist knows you want something from them, this gives them power. And they may use it as a carrot to gain your compliance. For example, they may threaten to destroy items, unless you do as you’re told. Or only give you back one item each time you meet. Forcing you to continually see them.
If they owe you money, the narcissist may pay you back in small instalments. In cash. Giving them a chance to regularly meet you. Or they may withhold payments when you don’t comply with their demands.
Walking away with a clean break takes your power back. Because they have nothing you want. So there’s no need to see them, or dance to their tunes.
Get Back With Them
Never get back with a narcissist! Once a narcissist relationship is over, don’t look back. Because as bad as the narcissist was, they’re likely to be worse next time.
If you get back with a narcissist, they see it as an acceptance of their past bad behaviours. Because ultimately there was no consequence, as they won you back.
They may treat you nice at first. But once the initially love bombing phase is over, they’re likely to treat you worse than before. Because in their mind, you’ll keep taking them back. So there’s no consequence for their bad behaviours.
So please don’t be fooled into thinking they’ll treat you better this time. They won’t.
Final Thoughts
If possible, go full no contact once you’ve split from a narcissist. Because this gives you time and space to heal. Without the narcissist ruining things with mind games and manipulations.
If you left the narcissist, then they’re likely to feel aggrieved. And may consider themselves to have lost against you. And they’re not good losers!
To combat this, many narcissists try to win back their partner. Just so they can end it this time. Yes it’s childish. But it’s surprisingly common.
No good comes of staying in contact with a narcissist ex. Because narcissists see people as commodities to be used. Rather than mutual companions.
So if you’ve managed to break free from a narcissist relationship, don’t look back. Get out and stay out. And have as little contact as possible. Because that’s what’s best for you.
Please CLICK HERE For How To Go No Contact With A Narcissist
Or Scroll Down For My Most Popular Articles…