Narcissists are great at hiding in plain sight. And a BIG reason is because they don’t act narcissistic all the time. Particularly covert narcissists.
In a strange way, narcissists are more dangerous when they’re selective with their narcissism. Because people don’t know what they’re dealing with. So they’re lulled into dropping their guard.
It’s common for a narcissist to ingrain themselves into someone’s life, BEFORE revealing their narcissism. Making it difficult to get rid of them.
Another danger is that narcissists may act narcissistic around some people, whilst treating others well. Which causes those who were treated well to disbelieve victims. And even vouch for the narcissists’ “good character”.
Learning when narcissists are not narcissistic helps you keep your guard up when dealing with new people. Because you know when narcissists typically act nice. Plus it helps you understand victims of narcissistic abuse. Because you know that some people can be nice to you, whilst abusing others.
Here’s the situations where narcissists typically aren’t narcissistic…
Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
At The Start Of Relationships
At the start of relationships, narcissists love bomb. This is where they act nice. And display a level of kindness you’ve never experienced before.
However this isn’t genuine. It’s just an act designed to draw you in.
Narcissists know that if they were narcissistic from day one, you’d run a mile. So they play the nice act for a while, until they draw you in. Then they gradually roll out their narcissistic behaviours.
A clue that they’re a narcissist is if the person acts impossibly nice. Like they’re too good to be true. And you know the saying that goes with this. Yes we all like to make a good impression at the start of relationships, but narcissists take this to extremes.
Narcissists are also keen to TELL you how nice they are. And may say things, such as “I’m the type of person who…(insert virtue here)”. But if they really were so nice, this would be normal, automatic, and no big deal. So they wouldn’t feel the need to keep talking about it.
Narcissists slip up from time to time. And you may see clues of their narcissism in how they treat others. Particularly with people they deem “beneath” them. So they might treat waiting staff rudely. Or their ex. Which hints that they’re not be a good empathetic person.
At The Start Of Friendships
Narcissists also play the nice act at the start of platonic friendships. And pretend to be a kind and considerate friend. But as time goes by, they become more selfish and less giving.
However, narcissists don’t usually treat their friends as bad as they treat their romantic partners. Because they spend less time with them. And a friend is more likely to cut them off if they’re treated badly. So the narcissist usually keeps their behaviour more in check for friends than they do with lovers.
However, narcissists treat some friends better than others. Because they test what each friend will put up with. So stronger friends may experience a nicer version, than friends with weaker boundaries.
At Work
Some narcissists place a high value on their career. Because they love the accolades it brings. So they may act like an angel at work. Making their colleagues think they’re one of the nicest people they could ever wish to meet.
Other narcissists play the percentages game. And act nice with everyone above them on the corporate ladder. Whilst treating those beneath them with contempt.
This often allows them to get away with workplace bullying. Because their superiors can’t believe that such a lovely person would attack others. So they dismiss their complaints, and put them down to grudges. And the narcissist usually encourages this perception.
So if you’re a boss at work, remember that you don’t always see the same version of people that others see. So if you receive complaints about someone, take them seriously. Even if they’re wonderful with you.
On Social Media
It’s easy to pretend you’re kind and empathetic on social media. And many narcissists exploit this for attention and kudos.
Narcissists often virtue signal with posts about charities, helping the less fortunate, and other “empathetic” things.
Most people are fooled by the narcissists altruistic posts. And assume they must be caring and compassionate. But think of it like this. If someone genuinely cared for others, they wouldn’t make such a song and dance about it. Because it would be normal and natural, and no big deal.
At Religious Institutions
Some narcissists use religion as a cover. And become prominent members of local religious institutions.
Here the narcissist virtue signals. And displays an impeccable persona. Helping them to be considered a pillar of the local community. And this is their aim.
When held in high esteem, people drop their guard. And assume they must be trustworthy. Just because they’re supposedly religious. Which allows the narcissist to gain access to people, who wouldn’t normally give them the time of day.
Always remember, being religious, helping charities, working for the Police etc., doesn’t automatically make someone good. Some people use these things to cover their abusive natures. So you should feel out religious and charitable people, just like you would anyone else.
In Dangerous Settings
If a narcissist is in a dangerous setting, then their narcissism may be flicked off faster than a speeding train. For instance, if the narcissist is in prison with dangerous criminals, they’re smart enough to know not to treat these people badly. Because they’re likely to face repercussions.
Similarly, if someone is much stronger mentally or physically, then the narcissist may treat them well. Because they know when they’ve met their match.
When They Want You Back
Narcissists hate being single. So years after your relationship, they may call you out the blue, if their current relationship sours.
The narcissist knows that they must treat you well to stand any chance of winning you back. Especially if they treated you badly last time. So they pull out all the stops, and treat you like royalty. And constantly tell you they’ve changed.
Sadly this is almost always a con. As narcissists rarely change permanently. Yes they can change temporarily when they want something, but these changes rarely last.
When They Want Something
Narcissists usually treat people well who have something they want. And the things they want varies, depending on the narcissist.
Some narcissists put money on a pedestal. So they treat wealthy people well, hoping to get in on the action.
If the narcissist values high status, they may treat high status people well. So they can hang out with them, and be seen as high status by association.
Narcissists may also treat someone well at work, if they secretly have a crush on them. Or if they can influence a promotion.
However the narcissist doesn’t care about these people. Only what they offer. So if they ever lose what the narcissist wants, they too could feel the full force of their narcissism. Just like everyone else.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists switch their narcissism on and off, depending on what’s advantageous. So different people see a different narcissist, depending on the strength of that person, the type of relationship, and whether they have something they want.
Remember, just because someone treats you well, it doesn’t mean they’re not a narcissist. And also, if they treat you well, it’s possible they treat others badly.
So be careful not to enable narcissistic abuse. Take it seriously if someone complains about another person’s behaviour. Because they might be telling the truth. Even if they appear angelic to you. So please keep an open mind.
Please CLICK HERE For The Subtle Signs Someone’s A Narcissist
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