Perhaps surprisingly, some narcissists are heavily into religion. They may regularly visit their place of worship. Talk about religion all the time. And cajole their family to follow their lead.
Some narcissists become “high ranking” at their places of worship. And may join the choir and help with fundraising and other events. Some even end up working in the clergy.
As you’re probably aware, narcissists don’t usually do something for nothing. So what do they get out of religion? Quite a bit!
Here’s the benefits narcissists gain by being religious…
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Narcissists Associate Themselves With God
Some narcissists become involved in religion to become self appointed spokespeople for God. They learn the passages in their religious text. Then quote the word of God as if it’s their own.
Narcissists LOVE power. So what greater power is there than the almighty himself, speaking through the narcissist?
Narcissists may say that God speaks through them. As if they have a special connection to the divine, that no one else has. Which bolsters their delusions of grandeur.
Superiority
Narcissists have delusions of superiority. And need almost constant reassurance that they’re above ordinary folk. Religion gives them the superiority they feel is their birth right.
The narcissist can be “holier than thou”. And be religiously superior to you. Because they have learnt more passages, go to their place of worship more than you. And are higher ranking in their religious institution.
Narcissists are competitive people. Even in religion. And in their mind, they’re more religious than you. Which makes them superior. Because they’re closer to God. Which out ranks you, dirt bag!
Many religions have built in hierarchies. Either officially or unofficially. And narcissists LOVE hierarchy. Because it gives them the chance to be above others. Which motivates them to rise through the ranks.
Bend It To Suit Their Agenda
Most religious texts are long, complicated, and open to interpretation. This is excellent news for narcissists, because they can bend the meanings to suit their agendas.
Narcissists can usually find or bend a passage to fit whatever they want. And use this to gain compliance from those around them.
The formula is simple. They quote a passage they’ve memorised, then explain it’s “true” meaning. Which is whatever they want it to be. They know it’s difficult to argue with something that’s “written”. Even if they skew the meaning.
For instance a narcissist may interpret, “Honour your father and mother”, as meaning “do as I say without question”!
And even if you find another passage that contradicts them, you can’t win. Because the narcissist will accuse YOU of bending God’s words to suit YOUR agenda. And you’ll go round in circles arguing, until you want to bang you head against a wall!
Tell People What To Do
Narcissists love controlling people and telling them what to do. And religion gives them this opportunity.
They can tell you that you should pray more. Read the holy book. Visit the place of worship more. Do this. Don’t do that. The list is endless.
Most religions are complicated. And you’re unlikely to comply with everything. Especially with the narcissists creative and restrictive interpretations. Because whatever you do is likely to be wrong in their eyes.
The narcissist can then boss you around, yet appear like a saint. Under the guise of doing it for your own good. But really they just like telling people what to do.
Guilt
In most religions it’s impossible for normal flawed humans to comply with everything all the time. So it’s easy to feel bad when you’ve not fulfilled every last expectation. Particularly when the narcissist places impossibly high demands on you.
The narcissist does this to guilt you. And push you on the back foot.
They have a constant supply of ammunition to draw on. Because they can always criticise you for something you’ve done or not done.
The narcissist may use guilt as a punishment. And bring up your “sins” when they want to put you down. Or use it as a tool for control.
Guilty people feel bad. And naturally want to make up for their “sins”. And what better way to atone your sins than to do what the narcissist tells you?! Especially when they assume the role of the mouth piece of God.
Revered
Narcissists want to be revered. But gaining reverence takes good deeds, helping others, and kindness. Which is too much work for most narcissists. But religion provides a shortcut.
The narcissist can play the role of a deeply religious person. And immediately command respect and admiration.
Religious people are often put on a pedestal, simply for being religious. Not because of actual merit or good deeds.
Centuries of culture has conditioned us to assume than religious people are good. And narcissists play on this with gusto.
The super religious narcissist is naturally revered in their religious group. Who look up to them because of their Oscar winning religious performances.
But even non religious people aren’t immune to revering religious folk. For instance, would the average person react the same if it was the local vicar that swerved his car in front of them?!
Put On An Act
Narcissists are social chameleons. And change who they are depending on who’s around, and what they want. They spend their lives playing roles to take advantage of situations. And they use this skill set to make the most of their religious standing.
The narcissist can do whatever they want in their home life. They can lie, cheat, and abuse their family. Then once a week, visit their place of worship, and play the righteous upstanding citizen. And receive a standing ovation for their depiction. Bravo!
Smokescreen
As I’ve already mentioned, people often assume that religious people are good people. So this provides the perfect smokescreen for narcissists to hide their narcissistic behaviours.
If someone gets wind of their bad behaviour, they often assume it must be a mistake. Or a lie. Because how can someone so religious, do something bad?
And even if they witness the bad behaviour, they make excuses for them. Assuming it must be tough love for something the other person has done wrong. Or that they’re working in “mysterious ways”!
Excuse Bad Behaviours
Narcissists may also use religion to excuse bad behaviours. And make serious transgressions seem almost trivial.
The narcissist may admit they’ve “sinned”. Or “strayed from their path”. Then talk about praying for forgiveness, as if this makes everything alright.
Most religions encourage forgiveness. So people may praise them for their “humility”. But the only thing the narcissist regrets is being caught.
Instead of learning from their mistakes, they’re in damage limitation mode. And skilfully use their religion to minimise the damage to their reputation. And may even come out of it looking good. But in reality, the only thing they learnt from their “mistake” is to not get caught next time.
Final Thoughts
With all these benefits, it’s no wonder many narcissists are drawn to religion. For them, it’s a tool to be superior, powerful, and unquestioned. A match made in heaven!
People are people. Regardless of their religious faith, job, or social standing. And people from ALL walks of life are capable of good and bad.
I’m sure you’re aware of scandals within some religious institutions. Which show that even highly ranked clergy are capable of serious wrongdoings.
Don’t automatically trust religious people, just because they’re religious. They may be religious for the right reasons. But they may also be religious to further their own agendas. Instead, look through the veil at the person standing behind it. Because they may not be what they seem.
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Gotta say this is spot on Jon !!
Truly makes me chuckle a bit as the bible right there , that was in perfect shape no worn pages , nor any permanent lines down the spine if it that would indicate it was read often . Deeply believe in this and that . Quoting one passage only in particular. Blithering on and on about it . Lost way for many years , if you really did believe you could go back but didn’t that would require effort and atonement for your many sins – too busy ruining others lives and having a good time instead !!
Seriously the sanctimonious ‘ holier than thou’ act they just couldn’t quite pull off . Was funny watching them try when it was needed . Which wasn’t often . Really ? Just another way if not facing who they truly are . Just another mask to cover the true self . A malignant narcissist, who’s life is a car crash . Believe me, you aren’t getting that golden pass into heaven as you don’t practice what you preach . Do time in purgatory first .
Isn’t the first time I’ve seen this . I’ve seen it a lot read about it even more – so this is a general observation .
I think that’s it in a nutshell Rachel – Religion is just another mask!