OK, here’s the definitive way to tell if a narcissist is lying. It’s fool proof, and works 100% of the time. Ready? Here we go…
They open their mouths!
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I’m obviously joking. But this does raise a significant point. Whilst narcissists generally lie more than most, they don’t lie all the time.
Narcissists need people to give them attention and validation. So they need some social cohesion to achieve this. Which means they usually lie strategically, rather than all the time.
Less sophisticated narcissists may lie more frivolously. Because they’re impulsive, and have less regard for the value of keeping people on side.
However, higher functioning narcissists consider risk and reward. So they may tell the truth about things that are less important to them. Especially if there’s a bigger risk of being caught and exposed.
So when a narcissist says something, they could be lying or telling the truth. However they’re often skilled liars, due to years of practice. So to help you, here’s a run down of the tell tale signs a narcissist is lying…
Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Establish Their Baseline
When analysing their responses, it’s important to first establish the narcissists baseline behaviours. This is when they’re relaxed and being truthful.
Are they normally calm? Do they make good eye contact? Do they talk in a high or low pitch? Knowing these things is important, because it’s the deviation from their normal responses which gives you clues.
If they’re normally calm and still when talking, but become uncharacteristically tense and fidgety, then it’s a red flag. But if they’re normally tense and fidgety, then it’s difficult to come to this same conclusion.
Micro Expressions
The first reaction to something is usually the true one. Because our immediate reaction is an unfiltered response. But skilled liars cover this up by quickly changing their initial expression. So they may flash a grin when you tell them you lost your job. Then quickly replace it with a fake look of concern.
So pay attention to narcissists immediate micro expressions when reacting to something. Because they often reveal their true thoughts.
Most narcissists enjoy deceiving others. Because to them it confirms their superiority. So look out for subtle out of context smirks, that indicate they’re enjoying lying.
Eye Contact
Some narcissists avoid eye contact if they’re lying. Because they don’t want to give away any tells. So they may look down at the ground. Or take long blinks with their eyes closed. However some go the opposite route.
Some narcissists maintain an unnaturally intense stare, to throw you off the scent. So they may give you more eye contact than usual. Which is why it’s important to know their baseline behaviours.
Physical Movement
Excessive fidgeting may be a sign they’re lying and feeling the pressure. So look out for swaying, tapping fingers, eyes flitting around, etc.
Again this can go the other way. Some remain unnaturally still, to cover up their nervousness.
Again it’s important to know their baseline. If they’re normally fidgety, then you can’t take this as a sign they’re nervous and lying. Likewise if they’re normally still, then you can’t take their stillness as a sign they’re overcompensating.
Self Soothing Gestures
When people are lying, they usually feel the pressure. So they often perform involuntary behaviours to self sooth. These may include touching their face. Covering their mouth. Or fiddling with their hair.
If they uncharacteristically do these things, then they may have something to hide. At the very least, you have to question why they feel the need to self sooth right now.
Empathy
As you probably know, narcissists lack emotional empathy. So they don’t feel for others. And this little nugget can sometimes help you detect lies.
I once remember a narcissist asking me for someone’s phone number, because she was worried about him. So I instantly knew she was lying about why she wanted the number. Because she doesn’t worry about anyone, ever!
Inconsistent Stories
It’s easy to stay consistent when you’re telling the truth. And retell it almost exactly the same each time, because you remember what happened. But when you lie, you’re in danger of contradicting yourself. Unless you can remember all the fabricated details.
Sometimes narcissists contradict themselves within a few sentences. They may for example, cry poverty one minute, then show off their new designer clothes the next.
Often narcissists retell the same stories. Either to you or someone else. So listen for significant differences. Because if there’s two wildly different versions, then it’s likely they’re lying.
Changing The Subject
A big tell a narcissist’s lying is when they desperately want to change the subject. They’re not comfortable giving more details, because they know the more they give, the more they risk slipping up.
If they were telling the truth, they’d be happy to keep talking to get the win. So if they refuse to continue, then you must question why.
Narcissists are particularly sneaky when changing the subject. So they may change it without you noticing.
Narcissists may deliberately interpret something you said as “offensive”. And display false outrage. Which switches the focus from their lie, on to you. Or they may say something controversial, or triggering. So you focus on that, instead of their lie.
When dealing with narcissists, it’s good to stay calm. Keep your point firmly in your mind. Then return to it each time they deviate away from it. They hate this!
Vague Responses
Narcissists may use vague responses when being elusive. So they’re not technically lying. But they’re certainly being deceptive.
If the narcissist is normally a good communicator, then their vagueness a huge red flag. Particularly when they continue after being asked for clarity.
Pinning them down is like pinning jelly (or jello!) to the wall. So again it’s worth staying relaxed, and keeping them on point, by pressing for clear answers.
Anger
If you keep pressing them, they may resort to anger. The narcissist may be unhappy their deflections are failing. Or their anger might be a deliberate ploy.
Narcissists may fake anger to intimidate you into backing down. Because most people stop pressing when met with hostility. Even when they know the narcissist is wrong. So the narcissist hopes their angry outburst ends the conversation. Then they move on, away from their lies.
Ask Unexpected Questions
Throwing a curve ball question may reveal a narcissist liar. This is because truth tellers have the truth they witnessed to fall back on. Whereas liars must create on the spot. Which can be difficult and stressful.
So ask things such as “What was the weather like when you were there?”. Then watch their reaction. This is a good question to ask, because you can later check the weather reports to confirm. But the narcissist can’t when they’re put on the spot!
Consider Motivation
Does the narcissist have a reason to lie? Does it benefit them in some way?
If there’s a benefit to be gained from what they’re saying, then they could be lying. But obviously this isn’t definitive proof. Because they may be telling you a truth that happens to benefit them.
Listen To Your Gut
Our intuition is incredibly powerful at detecting when things don’t feel right. But most people ignore it. Often at their cost.
If something they say doesn’t feel right, then consider why. Whilst our intuition isn’t infallible, it’s always worth listening to. Have a good think about why what they said didn’t feel right.
If you’re unsure, stay patient. Sometimes our subconscious minds come up with answers when we least expect it. You might even be relaxing in the bath. Like a eureka moment!
Final Thoughts
There’s no fool proof way of telling when a narcissist is lying. But these tips help you build a picture. Use your intuition, and check this with logic, and a combination of these tips.
It’s not always worth confronting the narcissist about a lie. Especially if you don’t have definitive proof. Because they’re likely to deny it to the ends of the Earth. Then have the cheek to accuse you of bullying them.
The real advantage is that you know. So you can sniff out manipulations they’re planning. Or falsehoods they want you to believe. Which reduces your chances of being taken advantage of. And who knows, maybe one day you’ll be able to turn the tables, and take advantage of them!
Please CLICK HERE For Common Phrases Narcissists Use To Cover Up Their Lies
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