Many narcissists have the annoying habit of not giving straight answers. They give vague nonsensical answers, leaving you baffled and confused.
They might pretend they didn’t hear you. Change the subject. Answer a question with a question. Or answer a completely different question. It’s no wonder narcissists make good politicians!
But what’s going on? Why don’t narcissists give straight answers? Here’s a few reasons…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
A Substitute For Lying
Some narcissists prefer not to lie. They know they might be caught out. And narcissists hate being in the wrong. So they reserve lying for only when absolutely necessary.
Rather than lie, some twist their answers. You might ask them, “Do you have some money for the kids school trip?”
And they reply, “I don’t have any money in my wallet.” Knowing full well they have money in their pocket!
And if you catch them out they’ll say “I didn’t lie. I said I had no money in my wallet.”
But to all intents and purposes, this IS a lie. But they wriggle and worm their way out of it and claim it wasn’t. And leave you frustrated and giving up.
Narcissists Want You To Be Uncertain
Narcissists are sometimes deliberately vague because they WANT you to feel uncertain. They know you’re more controllable if you’re walking on eggshells, and not sure what’s going on.
Narcissists take control away from you by being vague. It’s their subtle way of telling you that you don’t matter.
Being deliberately vague can knock your self esteem. Because they’re not giving you the respect of a proper answer. And narcissists know that someone who’s insecure and lacking in confidence is more controllable.
This is just one of many ways narcissist knock your confidence.
Narcissists Keep Their Options Open
Narcissists are sometimes deliberately vague to keep their options open. Narcissists often do this after they’ve discarded someone for someone else.
They get back in contact and turn on the charm. And when asked, “So, does this mean we’re back together?” They reply, “I’ve got a lot on my mind right now.” They don’t say yes, and they don’t say no.
This usually means they still have a love interest elsewhere. So they imply you’re back together, but won’t state this outright. Then they see how things play out with the other person. And you can’t call them a cheater. “I never said we were back together.”
Easier To Blame You
A non specific statement is more difficult to defend yourself against. For example a narcissist might say “You don’t love me enough.”
This puts you on the back foot and makes you feel you’ve wronged them. But they haven’t said specifically how you don’t love them enough. Or what behaviours you need to change
They’re not saying something like “You never return my messages or calls.” Or, “You never hug me any more.” Because that’s specific and factual.
A vague accusation sets you up for chasing rainbows. They can continue to accuse you of this no matter what you do. And you’re left feeling inadequate, but not knowing what to do about it.
Then they have an ace up their sleeve. If you ever call them out on their behaviour, they can turn the tables and resort to this accusation. “I did it because you don’t love me enough.”
Stalling
A narcissist might be vague to stall you whilst they think of an answer. This could be because they’re not being truthful. So they need time to think of an answer.
If the narcissist tells a lot of lies, or has some hidden secrets, then they have to be cautious with EVERYTHING they say. Or they might trip themselves up. So they stall all the time.
Or it could be because they want to plan out their best answer. Narcissists are naturally devious, and want things to suit themselves as much as possible. So they might take time to think of the best answer for their own benefit.
Narcissists Like To Be Mysterious
I’ve noticed some narcissists like to be mysterious. And imply they’re important and have “things going on” in their lives.
I remember a narcissist friend said to me, “I’m just nipping out for a few minutes.” I asked him where he was going, and he gave me the vague answer, “Just got to sort some business out.”
He kept doing this, so on this occasion I decided to press him for an answer. I kept pressing him until he finally relented and admitted he was going out to buy some batteries!
Final thoughts
In a nutshell, narcissists are vague because they don’t want to be accountable for what they say. Being vague gives them the upper hand. It gives them the chance to move the goal posts should they want to.
Narcissists use vague statements for control and manipulation. Leaving you confused and off balance. A situation they revel in.
Narcissist don’t want things to be fair. And being vague is yet another tool narcissists use to play dirty.
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Again interesting. Never thought of myself like this
My narcissist is very good at being evasive when asked anything. One of his favorite game playing tactics is to say he is tired of fighting but picks fights with me.
Probably to make you feel it was you that started it! They like to confuse people.
I was in a situation where 2 different people were working on my mind. And I don’t think I am ever going to be able to fully trust anyone.
It takes a while to be able to trust after this sort of thing Connie. Maybe you will if you meet the right person.
He always said he never did anything wrong. If he chose to take another woman to an event and not me, it was acceptable in his mind, not thinking I was hurt by his actions. After telling me he loved me.
I experienced similar things Elisa. But I think some do know that things like this are wrong. They just don’t care. If they cared, they would stop once you explained how upsetting it was.
My ex thought it was perfectly fine for her to have male friends. But in no way should I have female friends!
i do some of this and i am a scapegoat in a narc household. my defense is “you don’t care, why should i tell you?” hmm i think you should identify the nuances. i am vague and non-specific in my communication, i also like to be mysterious. i think it’s just how my mind works.
They don’t necessarily make you a narcissist. Check out these common traits – http://narcissisms.com/common-traits-of-a-narcissist/
Constitutionally in capable of being honest with themselves or others. Why? They know their personalities are not in tact. Disfigured. Stunted. Lack identity or ability to connect with others because they hide what they know is off. Don’t want others to see they have flaws. Welcome to the human condition. Flawed. But they decide to blame, shame, abuse, bully, self aggrandizement, superiority, entitled self centered, delusional paranoid and evil. They spend their lives ruining others who have something they want. But will never have. A soul. A conscience. Only pain. Loneliness. and dissatisfaction because that is an inside job not fueled by others but by ones own values, beliefs, faith, hope love and a spirit of giving. Not enabling someone else to decide who you are because they can’t be who they are. Expose them and be prepared to be smeared, murdered, or so traumatized you lose all ability to function. They are vindictive. So fuck them. Let them take responsibility for their lack of acceptance of self. Victims they are not. Predators they are. And the leopard never changes its spots. Learn to go no contact. Keep your peace.
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yes this is spot on my ex-brother was exactly like this, they also like to set up situations where they talk trash about you to other people then get you together with them and drop it on you like it is something that they have talked to you about to make you look bad and you have no idea of what is going on. ex-brother because i have divorced them and don’t even want to hear about it when he dies, he is already dead. talking to our mother she said he had always been mean and she was ashamed of how he had treated his two wives
That Was really helpful thank you.. that pretty much answered the nonsense conversations, I just experienced whilst having a 3 hr car ride with my narc.
They can have you going round in circles for hours Michelle!