Through years of knowing narcissists, I’ve noticed they like to get people investing in them. And invest heavily for long periods of time.

The narcissist knows the more someone has invested in them, the harder it is to leave them. The narcissist tries to drag you in deep, so that you either can’t or won’t leave them.

When we’ve invested in something, we expect a return. And become reluctant to pull out on a loss. We live in hope that our investment comes good in the end. In this case, the narcissist comes good. But it never happens.

Like a gambler having “one last bet”, desperate to win back their money. You keep investing in the narcissist and lose more. By investing, I’m meaning your time, energy, and resources.

It’s not easy to walk away from a situation when you’re at a loss. And narcissists know this, and play on it. They slyly hint that your return is just around the corner. Dangling the carrot just out of reach.

This leaves you continuing to invest in the narcissist. Getting deeper and deeper invested. Losing more time, energy, and resources. Leaving many to conclude they’ve invested too much to walk away. And this leaves you in the palm of the narcissists hands. If you won’t leave them, they can get away with almost ANYTHING. And they will abuse this position.

Here’s some of the ways narcissists get people to invest in them, and drag them in so deep it’s difficult to leave them…

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Live In Hope

The closer a narcissist gets to you, the more narcissistic they behave. They become more controlling, more critical, less giving, and less pleasant to be around. If they sense they’ve pushed you too hard, they might retreat to “love bombing” and treating you nice for a while.

Narcissists often flit between their “nice act” and their “narcissistic side”, depending on how things are going. They also do this to keep you off balance.

By alternating their behaviours, you live in hope they’ll once day sort their heads out, and be that nice person you “know” is inside them. You naturally try and help them grow into that nice person. You figure that if you show them unconditional love and understanding, they’ll learn to be more loving themselves.

So you stick by them. Desperately helping them become a better person. Hoping they’ll mature and grow. And you invest so much energy in doing this. Whilst putting up with a lot of their behaviours. “Things won’t be like this forever”, you keep telling yourself.

But they never grow and mature. Neuro-typicals naturally learn to be more caring and compassionate as they age. But narcissists don’t. They lack empathy. And they rarely self reflect and admit to mistakes. So they don’t learn as much from life, and they mature slowly. Leaving you in a quandary. Once you’ve invested several years into them. When do I cut my losses?

Borrow Money And Possessions

Many narcissists like being in the position of owing money. Because in a strange way they have power over the person they owe money to.

Narcissists have impaired empathy, so they don’t lose sleep if they owe you cash or favours. And in a weird way, they use it to their benefit.

A narcissist might borrow a little here and there, until before you know it, they owe you a sizeable chunk. Enough that you don’t want to lose it.

The narcissist knows you won’t walk out on your friendship or relationship, through fear of not getting your cash back. So in a strange way, they have a hold over you, even though it’s them that’s borrowed from you.

The narcissist continues borrowing money, with all the promises in the world of paying you back. And people feel obliged to lend them more, through fear of not getting back what they’ve already lent.

They might pay you back in dribs and drabs, but they usually make sure they owe you something. That’s their insurance for not losing your supply.

Shared Purchases

I’ve noticed that narcissists like to make shared purchases. “Let’s go halves.” It could be anything from a car, tools, a house etc.

They know they’re more forceful than you about who controls the asset. So in essence it’s theirs – for half price. But more than that, you’re invested in them.

You know they’ll never have the money or the inclination to buy you out, should things turn sour. So you need to retain their friendship if you want to retain your share of the asset. Which allows the narcissist to treat you worse and get away with it.

Time

Narcissists are acutely aware of the time you’ve invested in them. It’s not easy to leave someone who you’ve invested 10 years of your life in.

Once time has clocked up, narcissists know they can get away with more. Because there’s more of an investment to tie you to them.

If you attempt to end things, the narcissist may remind you of all the time you’ve been together and all you’ve been through.

It’s not that they feel the loyalty. But they know you do. And reminding you of this makes it more difficult to leave them.

Children

Many narcissists like to have a baby early in a relationship. They know that effectively locks you in – at least for the next 18 years.

It’s much harder to leave someone when there’s children involved. And narcissists know this.

Even if you split up, they know they can walk in and out of your life whenever they want, “For the sake of the kids.” And it’s difficult to say no when it comes to children.

The narcissist knows they can play the “I miss my kids” line. Or “You can’t deny our children their parent”. And it’s difficult to refuse them. Plus the law is usually on their side.

Move In Together

Narcissists are often keen to move in together, early in a relationship. Again this locks you in as it’s more difficult to leave someone when you live with them. Because leaving them also requires you moving home.

The narcissist often rushes through the stages of a relationship, to drag you in deep. And you’ll notice, the deeper the narcissist drags you, the worse they treat you.

The “Ikea Effect”

Ikea is a furniture store with a difference. You buy the parts, then assemble the furniture yourself.

Studies show that people value the furniture more, because they had a hand in creating it.

Narcissists benefit from the “Ikea Effect”, because they’re often broken. And those close to them help build them. So they feel invested in continuing relationships with the narcissist. Even though they’re dysfunctional and harmful to them.

Please CLICK HERE To Learn More About The Ikea Effect

Final Thoughts

Narcissists know that the more you invest in them, the harder it is to leave. So they like you to invest as much as possible.

Narcissists want it to be difficult to leave them. Because the more difficult it is, the more likely you’ll put up with their narcissistic behaviours.

Accept that you won’t get the time and resources you invested back. What matters is your happiness. And if you’re not happy, holding on won’t help. You’ll just get dragged deeper and deeper into the narcissists world. Becoming more dependant on them. And expending more of your resources.

At some point you must hold you head out of the water, and swim away, safely to the shore. Turn your back on the past, and start a new life, focusing on yourself for a change.

You can’t turn back the clock and change the past. But you can change your future. And release yourself from those shackles, propelling yourself towards a brighter future.

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