It’s natural to be angry. Because the narcissist held you back for so long. And made life a living hell. But you must be kind to yourself.

Yes you were duped. But who knew that someone would be capable of living a complete lie? Someone who had such a lack of empathy that they never really cared about you. Despite spending years with you? I certainly didn’t!

We’re taught that there’s good in everyone. That we should be forgiving, and make relationships work. And if we’re in a fight, it takes two to tango. Implying that you must have contributed to the problems.

But these rules don’t apply to narcissists. They lack empathy. And feel entitled to take from others. A good healthy relationship is practically impossible with them.

It doesn’t always take two to tango. Not when it comes to narcissists. They go from relationship to relationship, taking as much they can. And abusing as much as they can get away with. It has nothing to do with their partners actions.

It’s highly likely you’re not their first, and you won’t be their last. Which shows they’re at fault, not you.

Narcissists often play our anger against us. They use “reactive abuse”, where they wind you up. Then play the victim when you finally snap. Making it seem like you are the abuser. This (amongst other things) gets us in the habit of suppressing our anger. And years of this builds up inside.

So let your anger out in healthy ways. Be assertive, rather than rage. Write down your thoughts in a journal. Speak to a trusted friend. Do some intense exercise. And it soon passes.

Think of your behaviour in terms of passive, aggressive, and assertive. Narcissists coax us into a passive state. Where we suppress ourselves to appease them. Until eventually anger bursts out. Aim to be assertive, where you’re open about your feelings, in a calm and rational way. You say what you need to say, but without exploding with rage.

When you want to calm down, take ten slow deep breaths in through your nose, and slowly out through your mouth. This is incredibly effective for immediate calming. Try it right now!

Meditation is also great for restoring calm. Please check out this simple guided meditation if want a head start…

Remember, be kind to yourself. You was looking for love, which most of us are. And someone deliberately hijacked this natural drive, for their own selfish means. THEY are the ones at fault, not you.

Many people are angry at the time lost. And mourn the fact that they can’t get it back. But here’s how I look at it…

In one sense it’s true, you can’t get back that time. But obsessing over it won’t help. In fact it makes things worse, because the narcissist is making you suffer from afar. So let it go. Don’t let them beat you down.

In another sense, you CAN get that time back. Think of it like this… If you spent years wearing metal boots, you feel more weary. But you also grow stronger. And when you eventually remove them, your legs feel lighter and bouncier than ever before. So you feel the benefits once you’re released.

Now you’re free, the boots are off. And life is easier and more enjoyable. Because you’re used to a worse situation. So you can be MORE happy over the simple things in life, than you would have been previously.

Without the burden that you grew used to, you can do more with your life. Think of it like this… if you managed to do anything with the narcissist around, imagine what you can achieve without them!

Be as positive as you can. Yes, you’ll have bad days. But now you’re free, you have the chance to do things you couldn’t before. Plus you don’t have the drain of catering to their needs all the time.

Live your best life, and get out there and do things. Take baby steps at first, if necessary. And grow from there.

The best revenge is to thrive as much as possible without them. Narcissists hate this. Because it shows they’re not as great as they think they are.

Narcissists want to see you broken and miserable without them. They want you pining for their return. Because this validates their supposed “greatness”. And that’s all that matters to them.

So be happy. Live life to the fullest. Get fit, active, and alive. Because not only is this best for you, it’s the biggest slap in the face you can possibly deliver!

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Narcissists typically cause their partners flight or fight hormones to go into overdrive. Because of their erratic behaviours, and selfish attitudes.

These stress hormones aren’t supposed to be triggered all the time. They’re designed to get us out of immediate danger, then quickly return back to base levels.

Narcissists heighten these levels most of the time. Which over time, damages our body’s.

On top of this, most partners of narcissists receive little, if any help from them. Yet they’re expected to do almost everything for the narcissist. Effectively doubling their work load. And years of this takes it toll.

Narcissists demand so much time and energy, that it’s almost impossible to look after your health and well being. So their partners typically neglect themselves.

I’ve noticed that many partners of narcissists appear bloated, pale, and ill looking. And I did too.

When I look at pictures before my relationship, and during, it paints an obvious picture. My health was good before the relationship. During the relationship I gained weight and looked ill. And now several years on from the relationship, and I look much better.

Here’s my top tips for reversing the ageing caused by narcissists…

Reduce Anxiety

Many partners of narcissists develop anxiety. I left my narcissist relationship with almost crippling anxiety. I would sometimes be shaking just opening the front door. And this isn’t good for your mental or physical health. So I decided to do something about it.

Daily meditation helped me calm my mind and body. And it’s something everyone can benefit from.

Meditation gives a quick fix of relaxation, and with regular use, it gets you used to being relaxed. Which is important for maintaining calm.

Narcissist get us so accustomed to feeling stressed, that it becomes our normal state. So when we’re not stressed, we feel uncomfortable. Perhaps bored and restless. So we unconsciously seek out drama and stress. Just to feel “normal”. Which is taxing on our mind and body.

Once you get used to feeling relaxed, you can let go of the need for stress and drama. And live a calmer and happier life. Without feeling that something is “wrong”.

If you’re unsure how to meditate, please check out this simple guided meditation I created…

I also talked to my Doctor, who prescribed medication. Whilst I’m not a fan of medication, sometimes needs must. And it did help reduce my anxiety.

Prioritise Sleep

A good nights sleep reduces anxiety. And the benefits don’t stop there.

Virtually all longevity experts agree that good sleep is one of the pillars of longevity. And it costs nothing to do.

I made the decision to go to bed earlier. So that I didn’t need an alarm to force me awake. Which allowed me get more quality sleep.

If an alarm wakes you every morning, then it shows you’re probably not getting enough sleep. Because if you were, you’d already be awake. So go to bed earlier, so you don’t need to interrupt your sleep.

I also made sure I wound down a few hours before going to bed. And got myself into a relaxed state, both mentally and physically. (Meditation may help this!)

Again, if you’re struggling to fall asleep or maintain it, then it may be worth medical intervention. At least for a while. Because although taking tablets to help sleep isn’t ideal, it’s better than suffering with chronic sleep issues.

Diet

A good diet is vitally important for your health and longevity. And although healthy foods may seem boring at first, we quickly adapt. Until eventually you no longer crave unhealthy foods. And they may even feel a little nauseating.

Avoid processed foods as much as possible. And eat more foods that God created. Rather than the foods man makes in factories.

Good foods are fruits, vegetables, meat, fish, nuts, eggs. Ingredients, rather than products. All the things our ancestors ate.

Reduce your intake of refined sugars, as these are well known to age us. And cause a whole host of health issues, such as cancers, diabetes, and heart disease. Avoid cooking with seed oils. Instead use extra virgin olive oil, coconut oils, butter, etc.

Don’t forget about liquids. Avoid sugary drinks, especially sodas. And drink more water, green tea, herbal teas, etc. Drinks without sugar, sweeteners, and other chemicals.

Exercise

Our body’s are designed to work. But modern life has many conveniences that do this for us. So we need to exercise to keep our body strong, and firing on all cylinders.

The best exercise is the one you stick to. So if hiking’s your thing, do that. If you prefer swimming, then great. Create an exercise schedule, of what you’re going to do, and when. And treat it like you would brushing your teeth. Consider it a non negotiable part of your day.

If you want to take your fitness to the next level, then consider doing something for all 3 main areas of fitness. These are strength, cardio, and flexibility.

I personally lift weights for strength. Use the treadmill and cross trainer for cardio. And attend a weekly yoga class for flexibility. But I didn’t do all of these things from day one.

I lifted weights first. And did this until it became engrained in my routine. I then added cardio, until this became “normal”. Then after a while I added yoga.

My routine gradually evolved. So it wasn’t a shock to my system. And it wasn’t overwhelming, where I felt like giving up. Ease yourself in, and gradually up the ante. Be kind to yourself!

Any amount of exercise is better than none. So even if you do two 20 minute sessions per week, that’s far better than none.

Final Thoughts

Most people look after their cars, homes, and pets. But miss themselves out. However none of these things matter, if we’re in poor health.

Get in the habit of prioritising your health and longevity. Because not only will you look better, you’ll feel better too.

When you’re firing on all cylinders, life gets easier. And your abilities grow. Leaving you happier, healthier, and more successful.

Narcissists take your focus, and direct it onto them. But now you’re free, you can focus your energy back on yourself. And improve your mental and physical health. And in turn, improve your life.

There’s far more literature on longevity than this article can provide. But this should give you a solid foundation to start from.

If you want to learn more about longevity, check out longevity experts such as Jessie Inchauspé, David Sinclair, Andrew Huberman, and Peter Attia. There’s plenty of free content all over social media, particularly YouTube.

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You may think you’re missing the narcissist, but you’re probably not.

You may miss someone being there for you. And being part of a relationship. But narcissists aren’t there for you. And they’re not proper relationships. They’re one-sided affairs, and they’re in it for themselves.

The narcissists mission is to take as much as they can, whilst giving as little as possible. So they actually drain you. Rather than give you anything meaningful.

Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

If you still feel you’re missing them, then you’re probably actually missing their false self. This is the person that pretended to be nice. That faked being your ideal partner, when love bombing you at the start. And “nice” when they sensed they’ve pushed you too far.

Narcissists spend years honing their façade. To draw people in for supply. Their real self is cold and uncaring. The person who ignored you in your time of need. Who stuck the boot in when you were down. And made you question your sanity.

Many people are fooled into thinking the narcissists nice act is who they are. And it’s a blip when they’re narcissistic. But it’s the complete opposite.

Narcissists know what they’re doing. And not only do they want to take from you, they also want to treat as badly as they can get away with. But without quite pushing you away.

Narcissists need attention like we need air. So they want to abuse you as much as possible, without you leaving. Because otherwise they’d have to find new supply. Which takes time and energy. So they aim to push you just bellow your limit.

If they sense they pushed you too much, they may retreat back to the nice act for a while. To keep you sweet. So you stick around, giving them supply.

Narcissists lack emotional empathy. So they never truly connect on an emotional level. Which means they don’t feel your pain. Or share your joy. So they’re not capable of giving you the loving connection you need and deserve.

The narcissist may claim they’ve changed. And may even provide evidence of this. But it’s almost always a ruse to win you back. And once they’ve achieved this, they revert back to type. Often worse than last time.

As I said earlier, narcissists treat you as badly as they can get away with. So if you take them back, it’s a green light to treat you badly. Because in their mind it means you’re OK with their past abuses. Or why else would you take them back?

Once their feet are firmly back under the table, they’re likely to treat you worse than before. And many victims of narcissist relationships confirm this. So if last time was bad, think what it’ll be like next time.

You may be lonely. Or missing that vital connection. But believe me, this is better than taking a narcissist back. Because at least you have control over your life. And the space to find someone more deserving of you.

Narcissists stop you meeting caring empathetic people. Because their demands take up most of your time and energy. And they often isolate their partners. So you have little chance to meet new people who might actually care about you.

Take time to work on yourself. Join a gym. Enrol in a class. Take up new hobbies.

This massively boosts your confidence and self esteem. Helps you grow as a person. And gives you the chance to meet like-minded people. And who knows, you may meet someone who’s actually capable of a genuine loving relationship. And if not, you’re still giving yourself love and care. Which is more than you can expect from a narcissist.

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They say various things that lead to them to conclude that I should stop talking about narcissism. How’s that for free speech?! And many of these same “reasons” keep cropping up. So I thought I’d share them here.

If you talk regularly about narcissism online, then you’ll probably hear some of these same objections. Because I’ve heard them many times. And others I know have too.

Learning what narcissists say to shut you down helps you be ready with a response. And it clarifies your thinking. Because narcissists create doubt and confusion. Especially with their unique brand of logic!

Without further ado, here’s some of the things narcissists have said to shut me down from discussing narcissism…

Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

You’re Spreading Hate Towards Neuro Divergent People

I’ve been told many times that I spread hate towards “neuro divergent” narcissists. As if I’m rallying troops to topple poor “disabled” victims. But I’m not.

I educate and validate people who’ve been affected by narcissists. So I give information about typical behaviours and motivations. Because this clarifies what went on. And it shows how the narcissist manipulated things to make the victim seem at fault.

I never encourage anyone to harm narcissists. My only aim is to help their victims. Why would anyone object to this, even if they are a narcissist?

People have gone on to say that I’m ruining the lives of people suffering with NPD. But it’s not like they walk around with NPD branded on their forehead. So if they treat others well, then no one knows they’re a narcissist.

Also I’ve never heard of people making random attacks on narcissists, for being narcissists. And I’ve never heard of mine or anyone else’s content cause such problems. So it seems that the only hatred is the hatred of their tactics being exposed.

You’re Obsessed / I’m Worried About You

Many times I’ve been accused of being obsessed with narcissism. And I’ve even had people tell me they’re worried about me, because of my posts. Like they care about a random stranger online!

Yes, I write a blog about narcissism. So of course I’m going to discuss it regularly. But that’s no indication of an unhealthy obsession. And even if it was, why would they care? Could it be that they only care to stop me revealing narcissists tricks?!

Why Don’t You Write Content That Helps Narcissists?

Several people have reached out, asking why I don’t write content that helps narcissists. But the problem is that I don’t suffer with NPD. So what experience can I offer?

When these people approach me, I sometimes suggest that they set up a blog to help narcissists. And I’ve even offered to send them traffic when someone with NPD reaches out to me. But no one takes me up on this.

Surely if someone wants content out there to help people with NPD, they’d do it themselves? Not pressure a stranger online to do it for them.

I’ve no objection to people helping narcissists. In fact I’m all for it. But it doesn’t mean it’s my role to do so. I’ve got my hands full enough helping narcissists victims!

Everybody’s A Narcissist These days

I get this comment quite regularly – “everybody’s a narcissist these days”. But nowhere do I suggest everyone’s a narcissist!

These people imply that I’m jumping on the bandwagon. And saying everyone’s a narcissist who does something I don’t like. But I never accuse anyone of being a narcissist.

I talk about narcissists traits, behaviours, and motivations. And how best to deal with them. On what planet is that accusing everyone of being a narcissist?!

Narcissism Is Rare

Some people say that I’ve probably never met a narcissist, since it’s so rare. So I must be making things up. But I can refute this on two counts.

First, I worked in the mental health field for 14 years. And worked with many diagnosed narcissists. So I’ve got plenty of professional experience.

Also, narcissism isn’t as rare as many people think. It’s true that less than 1% of the population are diagnosed. But that’s nowhere near the full picture.

Narcissists are notorious for not seeking help. Because they believe they’re superior, and perfect as they are. A diagnosis shows there’s something “wrong” with them. Which goes against their delusions of superiority. So they don’t want to put themselves in this position.

Also, many people have no idea what NPD is. Or even that it exists. And that includes people who suffer with it. So a fair chunk of people don’t seek diagnosis, because they know nothing about it.

A study a few years back showed that around 6.2% of people qualify as having full NPD. That’s one in fifteen people. Which isn’t that rare.

On top of this, narcissists seek out company far more than average. They’re the people that constantly seek new friends and lovers. Because they don’t like to be alone, and they often ruin their relationships. Which increases the likelihood of contact with them.

Final Thoughts

If you want to talk about narcissism, then don’t let anyone stop you. You’re entitled to express your thoughts, experiences, and opinions, as long as they don’t harm others. People disagreeing or feeling uncomfortable, doesn’t give them the right to shut you down.

Raising awareness about narcissism helps on two counts. First it helps victims understand what happened. Helping them heal from the damage caused. Plus it indirectly helps narcissists.

Narcissists often avoid therapy because there’s no reason to seek it. Their narcissism helps them get what they want. So why should they change?

With more awareness about narcissism, more people become wiser to their manipulations. Making them less effective.

Once the narcissist realises their narcissism no longer serves them, then they may be more motivated to change, and seek therapy. Because it no longer serves their life.

However, it’s easier to keep people blind, and continue their narcissism. Than bring it out into the open, and make the effort to change. Which may be why some narcissists try to stop people talking.

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There’s many small things we do in loving relationships, that show we care. And whilst no one’s perfect, most of us deliver the majority of these things, most of the time.

Narcissists, on the other hand, hardly do any of these smaller things. And the shear weight of things they don’t do, leaves us feeling neglected.

I once remember a friend of my ex’s daughter visiting our house, and we were all eating ice lolly’s. When I finished mine, her friend reached over to throw my lolly stick away for me, and I was struck.

I realised that nobody ever does anything like that for me. Ever. I know it’s only small, but I was so starved of care, that I still remember it over ten years later!

It can be difficult to pinpoint why you feel neglected when you’re in a narcissist relationship. Because “on paper” you’re not. And narcissists are masters at lowering your expectations.

Sadly this causes many people to believe they’re expecting too much. So they accept a neglectful relationship. And of course narcissists encourage this perception.

To help you recognise whether you’re being neglected, here’s some common ways narcissists neglect people in their life…

Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Narcissists Don’t Listen

Narcissists prefer to talk than listen. Because talking is more dominant. And they genuinely believe the world waits with baited breath for their pearls of wisdom.

Some narcissists fake listening by throwing out generic nods and mmm’s every now and then. But don’t specifically respond to what you’re saying. Other narcissists are more blasé, and blatantly ignore you.

Not being listened to by a “loved one” isn’t good for your mental well being. As you can feel lonely, unheard, and isolated, even when in their company.

“Loved ones” are supposed to provide you with the most comfort and connection. So it’s neglectful if they consistently don’t. Especially if you spend a lot of time with them. Because if you’re not getting connection from them, then who are you getting it from?

Refuse To Listen To Your Problems

Narcissists happily bark about their own problems for hours on end. But the minute you bring up yours, you’re shut down.

They may offer half assed “solutions”, when all you want is a listening ear. They may trivialise your problems. And compare them with theirs – which are always worse. Or they may ridicule you, to embarrass you out of discussing them.

Knowing a loved one sees your problems as an inconvenience isn’t good for the soul. So most people learn to avoid discussing them. Because it only makes them feel worse when they’re shunned.

This conditions you to stop discussing your problems. So you become emotionally neglected, without the narcissist doing anything. Because they’ve already laid the foundations with their past conduct. And this puts you in a bind.

If you bring up your problems, they find ways to shut you down, which isn’t pleasant. But if you keep your problems to yourself, then you’re essentially neglecting yourself. And the narcissist can hold their hands aloft, declaring that they couldn’t help you if you didn’t tell them. So you can’t really win!

Withhold Affection

Sadly with narcissists, love is conditional. So if you don’t do as they please, they may withhold affection to punish you.

Narcissists are extremely thin skinned. And the slightest thing may trigger them to withhold affection. And you might not even know why.

Withholding affection is emotional neglect. And confusingly, narcissists often switch from hot to cold, for no apparent reason. Just to gain tactical advantages, depending on what’s going on at the time.

Narcissists also breadcrumb, where they give occasional bits of love and care, in between long bouts of neglect and sometimes abuse. This makes those rare moments of care feel like ecstasy. And can fool people into thinking they’re not being neglected. Because the bar has been set so low.

Ghosting

Ghosting is another way narcissists neglect people. And this can be a cruel and confusing form of punishment.

Narcissists often ghost people to punish them. Because they don’t have to discuss why they’re upset with them. So their unrealistic demands aren’t brought out into the open.

Ghosting is a harsh form of neglect. Because the victim usually has no idea what the problem is. How it can be solved. And when the ghosting will end. So they’re left in limbo, with no obvious solution.

Disappear

Some narcissists neglect their partners by disappearing for hours, even days. Causing worry and stress.

These disappearances may be another form of punishment. Or as a result of their selfishness.

Narcissists lack of empathy means they don’t consider their partners feelings. So they may not think to let them know where they’re going.

Other narcissists deliberately disappear to hurt their partner. Because they know their imagination is working in overdrive, wondering where they are.

Hiding your whereabouts is another form of neglect, if you’re in a romantic relationship. Because your supposed to be there for each other. And you’re supposed to have a special bond. But sadly, narcissists rarely honour their side of the deal.

Financial Neglect

Narcissists often financially neglect their loved ones. Because like everything else, they’re selfish with their money. Especially with those they’re closest to.

Narcissists often talk their partners out of working. Because this gives more control over them. But at the same time, they don’t want to pay for everything. So as usual, they aim for the best of both worlds.

This usually means their partners get the scraps. And what they do receive, comes with strings attached. But if they try and look for work, the narcissist may block them. Because they want them safely tucked away at home, all for themselves.

The narcissist doesn’t care about their partners finances. As long as they’re getting what they want from the relationship. Sadly, narcissists only focus on what THEY want.

Neglect Your Health

Narcissists expect their partners to look after them, not the other way round. So when you’re ill, the narcissist may vanish.

They may decide they need to travel for some “important” reason. They may play down your illness, and act like everything’s fine. Or invent their own illness – that’s worse than yours.

Sadly, narcissists think nothing of abandoning their loved ones in their time of need. And their lack of empathy stops them feeling guilty about it. I’ve even heard stories of narcissists expecting their partners to do housework, despite suffering life threatening illnesses.

Lack Of Empathy

Narcissists lack of empathy means they don’t connect on an emotional level. So they don’t share in your pain or joy. And whilst some are better at faking empathy, that’s all it is – fake.

Narcissists don’t feel pain when you’re hurt. So they don’t feel moved to comfort you. And they don’t share your joy when something’s gone well. So they’re not happy for your success. In fact, they’re more likely to be jealous.

Intuitively you probably know how insensitive the narcissist is. How little they’re rooting for you. And how disconnected they are emotionally.

Years of this makes you feel lonely and neglected. But sadly, you may not be able to put your finger on why.

Final Thoughts

Narcissists don’t emotionally connect. And have no intention of doing so. Which leaves their partners feeling neglected and alone.

Narcissists want all the power in their relationships. So they aim to get YOU emotionally attached, whilst they’re indifferent. Then they have the power to threaten to end the relationship, should you act out of line.

Narcissists want someone to use. Not a mutually beneficial relationship. And they work tirelessly to create this dynamic. Which is why they’re so neglectful. Narcissists have no intention of giving you any more than the minimum, to keep you around.

Couple this with their lack of empathy, and it’s no wonder many partners of narcissists feel neglected and forgotten. Because frankly, they are.

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Narcissist hoarders may have homes that resemble junk yards. Making simple tasks, such as cooking and even cleaning, a logistical nightmare. Yet they seem oblivious to the chaos around them.

Why do some narcissists hoard, when it makes their life more difficult? What do they get from it? Do they know they’re doing it? In this article I’ll explore the reasons why narcissists hoard…

Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Laziness/Apathy

I thought I’d get this one out the way, because it isn’t technically hoarding. But it can look like it.

Some narcissists can’t be bothered keeping their house tidy. Or even throwing things away. So they accumulate stuff over time.

These narcissists avoid tidying for a few reasons. They may find housework boring. Because narcissists need more stimulation than most people.

Some narcissists feel that tidying is beneath them, due to their delusions of superiority. So they won’t entertain the idea of doing it. As it’s the job of someone inferior.

Other narcissists are so self absorbed, they don’t see the chaos around them. So they happily go about their day, oblivious to the mess piling up.

These narcissists aren’t really hoarding. But they build up things over time, because of their unwillingness to keep an orderly home.

Control

Many narcissists hoard due to their need for control. As you probably know, narcissists like to control relationships. Because it makes them feel safe, and less likely to be abandoned. (Particularly borderlines). But people are hard to control, even for narcissists.

No matter how much narcissists try, peoples’ lousy free will gets in the way. And they do things that the narcissist doesn’t expect. So they may turn to hoarding to regain a feeling of control. Because inanimate objects don’t wander off and do their own thing.

So some narcissists seek comfort by collecting material objects. Because they have full control over them. Which is why they may react angrily if someone throws things away, or even moves them. As it threatens this control.

Trophies

Some narcissists keeps trophies from past relationships. Such as love letters, clothing, and other items.

Narcissists may keep these trophies as proof of past relationships. And to remind themselves how desirable they are.

These trophies provide narcissistic supply, particularly when the narcissist is feeling lonely and unloved. And they may use these trophies to show off to others.

Another benefit of trophies from past relationships is leverage for hoovering. If the narcissist wants to win an ex back, they may get their foot back in the door by offering to give these things back. And they may use the fact that they’ve kept these items as “proof” they still care.

Narcissists Depression

There’s a high prevalence of depression among narcissists. And this can cause them to give up on life.

Once they’ve given up, keeping a tidy home is the least of their concerns. And even if they prefer things tidier, their depression saps their motivation.

In this scenario, the narcissist may spiral into a deeper depression, the worse their house gets. So they deteriorate alongside their home. Making it increasingly harder to get back on track.

To Assert Their Dominance

Narcissists like to dominate others. And some narcissists assert their dominance over their household, by filling it with their stuff.

These narcissists fill every room, almost like they’re marking their territory. So wherever you turn, their presence is felt.

Some narcissists see these objects as extensions of themselves. So they expect them to be respected and left alone. Even if they’re slowly decaying in a dark corner. Or blocking access to part of the house.

Play The Victim

Some narcissists play the victim to gain attention and favours. Particularly covert narcissists.

Hoarding is a visual show that thing’s aren’t OK. As there’s no doubt that something’s not right, if their house is rammed full of stuff.

Some narcissists let their house deteriorate, to visually communicate they need help. So people feel sorry for them. And help them get back on track.

Whilst these narcissists enjoy a free team of cleaners, they also enjoy the attention. And secretly fantasise about being rich and powerful, with a team of staff waiting on them.

I’ve even known narcissists to make regular posts on social media about their home, hoping to find rescuers. But think of this…

A genuine victim usually dissuades people from helping. Because they feel guilty. And they understand that it’s their own problem that they must solve.

Another clue they’re playing games is if they don’t help with the clean up. Any normally thinking person would do the lions share. Rather than sit back and watch others work for them.

Punishment

Some narcissists hoard to passive-aggressively punish people in their home. These narcissists deliberately make living conditions hell. Just to get back at their family.

I know this sounds crazy, and it is. The narcissist sacrifices their own standard of living, just to punish others. And it might be over a whole bunch of nothing.

Narcissists are incredibly thin skinned, and highly entitled. Which means that seemingly innocent things trigger a narcissists wrath. So they could be making their own, and everyone else’s life a misery, over something trivial.

Animal Hoarding

Some narcissists hoard pets in the same way they hoard objects. And may have a large and intrusive collection of animals roaming around their home.

The function of these animals is to make the narcissist feel better about themselves. As the narcissist has full control over these creatures. Which, like I said earlier, is difficult to replicate with people.

Sadly, these animals are often neglected. Because like most things, their function is to serve the narcissist. Not the other way round.

Final Thoughts

Like I said earlier, not all narcissists hoard. Some get a fix by being super tidy. And looking down their nose at less tidy people.

However a significant amount of narcissists do hoard. And this often brings misery to themselves, and those around them.

Sadly, the narcissist doesn’t care what impact their hoarding has on others. Because their prime concern is themselves. And if their hoarding fulfils a need, then they’ll do it. Even at the cost of their loved ones mental and physical health. And even their own.

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They might cause an argument, just before bedtime. Bang around early in the morning, or late at night. Or blatantly prod you until you wake. But hypocritically, they scream the house down if you tiptoe past and accidentally wake them.

Why are narcissists hell bent on keeping you awake? Is it deliberate? What’s going on? Here’s why narcissists disturb your sleep…

Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Narcissists Need Attention

Most narcissists can’t go more than a few minutes without attention. So your sleep is a major inconvenience. Because you can’t give them attention when you’re sleeping.

Unsurprisingly, the narcissists needs come first. So their need for attention outweighs your need for sleep. So they have no qualms waking you, to extract what they want. It doesn’t matter how tired or busy you are.

Narcissists Think Of You As An Object

Narcissists commonly think of others as objects, rather than people. Like everyone are NPC’s in their story.

You wouldn’t have any qualms switching on your toaster at midnight, if you wanted toast. And in the same way, narcissists think nothing of waking you, if they need you.

Narcissists Lack Of Boundaries

The narcissists lack of empathy makes them struggle to appreciate others boundaries. Particularly if you’re close to them.

In the narcissists mind, you’re a part of them. So if they want something from you, they should have it. No matter what. However this energy changes when you want something from them!

The narcissist only sees their own wants and needs. So if they want you awake, they have no problem waking you. Because in their mind, you should wake to serve them. They don’t consider the inconvenience to you.

To Get You To Agree To Something

Narcissists know that you’re not thinking straight when you’re waking up. So if they want you to agree to something, they may wake you to “ask”.

You might be fooled into thinking they’re being impatient wanting an answer. But they know what they’re doing. They want you to agree to something you wouldn’t normally agree to. So they hope you mindlessly agree, as you wake from your slumbers.

Energy Games

Narcissists always want the upper hand in relationships. So they weaken their partners to give them an edge. Which is why they knock their self esteem. And criticise when they’re trying to better themselves.

Ruining your sleep weakens you. Because it puts you in a daze, and knocks the fight out of you. Which allows narcissists to more easily manipulate and control.

This is another reason why narcissists are fine waking you, but are livid when you wake them. They want to be in control, with energy in the bank. Whilst you’re a tired mindless zombie.

To Cause Drama

If the narcissist knows it winds you up, then they may wake you to create drama. As you probably know, most narcissists get bored easily. Especially when things are peaceful. So they look to spice things up with some drama.

Waking you may create immediate conflict, if you react. Giving the narcissist a quick fix of drama. Which gets their heart pumping, and warms their cold blood.

So you might think you’re doing yourself a favour by giving them a piece of your mind when you wake. And most people would. But it could be playing into their hands.

To Prove Themselves

To narcissists, almost everything is a competition. And some take pride in how little sleep they need.

However, if you’re asleep and they’re not, there’s no one to prove their superiority to. So they may wake you, just to show you that they’re awake. Crazy I know!

One trick I’ve seen narcissists do is hoover at unusual times. Such as early in the morning or late at night. This is the noisiest of all household chores. And also, they don’t have to do any actual work. Just sit there with the hoover running!

These narcissists often sleep more than they let on. So they may wake you as soon as they wake up. Claiming they’ve been awake for hours.

To Punish

Narcissists consider themselves the arbiters of right and wrong. With the authority to punish as they see fit.

However they’re extremely thin skinned. And seemingly innocent things can trigger their wrath. Causing them to punish for things most people consider trivial.

Narcissists often neglect to mention what hurt them. Or even that they’re dishing out a punishment. Probably because deep down they know they’re being unreasonable.

Instead they passive aggressively punish, to avoid rational discussion. So their unreasonable demands are not openly discussed.

One of the narcissists forms of punishment is disturbing sleep. So they may keep you up, in retaliation for something you supposedly did wrong. Even though you’ve no idea what you did. Or even that you’re being punished.

To Feel Powerful

Narcissists love feeling powerful. Which is why many are drawn to guns. Jobs with power. And people weaker than themselves.

Waking you up satisfies their lust for power. Because they instantly changed your conscious state. Just by making a noise, or turning on a light.

Some narcissists get a kick out of this. Which is why they may wake you for no apparent reason. They just want to exercise power over you. And waking you is one of the easiest ways to do this.

Final Thoughts

As with most things, narcissists have one rule for you, and another for themselves. So they’re allowed to wake you on a whim. But you’re not allowed to wake them. And they don’t see the hypocrisy in this.

Narcissists use sleep as a weapon to keep you under control. And their lack of empathy stops them caring your need for sleep anyway.

Sadly, when you’re in a narcissist relationship, they wear you down. Some of it deliberately, and some due to their selfishness. And this can go on for years, with no respite. Not even in your asleep.

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You may see the narcissists eyes glaze over when you speak. As they’re searching for more pearls of wisdom. Rather than letting your words resonate.

The narcissists may offer vague answers at best. Which imply they weren’t listening to you. And at worst, completely blank you.

You may also notice that narcissists don’t retain what you tell them. And despite a long detailed conversation, they may not even remember having it. Which shows the lack of attention they’re paying.

Why don’t narcissists listen? Here’s a run down of why narcissists don’t listen to others…

Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Delusions Of Superiority

Narcissists kid themselves that they’re superior. So what they say is of utmost importance to humanity. And everyone should hang on to their words.

You, on the other hand, are inferior. And your words are insignificant. So the narcissist doesn’t waste their energy listening to you. Because there’s nothing to be gained.

This might sound crazy, but it’s how narcissists think. Narcissists self esteem is so shaky, they have to constantly prove themselves. And in their mind, delivering long monologues “proves” their superiority.

Talking is active. Whereas listening is passive. And many narcissists see talking as a sign of dominance. So they’re more willing to talk, than listen. Because to narcissists, a show of dominance is vital to their psychological make up.

Narcissistic Supply

You may notice that the closer you get with narcissists, the less they listen. So if you’re in a romantic relationship or related, they probably listen to you less than they would a stranger. This is down to narcissistic supply.

Narcissistic supply is the attention and validation narcissists need. As they psychologically crumble without it. But narcissists prefer supply from someone new. Because winning over someone new is more of a challenge, and therefore more rewarding. Which gives them greater supply.

So narcissists try less with people they’re familiar with. Because winning them over is not an issue. And there’s less supply to be sourced. So they don’t even pretend to listen. Because, why should they?

So you may find that the narcissist dismisses something you say. Then weeks later a stranger says the same thing. And the narcissist hangs on every word. And applauds their genius. Which can be irritating and frustrating.

Sense Of Entitlement

Narcissists believe they’re entitled to more than most. And this has nothing to do with merit.

Narcissists believe they’re entitled through birth right. And the universe owes them for being superior. Even if they’ve achieved nothing of note.

If the narcissist likes talking, which most do, then they feel entitled to dominate conversations. Because they’re superior. And people should be grateful to them for sharing their superior intellect.

So narcissist aren’t worried about doing all the talking, and denying others a chance to speak. Because it’s their right to dominate conversations.

Jealousy

Although they may look like adults, most narcissists have the emotional maturity of a child. And it’s amazing how small things trigger massive jealousy.

A narcissist may get jealous if you know more about something than them. If you’re a better talker than them. Or if you live a more successful life.

To remedy this, the narcissist may decline to ask you about things you’re doing. And change the subject to themselves. Through fear that you may be doing well, and trigger their jealousy. So instead they bombard you with trivial tales, to give you no chance of out shining them.

You may be excited to have recently signed a book deal. But instead of asking how it’s going, the narcissist talks about their new shoes. Because they want to shut you down, rather than give you the chance to share your success.

Lack Of Empathy

Most narcissists enjoy talking about their favourite subject – themselves. And because they have impaired empathy, they don’t flip the script. And consider how tedious it must be to listen to their biography.

Instead, the narcissist has a great time. Talking at you for hours. Regaling you with tales of their youth. Without the slightest concern that you might find this boring.

Narcissists find talking enjoyable and energising. And assume you must be having an equally good time listening.

Your needs, and the reality of the situation, don’t enter their mind. Which is why they can talk non stop for hours, without feeling bad. Their lack of empathy means they don’t consider their audience.

Devaluation

Narcissists usually devalue their partner once a relationship is established. This is where they use subtle and increasingly more blatant put downs. To establish their dominance.

The point of devaluation is to lift themselves up, by tearing you down. And ignoring you is one of their tool of devaluation. Because it subtly tells you that you’re less important than them. As they don’t even dignify you with an answer. Which is very disrespectful if you think about it.

So you may find that your narcissist partner blanks you when you ask a question. Even though they clearly heard you. Just to let you know your place.

Final thoughts

Narcissists don’t listen for many reasons. But have no problem listening when they need to. If their boss, or someone important talks, they listen. If a new flame they’re love bombing talks, they listen.

Narcissists don’t listen when there’s no benefit in doing so. Which shows their self absorbed natures.

Conversations are one of life’s joys. But only when done right. With each person given a fair chance to talk.

But narcissists ruin this dynamic by their unwillingness to listen. And whilst they may think this demonstrates their superiority, they’re missing out on one of life’s gifts. Because no one wants a conversation with a bore who speaks in monologues.

Inevitably people avoid narcissists who talk too much. And they miss out on sharing peoples thoughts, experiences, and opinions. But because they’re so self absorbed, they have no idea what they’re missing out on.

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Understanding the difference between ghosting and no contact helps you deal with narcissists. Because you’re pre-prepared for this confusing manipulation.

Before we delve into how narcissists manipulate the similarities, here’s a quick description of ghosting and no contact…

Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Ghosting

Ghosting is when someone completely withdraws communication. And disappears from someone’s life. With no explanation of what’s going on.

Narcissists typically ghost people to punish them. Or they may ghost someone because they’ve found a new supply. And can’t be bothered ending their current relationship.

So narcissists ghost to either deliberately hurt someone. Or as a consequence of their selfish behaviour. There’s no positive intent.

Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

No Contact

No contact is a response to your peace being disturbed. If someone brings toxicity to your life, and won’t leave you alone, then no contact is often the best policy.

When you no contact a narcissist, it’s best to withdraw ALL communication. So you may change your phone number. Block them on social media. And avoid places they go.

If the harassment is extreme, it may be worth moving house. And even changing jobs. Because some narcissists are known to stalk. Causing worry and misery for months, even years.

The Similarities

There’s obvious similarities between no contact and ghosting. They both involve stopping contact and communication with someone. And on the surface they can appear the same.

However, ghosting and no contact are poles apart. Especially when you consider the motivations of each…

The Differences Between Ghosting And No Contact

People usually go no contact to preserve their peace. And are pushed into it, for the sake of their sanity.

Narcissists bring toxicity. And once they ingrain themselves into someone’s life, they’re difficult to remove. Because if the narcissist has something to gain, they don’t let go easily.

Narcissists may force themselves into your life by stalking and harassing. Because this still gives them attention and supply. So it leaves people with little choice but to either tolerate them, or go no contact.

Ghosting, on the other hand, is not about preserving peace. It’s about hurting the other person, by removing your presence. And it’s one of the tactics narcissists use to punish people.

Narcissists aren’t pushed into ghosting. They WANT to ghost. Because it serves a selfish need. It’s nothing to do with self preservation. They either want to hurt someone, or they’re reckless with the pain it inflicts.

How Narcissists Blur The Lines

Narcissists blur the lines between ghosting and no contact, for their own benefit. And here’s how they do it…

If you no contact a narcissist, they may accuse you of ghosting them. As if you’re deliberately trying to hurt them. Neglecting to consider that their behaviour pushed you to no contact them.

This may cause empathetic people to question themselves. And cease the no contact. Because they’re tricked into thinking they’re being toxic and hurtful. And sadly this lets the narcissist back into their life.

Flipping things round, if the narcissist is ghosting someone, they may claim they’re no contacting, to preserve their peace. Giving them justification for their hurtful action. Even though that person hasn’t harmed them.

If they manage to convince someone their ghosting is no contact, it allows them to repeatedly use this form of punishment. Because they don’t realise the narcissist is deliberately hurting them. And they may feel guilty for pushing the narcissist to “no contact”. Which convinces them to keep taking the narcissist back, after each episode of ghosting.

In a nutshell, the narcissist may claim your no contact is ghosting, to regain access to you. Or they may claim their ghosting is no contact, to allow themselves to keep punishing you. But now you know the differences you know what they’re up to!

Final Thoughts

If someone brings toxicity into your life, you’re entitled to remove them and go no contact. Because it’s your life, and no one has a right to it. Even family, if they’re causing you harm.

On the other hand, you’re not obliged to let someone keep ghosting you either. Particularly if you find it distressing.

If someone repeatedly ghosts you, claiming it’s no contact, you don’t have to let them back into your life. And you can rationalise it this way…

If your behaviours are so harmful that someone is “forced” to keep ghosting you, then you’re doing them a favour by no contacting them. Because they’re free from your supposed toxic behaviours. So there shouldn’t be a problem, right?

You’re likely to find that narcissists get triggered if you don’t let them back in after their “no contact”. Because that wasn’t their plan. You were supposed to pine for their return. Then welcome them back with open arms, when they decide to show up.

This confirms that the narcissist didn’t want to remove you from their life. They were ghosting you, not going no contact.

If they were no contacting you, then they should see your withdrawal as a positive. But they don’t. Because deep down they know their plan has back fired. And you’ve switched their ghosting into no contact. And took back control.

How To Stop Feeling Guilty For No Contacting Narcissists

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