Soon after my 12 year relationship with a narcissist, I was diagnosed with anxiety. I struggled leaving the house. Going to work was a nightmare. And I was visibly shaky on a bad day.
Please CLICK HERE For How I Got Out Of Flight Or Fight Mode After My Narcissist Relationship
MANY people I have talked to have suffered with anxiety during or after a relationship with a narcissist.
I’ve had a good think about how narcissists cause anxiety. Here’s some reasons why I think narcissists cause you anxiety…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Narcissists WANT You To Be Anxious
Narcissists love being around anxious people. Anxious people are more avoidant of conflict. If you’re already feeling anxious, you don’t need a fight to exacerbate it. And narcissists can exploit this.
Narcissists know they can boss anxious people about, and they’re less likely to fight back. Anxious people tend to be more compliant for a quiet life. And go with the flow. And that suits narcissists fine.
If a narcissist sees you doing something that lifts your anxiety, they don’t like it. And often put a stop to it.
For instance you might go to the gym and begin feeling better about yourself. Sensing this, the narcissist moves in. They might play the guilt card. And tell you how selfish you’re being, spending time and money away from the family.
Or they might accuse you of having an affair to stop you in your tracks. They don’t really think you’re having an affair. They know if they complain hard enough, you’ll stop going to prove you’re faithful.
Narcissists Unpredictable Behaviour
Some narcissists display unpredictable behaviour. They’re super nice one minute, and in a rage the next.
This is HIGHLY unsettling. You have no idea what to expect from one minute to the next. So you automatically anticipate drama. Which puts you on edge. Even when they’re being nice.
Narcissists sense this. They like you walking on egg shells around them. It makes you more controllable. So if you start looking too relaxed and at peace, expect fireworks.
Narcissists Nit Picking
Narcissists like to nit pick, and hold their significant others to unrealistically high standards. Then criticise them for being “useless”, or whatever’s their choice of insult.
This makes people anxious doing ANYTHING. As they anticipate put downs or ridicule for the slightest of “mistakes”.
I’ve seen narcissists deliberately stand with their arms folded blatantly closely watching someone do something. With the intention of putting them off, and forcing a mistake. Which they can then ridicule.
Put Downs
Narcissists spend years dishing out subtle put downs to their significant others. And gradually ramp them up over time. If you say anything, they accuse you of being too sensitive. Or backtrack and say they were joking.
This leaves you doubting yourself, and learning to accept these insults as a normal part of life.
Years of these put downs erode your confidence. And induces anxiety. And most narcissists know this.
Flirtatious Behaviour
Many narcissists flirt in front of their partners. They also tell them how so-and-so at the office fancies them.
This is to put you on edge. And make you worried they might stray.
This leaves you anxious when they’re not around. Asking yourself, what are they up to? And if you display jealous behaviour, the narcissist relishes it.
They accuse you of being “crazy” and “jealous”. But won’t stop their flirtatious behaviour.
If anything, it gets worse. They now know how to push your buttons. They WANT you to be jealous, insecure, and anxious. Then you’re left pining for them to make their grand return to you.
Leave Responsibilities To You
Many narcissists consider things like housework, looking after children, paying bills etc. beneath them. So you’re left with ALL the responsibility.
Years of responsibility for everything, whilst the narcissist causes you more problems, take their toll.
The narcissists may fritter money in a carefree manor, whilst you lay awake at night worrying how to pay the bills. And if you say anything, they respond, “You need to relax more.”
This is easy for someone with no responsibilities to say!
You end up taking responsibility for EVERYTHING, whilst they make your life even harder. Years of this leaves you a nervous wreck.
Thrive On Drama And Conflict
Narcissists usually thrive on drama and conflict. Whilst most people seek peace and harmony, narcissists look for the opposite.
Their significant others are often dragged into their toxic world. And this can understandably create anxiety.
Narcissists often expect you to be on their side, and join their battles. Even when they’re in the wrong. This leaves you in a double bind. Do I side with my significant other, even though they’re wrong? Or go against them?
This creates massive levels of anxiety. As you’re left in a “damned if you do, and damned if you don’t” situation. Expected to back their bad behaviours.
Please CLICK HERE For Why Narcissists Are Unsettling
Final Thoughts
These are some ways narcissists cause anxiety in others. They usually WANT you to feel nervous and anxious. Then you’re more controllable, and less likely to fight back.
Narcissists thrive on drama. Often creating situations to fuel this. Feuds with neighbours, family, and friends are desirable for narcissists. But they create anxiety for those around them.
Once you walk away from a narcissist, your anxiety levels drop significantly. And over time you feel more settled. At least that’s what happened to me.
Anxiety is an intentional and non-intentional result of narcissist behaviours. It’s inevitable. So if you don’t want to feel anxious, you must question whether you should be around them.
Please CLICK HERE For How To Reduce Anxiety After A Narcissist Relationship
Excellent post, in the 2 1/2 years i lived with the man i never felt totally comfortable by being myself, never /Here is a laugh the reason therelationship did not work out, according to his words,” I did not clean enough” would be funny if not so sad, what a sick creature
Thanks Libby. Yeh, not feeling comfortable being yourself is definitely a red flag. They like you to feel that way. Then you’re more open to being moulded into exactly how they want you to be.
You hit the nail right on the head!
I believe, that although narcissists are capable of these behaviours, they DO NOT KNOW that they are doing it. The typical narcissist will never know they are narcissistic; they are unaware of the atrocities they commit, this the unfortunate part. That is why, there are so few who actually can change. The term narcissist is, for all practical purposes, the projection of their pain, on to a person who can feel it. Their emotions are their logic. These guys were never validated as children or seen as a person worthy of love, that is why they treat people like they do. It’s sad, but it’s how the cycle continues.
I disagree Nicole. They are quiet calculating in what they do. They know exactly what they are doing. Let’s not make any excuses for the ugliest form of a human being. And calling them that is a stretch.