Narcissists often gather information about you at the beginning of relationships. It can feel flattering, like they’re showing a great interest in you. But unfortunately, that’s not the case.
Narcissists use what they learn to gain control, assert superiority, and to manipulate situations in their favour. That’s why you need to be mindful of what you tell people. Particularly if you suspect they’re narcissists!
Here’s 9 things you should never tell a narcissist about yourself…
Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Embarrassing Secrets From Your Past
When you’re getting close to someone, it’s natural to tell them everything. Even embarrassing secrets from your past.
This strengthens bonds, because it shows you trust them with sensitive information. Plus it gives them the chance to repay that trust by keeping the secret to themselves.
But narcissists are likely betray this trust at some point. They may use it to belittle you, by bringing it up. Especially if you’re complaining about something they did wrong. They may even hint at your secret when in company, as a veiled threat to reveal it.
Your Phone Password
If you reveal your phone password even once, then the narcissist will remember it for life. Because your password is their Holy Grail!
Obviously they can use this to spy on your conversations. To look at who you’ve spoken to. And to gain access to your social media.
You could argue that this doesn’t matter, since you’ve nothing to hide. But things can take a more sinister twist.
Narcissists may use your accounts to stir trouble, by pretending to be you and causing arguments. Because they want to isolate you. Or they may delete messages before you’ve had chance to read them. Creating problems with your friends and family.
Your Savings And Investments
You might be proud of your savings and investments. So you naturally want to share your success with the narcissist. But this is a big mistake!
Most narcissists like money. And most narcissists lack boundaries. So to them, what’s yours is theirs. They have no qualms parting you from your cash!
So they may manufacture disasters where they need your money. Then dish out an insane amount of pressure to help them. They know it’s difficult to say no when you both know you have the means.
Also, and I shouldn’t need to say this, never let them have the passwords to your bank accounts! And if you’ve EVER given them one, change it right away! Because even if they don’t abuse it now, they probably will in future. Especially if you ever part ways.
Your Deepest Insecurities
It’s natural to open up about your fears and doubts in close relationships. But with narcissists, it’s not recommended.
Narcissists store this information for later. But they don’t store it to be more understanding. They store it to use against you.
So if you confront them over their behaviour, they might try to trigger your insecurities by bringing them up. Which distracts you from what they did. Or they might threaten to leave you, if they know this is a big fear of yours.
Your Past Mistakes
Everyone has regrets. But sharing them with narcissists gives them ammunition.
Instead of empathy, you get judged. Or worse still, those mistakes are repeatedly brought up to undermine you.
When you question their behaviours, they may throw these past mistakes at you. As if this gives you no right to complain. Or they might decide to humiliate you in front of others by ridiculing you about it.
Your Boundaries (In Detail)
Boundaries are essential. But explaining them too thoroughly can backfire with narcissists.
That’s because narcissists look for loopholes, test limits, and deliberately push against boundaries. It’s what they do. So if they know the exact line, then they have a map of where to push.
So if you tell them that you must be home by 11PM no matter what, then they may make it their mission to get you to stay longer. Which makes them more determined to break your boundary.
How Much You Care About Them
Expressing care isn’t wrong. But with narcissists it can shift the power dynamic.
If they know you’re deeply invested, then they’re likely to use this as permission to put in less effort, and to treat you worse. Because they know they’re more likely to get away with it, if you care so deeply for them.
Narcissists are all about power dynamics. And if they sense they have power, they take it.
If they know you care a lot, then they can threaten to end the relationship whenever they want to get their own way. And you’re likely to back down.
Most narcissists know that the person who cares least about the relationship holds the most power. Because they blink last when there’s a dispute. So if you show that you care A LOT, then it could be to your detriment.
Your Future Plans
Some narcissists feel threatened by others’ growth. Particularly those closest to them. So they may try to steer you off course.
Your ambitions, goals, and dreams may be minimised, criticised, and even sabotaged. They may make it incredibly difficult to achieve your goals.
As sad as it sounds, narcissists get jealous of their loved ones success. Even their partners and children. So they may sabotage their efforts, just so they don’t get out shined.
Your Emotional Triggers
In healthy relationships, sharing what upsets you strengthens your bond. Because it helps your partner understand you better, and know what to avoid. But this doesn’t work with narcissists.
Sharing what upsets you makes you more vulnerable to manipulation. Because narcissists are likely to push the same buttons during arguments, or whenever they want to provoke a reaction. Just to gain control over you.
If you’re winning the argument, then the narcissist always has this card up their sleeve. They can trigger you, then all your logic flies out the window. Which usually gives them the “win”.
What To Do Instead
Whilst some narcissists are easy to detect, others take longer. So you can never be sure someone’s a narcissist until you’ve spent a fair amount of time with them.
So be careful what you tell people in the early stages of friendships and relationships. Don’t reveal too much too soon. Take your time.
This isn’t about being cold and shutting down. It’s about being selective and protective of YOUR information…
- Share gradually, not all at once.
- Look how your information is used. If it’s abused, then they don’t deserve any more.
- Keep certain topics private.
- Let trust be earned, not assumed. Some narcissists are good at appearing trustworthy. That’s how they gain information!
Please CLICK HERE For How Narcissists Pretend To Be Nice
