You’re excited to tell the narcissist the good news. It might be a promotion at work. Top marks in an exam. Or a sporting achievement.
You’re bursting at the seams to share your success. Just like you share theirs. And when you finally tell them the good news… nothing.
The narcissist barely raises a murmur. And worse still, they might put you down. And tell you it’s nothing special.
Most narcissists think nothing of belittling your happiness and achievements. I remember as a child buying a “lucky bag”. This was a mystery bag that contained sweets, toys, stickers etc. All for the princely sum of 10p.
As young children, we’d rush back from the corner shop, excited about what we’d find. And then my Dad would put a downer on things.
He’d tell us how we’d been ripped off. Then add up the cost of the individual items, rounding them down. Until concluding that we’d gotten a bad deal – at 6 years old.
For years I assumed he was trying to teach me a valuable lesson in finance. But now I know he was putting a downer on things. Because he didn’t like to see us happy.
If it was educational, then it could have been done in a more positive way. Like saying, “Why don’t you buy these things individually, then you’ll get more for your money?”
When older, I remember telling my Dad about the time I completed 9 mile run in. Instead of praise, he told me how fast he used to run 3 miles. And how it was a better time than mine.
Most people give narcissists a free pass. Assuming they put a downer on things due to “tough love”. But putting people down, ruining their fun, and not celebrating their wins isn’t helpful.
The truth is, narcissists aren’t happy for you. They don’t want to share in your success, unless there’s something in it for them. And they don’t want to see you happy and doing well in life. Even if they’re your spouse or parent. Why is this?
Here’s why narcissists don’t like to see you happy and successful, and why they put a downer on things…
Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Jealousy
Narcissists are jealous and competitive. Even with their own family. And rather than be happy for you, they’d rather you got nothing. Then their green-eyed monster wouldn’t make them feel so bad.
Narcissists expect the world to revolve around them. And in their mind, ALL the plaudits should come their way. Regardless of merit.
Narcissists can’t feel happy for someone else. Their lack of emotional empathy prevents it. And because they’re so jealous, they actually feel bad when others have success, or experience happy times.
Unless there’s a benefit to faking happiness for you, then they usually don’t bother. And worse still, they often tear you down. Because if they can diminish your positive experience, then they don’t feel quite so bad.
And even if they muster the strength to fake happiness for you, you can usually sense their insincerity. And the 5 seconds of “happiness” they display is quickly replaced by their favourite topic – them.
Narcissists Don’t Want You To Be Successful
Most narcissists are deeply insecure. And if you’re close to the narcissist, then they might actively sabotage your success.
Some narcissists fear abandonment. Particularly if they have borderline traits. And may fear you leaving them if you become successful. Because deep down they know that they can’t survive alone. And they also know they’re not giving you a fair deal in life.
So these narcissists deliberately hold their loved ones back. So they don’t taste success. Don’t feel empowered. And don’t have thoughts of a better life without them.
Control
Success makes you feel empowered. But narcissists don’t want you to feel this way. Because an empowered person is less controllable. And narcissists want to control the people in their life.
If you feel good about yourself, and have good things happen to you, then you’re less likely to put up with their nonsense. Because you have options. And you have positive feelings that contrast with the negative ones that they bring to the table.
So the narcissist may belittle your achievements to keep you down. Then you don’t feel like you deserve better than them. And they maintain control.
They Don’t See The Big Deal
Narcissists have a blinkered view of the world. And only see it from their own perspective. They’re unwilling or unable to put themselves in your shoes, and understand how you’re feeling.
So the narcissist may not see the big deal in you landing your dream job. Unless there’s something in it for them. Because they can’t step into your shoes.
However, they find it compelling that they managed to drive home 3 minutes faster than usual. And they assume you’re equally as fascinated.
In the narcissists mind, your success and happiness is no big deal. Because they don’t involve them. So they may be dismissive, or badly fake interest. Which can feel like a kick in the teeth after all you do for them.
Narcissists Need To Prove Their Superiority
Narcissists are hierarchical by nature. And rather than see themselves as equal to others, they’re either above them or bellow them.
If you’re close to the narcissist, then they constantly fight for superiority. Because they MUST be above you.
So rather than feel happy for your success, they feel threatened by it. Because they don’t want to lose their “superior” status. So they tear down your achievements, to re-affirm themselves as top dog.
Narcissists perversely see the failure of others as their success. Because they’re so focussed on who’s better than who. So they put a downer on things, to prove to you and themselves that they’re the best.
They Relish The Challenge
Narcissists love affecting peoples moods. Because it makes them feel powerful. And they get a kick out of changing someone’s elation into despair. Because they’ve affected them in a profound way. Even if it is negative.
If you were in an average mood, then the narcissist might not see the challenge in bringing you down. But if you’re overjoyed, then it’s a greater challenge. And therefore more valuable to them if they devastate you.
So they may deliberately bring you down. Just to show themselves how powerful they are.
Narcissists Want To Cause An Argument
A narcissist might put a downer on you because they want to cause an argument. Narcissists thrive on drama and conflict, because it gets their cold blood pumping. So they sometimes deliberately provoke their loved ones, just to cause a fight.
Narcissists figure out the things that trigger you the most. And use them to cause trouble.
If you reacted to them dragging you down in the past, then they’ll remember this. And use it as ammo in the future. Because they know they’ll gain a reaction.
So you’re often put in a double bind. If you say nothing about their downers, then they’ll continue doing it. But if you complain, they’ll also continue. Because they know it triggers you.
Final Thoughts
Although narcissists put a downer on everything, they expect the opposite in return. And don’t see the hypocrisy in it.
Narcissists expect you to listen for hours on end, as they chirp on about their most minor successes. But dismissively wave you off if you share a major accomplishment.
Sadly there’s not much you can do about this. Because narcissists don’t care. And if you force the issue, the best you can hope for is a fake congratulations. But their heart will never be in it. So is it worth it?
A narcissist may also put a downer on things if they’re ready to discard you. Please click the following link for the signs a narcissist is about to discard you…
Please CLICK HERE For The Signs A Discard Is On Its Way
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