In romantic relationships and friendships, it’s common for narcissists to claim you’re soul mates. And if they don’t use the term “soul mate”, they might say “kindred spirits”, or “special connection”, or other similar terms.
Narcissists like to establish a “special connection” with people they’ve known a while. And it seems like a sweet gesture on the surface. But we’re talking about narcissists, so there must be more to it!
Why do narcissists claim to be soul mates, or have otherworldly connections? Here’s what narcissists gain from being “soul mates”…
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It Keeps You On A String
Narcissists can never have enough attention. They need people to give them external validation, do them favours, and keep them occupied when they’re bored.
Creating the illusion of being soul mates keeps people on a string. The narcissist may not have contacted you for months because they’ve had bigger fish to fry. But that’s no problem. They can contact you out the blue, and talk about missing that special connection. And voilà, they’re back in your life.
Most people are flattered when thought of so highly. It’s not every day someone tells you you’re their soul mate. And quickly you forget the narcissist hasn’t bothered with you for ages. And welcome them back with open arms… now it’s convenient for them.
Bolsters Their Delusions Of Superiority
Narcissists delude themselves into believing they’re superior. And constantly look to reaffirm their delusions. Special connections helps them maintain the belief they’re superior.
Although narcissists may talk of a “shared” divine connections, it’s fuelled by the belief it’s THEM that possesses an otherworldly quality. Not you.
You’re merely an accomplice in their fantasy world of divine omnipotence. They are the stars of the show. And you should be grateful for the divine connection they give you. And perhaps unbeknown to you, many other people are also their “soul mates”. It’s not you that’s special, it’s them.
Allows Them To Treat You Badly
Perhaps the biggest reason narcissists claim to be soul mates is because it allows them to treat people worse – and get away with it. Especially romantic partners.
The narcissist knows that if they convince you you’re soul mates, they can get away with treating you worse. Because who wants to throw away a divine connection over a silly argument?
Narcissists aim to treat people as badly as they can get away with. And learn how far they can push each individual. Then push them just bellow that mark to maximise their returns.
Narcissists know they can throw the “soul mates” line if you threaten to leave. And you’re likely to waiver. And even if you stick to your guns, they can hoover you back with this line in the future, once you’ve calmed down.
Establishing you as soul mates works as an insurance policy for the narcissist. Because it keeps alive the illusion of a strong bond, even when they’re treating you badly and devaluing you.
A Subtle Way Of Telling You You’re Owned
As you’re probably aware, narcissists consider people in their life more like property than people. Their lack of empathy stops them from truly connecting. And seeing you as a person in your own right.
Narcissists often TELL people they’re divinely connected to them. And go as far as to inform them that this means you’ll be together forever – whether you like it or not!
In the narcissists mind, you’re their property. And throwing out the soul mates line is like a squirt of glue that bind you to them.
Takes Advantage Of Religion And Spirituality
Narcissists know that the soul mates line is particularly effective with people who are religious or spiritual. So they’re more likely to use it with these people.
Narcissists hope to use these peoples’ beliefs against them. And convince them they’re “meant to be”. Which actually means they should stick with the narcissist regardless of how badly they’re treated.
Narcissists love people who are empathetic, religious, and spiritual. Not because they respect these things. But because they can take advantage of their goodness.
Narcissists know that people who believe in the divine are more likely to get sucked in. And are more likely to live up to the expectations being soul mates creates. To a narcissist, it’s just another tool in their toolbox to control and manipulate.
Takes Advantage Of Reciprocity
Narcissists know that lovely empathic people reciprocate when complimented. And you’ll feel awkward saying nothing when they tell you they consider you a soul mate.
The narcissist hopes you return the compliment. Then the fictitious bond is set. There’s no turning back!
The narcissist regularly talks about your special connection, and expects you to agree. And may challenge you if you don’t. You said it before, so what’s different now? The more you agree, the deeper down the rabbit hole you go.
Over time the narcissist drums it into your head that you’re soul mates. And it’s easy to be taken in through time and repetition. And even if you don’t fully buy it, you probably politely play the part.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists like to convince people they’re soul mates. Because it creates a bind that’s more difficult to break. And narcissists love to lock people in.
Narcissists don’t play by the rules. And the soul mate binding is only applicable to you. They don’t truly believe it. And won’t adhere to it themselves.
The big clue is to look at how they treat you, rather than listen to what they say. If they genuinely believed you were soul mates, they would treat you well. Because they wouldn’t want to lose something so special and divine.
Instead they put the onus on you, and treat you how they want. Then expect you to respect the special connection and forgive them.
To them it’s a one way obligation THEY created. And one YOU must obey.
You’re probably not the first person they’ve claimed as their soul mate. And you won’t be the last.
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