If you’ve been in a long term relationship with a narcissist, you’ll probably recognise most of these behaviours. The sad thing is that many people who experience these behaviours don’t understand why the narcissist behaves like this. And sadly believe it must be in response to their own deficiencies.

Narcissists have a knack for making significant others feel at fault for their own shortcomings. And their poor conscientious partners are sent on a wild goose chase. Trying to improve their own behaviours, when no improvement is needed. I often liken this to chasing rainbows.

By familiarising yourself with typical narcissist behaviours, you can better see the wood for the trees. And understand what’s actually going on. Why you’re having so many difficulties. And realise it isn’t all down to you.

So without further ado, here’s what to expect in a long term relationship with a narcissist…

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Nicer To Strangers Than You

When you’re in a long term relationship with a narcissist, they can relax and be their narcissistic selves. The narcissist has already drawn you in, and got you attached. So they don’t feel the need to impress you any more.

Narcissists save their best behaviour for those they want to impress. These might be co-workers, friends, or even strangers.

Narcissists want to be liked and admired so much, that they bend over backwards to help these people. Whilst doing little to help their “nearest and dearest”.

This leaves you in an upsetting and confusing situation. For all you’ve done for them, they treat strangers MUCH better than you. And naturally you’re confused as to why this is happening. It’s only when you understand narcissistic behaviour that it makes any sense.

Narcissists aren’t interested in impressing you any more. But they still want to impress everyone else. And this is no reflection on you. It’s what narcissists do.

Expect You To Anticipate Their Needs

The narcissist is obviously the focal point of their own lives. But they also expect to be the focal point of yours.

The narcissist thinks you should consider them at all times. And even know what they want, without them ever discussing it with you.

The narcissist considers it insulting that you haven’t read their mind, and anticipated what they want. And they don’t see the hypocrisy that they never consider your needs.

This can leave you anxious and walking on egg shells. Trying to anticipate their needs. But this is an impossible task. And the narcissist will make sure you “fail” every now and then, and set you impossible tasks. Just so they can put you in your place – beneath them.

You Feel Like You’re Walking On Egg Shells

Narcissists often like their significant others to be walking on egg shells around them. Fearing the narcissist’s wrath.

Narcissists know that if people are walking on egg shells around them, they’re more willing to please the narcissist. Which gives them all the power.

Whilst you’re worrying, trying to keep the narcissist happy, they can click their fingers and you’ll come running. That’s their plan anyway.

A golden rule is that if you often feel like you’re walking on egg shells around somebody, then something is wrong. If you’re always trying to please someone, then it’s a huge red flag you’re in a toxic relationship. If you’re so useless as they often suggest, then why bother being around you at all?

Flirting

Most narcissists LOVE to flirt. They need almost constant validation of how brilliant, intelligent, and sexy they are. And flirting provides this.

Many narcissists flirt right in front of their partners. In fact some deliberately do this to make you feel jealous. The narcissist likes to show that they have an army of admirers waiting to take your place. So you must try harder to please them if you want to remain in the privileged position of being their partner.

Many narcissists develop ways of flirting right in front of you, but make it appear they’re not. Your gut tells you something isn’t right. But it can be difficult to pin point exactly what they’re up to, because they can be so subtle. I’ve written more about how and why narcissists flirt in front of you here.

Push Their Responsibilities Onto You

Over time, narcissists push their responsibilities onto their significant others. Narcissists don’t usually care for the boring routines of life. Such as house work, paying bills, looking after children etc. And over time, ALL these things seem to become you’re sole responsibility.

In my experience, it wasn’t that I was asked to do these things. I just knew they wouldn’t get done unless I did them. So unless I wanted to live in squalor, I had to do almost everything.

You Age Faster

Spending a lot of time around narcissists takes it’s toll. Narcissists can be very draining to be around. And many people age quicker during a relationship with a narcissist.

Over time, most people learn to focus their energy on the narcissist and their needs. And neglect their own. Combine this with all the extra stress and worry they bring, and it’s no wonder many people look significantly older.

One silver lining in the cloud though. You can reverse much of this deterioration once the narcissist is out your life. And literally regress in visible age once their drama is taken elsewhere. This is what happened to me.

Financial Difficulties

Most narcissists are casual with their finances. And don’t think about how they’re going to pay for things tomorrow. Narcissists are typically “live in the moment” people. This often leaves their partners not daring to spend much. And always picking up the pieces of the narcissist’s reckless spending.

The narcissist swans about, without a care in the world, spending what they want. Whilst you stay awake at night worrying about the bills. Then they tell you that you need to relax more!

Some narcissists go as far as to take out loans in their partners name. And many don’t discover this until the relationship is over. And they’re hit with huge unexpected bills.

Narcissists Are Often In Conflicts

After a while you may notice that the narcissist gets themselves into a lot of conflicts. And sometimes you too. It might be with friends, family, people from work etc. And if it’s not direct conflict, then they’re probably complaining about someone behind their back.

Of course the conflicts are NEVER the fault of the narcissist. They never hold their hand up and admit fault. Even when you can clearly see they’re in the wrong.

But annoyingly, the narcissist expects you to back them to the hilt. No matter what. And if you try to point out their contribution to the problem, you’re accused of not being loyal. The narcissist is FAR more concerned with winning, than who’s right. And you’re fully expected to back them in ALL their disagreements, no matter what.

They Talk More, And Listen Less

Over time, the narcissist talks more, and listens less. And they may even flatly ignore you when you ask them a question.

The narcissist feels you’re insignificant, and not worth listening to. And ignoring you is the ultimate show of their “dominance”.

The narcissist feels you should listen to them. But they don’t care to listen to you. They know more than you, so why should they? So you can be left feeling lonely and uncared for, even when you spend a lot of time with them.

Narcissists Become Controlling

Most narcissists become controlling, once they’re settled in a long term relationship. They see their significant others more like their property than a person. And don’t really consider they have their own wants and needs. In their mind, their significant others are there to serve them.

The narcissists may become angry if you’re 10 minutes late coming home from work. Or descend into bad moods if you visit a friend. They also hate it when you’re ill, because you’re supposed to be well and looking after them.

Narcissists sometimes attempt to isolate their significant others. And persuade them to give up their jobs. Or move to another area where they don’t know anyone.

They may also cause trouble between you and your family or friends. And cause you to fall out with them. The narcissist knows that the more you’re isolated, the more you depend on them. And the more they can control you.

Strange Behaviours

Over time you’ll increasingly notice the narcissist’s strange behaviours. They might walk ahead of you in the street, rather than by your side. Or follow you around the home when you just want a minute of peace.

The narcissist usually hides these odd behaviours from the rest of the public. It’s only to those closest to them that see this side of them.

And it can become a strange unspoken thing between you. Where the narcissist acts differently when you’re alone, as they do when you’re in company. And after a while this strangely becomes normal.

Final Thoughts

Narcissists can be very demanding and self entitled. And they can leave you feeling like you’re not enough.

The narcissist likes to paint a picture of you being useless and not worthy of them. That way they have you walking on egg shells, trying your best to please them.

A healthy relationship is about compromise, give and take, and respecting the others persons feelings. But you don’t get this in a relationship with a narcissist. At least not as an automatic right.

The narcissist may spend months, even years, manoeuvring themselves into a position of almost total power. Leaving you existing merely to please them. And anything you want, you have to fight hard to get it. And if you don’t fight hard, you’re left with crumbs.

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How Narcissist Relationships Typically Play Out