When you leave a narcissist, it’s rarely the end of the story. There are usually more challenges that lay ahead. Because as I’m sure you know, nothing’s simple when you’re dealing with a narcissist!

If you’ve just left a narcissist, or are thinking of leaving, it’s useful to know what they’re likely to do. Then you’re better prepared to respond in a way that’s best for you. Rather than play into their hands.

Here’s what narcissists do when you leave them…

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Arrogance

Their initial response is usually arrogance. Narcissists firmly believe that they’re the most amazing thing the world has ever seen. And everyone admires their brilliance. So in their mind, you won’t follow through with it. Because who can afford to give up such magnificence?

And even if you leave, they believe you’ll soon come running back with your tail between your legs. Because you’ll eventually realise the magnitude of your loss.

So the narcissist figures they can sit back and wait for your return. Then bask in the glory of their “victory”.

Contact Secondary Partners Or Old Flames

Many narcissists realise that your departure gives them a golden opportunity. And their thinking soon shifts to “whilst the cat’s away, the mice will play”.

So whilst you’re gone, they may contact affairs, people they’ve been flirting with, or old flames. And try to get some action.

The narcissist sees this as the perfect chance for some extra curricular fun. And beside which, they struggle going more than 24 hours without attention. So they need an emergency replacement.

The narcissist considers this a win-win situation. They can have some fun, and if you find out, they can blame you for ending the relationship. Even though in their mind, the relationship is far from over.

On top of this, the narcissist may use their fling to punish you for leaving. And some may even want you to find out. So that you think twice about leaving next time.

Gentle Poke

If you haven’t come crawling back after a few days, then the narcissist may grow concerned. Especially if they haven’t found a suitable replacement.

Obviously they’re amazing. And you’ll never find anyone as great as them. So why aren’t you crawling back?

In the narcissists mind, you leaving is nothing to do with them. Even though they’re aware of how badly they treat you. So it must be a fault with you.

Are you having an affair? Have your pesky friends been bad mouthing them? What’s going on? Needing answers, the narcissist gives you a little poke.

But most narcissists don’t want to hurt their pride and look too needy. So they usually start gently. They may ask for a shirt back that they left at your house. Or message asking if you’re OK. Anything to establish communication. Because in their mind, once they touch base, you’ll finally realise what you’re missing.

Anger And Depression

If you stay silent, or don’t take them back, they may soon anger. Because now you’re challenging their delusions of superiority. And their whole false persona rests on the shaky foundation that they’re better than they really are.

From a young age narcissists create a false self. Who’s superior in almost every way. But if you refuse to be with them, then it shakes their false superior self to its core. Because how can they be as amazing as they think they are if you’ve left them?

This can cause a huge shock to their system. And may lead to bouts of depression as well as angry outbursts. And they may look dishevelled, as there’s no one to look after them.

Hoover

Even angry narcissists calm down eventually. And if they’ve directed their anger at you and you’re still unmoved, then they know they must change tack.

Since the gentle poke didn’t work, they may start hoovering. The type of hoovering varies, depending on yours and their personality. Because the narcissist is likely to know your psychological weaknesses. And some narcissists are more protective of their pride than others.

The narcissist might phone you. Contact you on social media. Turn up at your door. Or even contact your friends and family.

They may try the nice approach. And talk about the “good old days” and how they miss you. Tell you they’ve changed. Or play the victim, and hope you worry for them.

Narcissists try different approaches in the hope of finding one that works. They aim to gain an emotional reaction. Because then your logic is messed up. And you’re more likely to make an illogical bad decision, and take them back.

Withhold Closure

Narcissists are notorious for not giving closure. Even after a long marriage. This is for two main reasons.

The first is that they’re manipulators and dishonest. And they won’t admit the real reasons why the relationship turned sour. Because deep down they know they’re at fault. But they don’t like to admit it. So if you ask for answers, they’re likely to blame you.

The second is power. More sophisticated narcissists know that you want closure. So they deliberately don’t give it. Because then they have something you want. And they may be able to use it as a carrot to entice you in the future.

Whilst I know it’s not easy, it’s best to forget about closure with a narcissist. Because seeking it hands them power. And they’re likely to use it to try to win you back, or play mind games. And you won’t get an honest answer anyway.

It’s best to learn as much as you can about narcissism. And once you learn their patterns and behaviours, you’ll probably be able to work out most of what went on. Which is far more illuminating than anything they will tell you.

Stalking

Narcissists hate “losing”. And if you still don’t budge, then they might resort to stalking. Especially if they still haven’t found a good enough replacement. Because in their mind, you’re still their possession.

The narcissist might pass by your house, looking at what you get up to. Wait outside your place of work. Or hang out at places they know you go.

They may also try to make you jealous. And parade a new flame around places they know they’ll be seen.

If things get worrying, then it’s best to contact the Police. They might have a word with the narcissist. And help you get some sort of restraining order. Plus they’ll log your concerns, which could provide useful evidence down the line.

If You Do Give In

If at any stage you give in and take them back, then it probably won’t end well. They may initially love bomb to draw you back in. And for a while it may be all roses. But eventually they’re likely to treat you even worse than before.

In the narcissists mind, they won you back. Despite how badly they treated you before. And this makes them cocky and arrogant. Because they now believe they’re untouchable, and can get away with anything.

And even if they don’t want you back, they may still pursue you. Just for revenge.

It’s common for narcissists to pester for one last chance. And if they get it, they abruptly end the relationship in a few weeks. Often in a cruel and hurtful way. Just to take the “win”. Because they want to be the one who ends the relationship. Not you.

Final Thoughts

If you leave a narcissist then it’s wise not to take them back. Because not only will they never improve, they’re likely to be worse next time.

The narcissist usually promises the Earth. But to a narcissist, promises are just tools for getting what they want. They have no intention of honouring them. Not in the long term.

So if you leave a narcissist, then it’s best not to look back. And if you can, go completely no contact. Because any communication only furthers their agenda. Which is likely to be their gain, and your loss.

Please CLICK HERE For The Correct Way To Go No Contact With A Narcissist

Or Scroll Down For My Most Popular Posts (Mobile)…

How To Go No Contact With A Narcissist