Many things make narcissists angry. Things that well adjusted adults take in their stride may cause a narcissist meltdown.
Narcissists are out of touch with their emotions, so they don’t learn to control them well. Over the years I’ve noticed certain things set most narcissists off.
Here’s the things I’ve noticed that trigger narcissists anger…
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Someone Not Fulfilling Their “Role”
Narcissists often assign roles to people, based on their own needs. One friend might be assigned to listen to their problems. Whereas another might be for fun nights out.
Their friends haven’t agreed to these roles. But they’re expected to comply. When they’re unwilling or unable to fulfil them, the narcissist gets angry.
Narcissists don’t see others as independent people with their own wants and needs. They see them as commodities to fulfil THEIR needs.
Like when your fridge breaks down, or your remote control stops working, narcissists get frustrated when people don’t do what they’re “supposed” to.
When Criticised
Narcissists harbour delusions of being perfect. When criticised they take it bad. They MUST protect their delusions at all times. And a criticism is often taken as an attack on their delusions of perfection.
Criticisms may be delivered politely and constructively. That doesn’t matter. Narcissists still feel anger. Sometimes they fly into a rage. Other times they quietly seethe.
Sometimes a narcissist is not even criticised, but they think they are. For example in the workplace, a manager may say there’s problems in the department. Since EVERYTHING is about the narcissist, they take this as a direct “attack” on them. And fly into a rage.
When Challenged
Narcissists often blow up when challenged. This is again a perceived threat to their delusions of perfection, and their need for control.
The challenge might be calling them out on a lie. Calling them out on their behaviour. Disagreeing with them. Or displaying greater knowledge or skills than them.
Any challenge to their “superiority” is usually met with anger. Again to protect their delusions.
Being “Beaten”
Narcissists reduce most things to winning and losing. And they’re usually bad losers.
Someone may do a better job than them at work. Outwit them in banter. Or beat them in a “friendly” game of tennis. It doesn’t matter. The narcissist feels anger.
Narcissists see most things as competition. And a challenge to their superiority. So they feel angry when out performed. I’ve even seen narcissists tip a board game over when losing to their children. True story!
Loss Of Control
Most narcissists are control freaks. If they lose control, they get angry.
For example a loved one may decide they want a night out without them. This typically angers a narcissist if they want control over where they are at all times. And many do.
Some narcissists get angry if they phone or message their significant others and don’t receive an immediate reply. They want full control even when they’re not around.
Someone Has What They Want
Narcissists feel superior to pretty much everyone around them. When someone has something they want, they feel anger.
Someone might have a fancy car. A big house. Or a gorgeous partner.
Narcissists don’t feel happy for others success. They feel jealousy, anger, and resentment. THEY should be the ones enjoying the trappings of success, not you.
Narcissists have delusions of grandeur. And believe THEY deserve the fine things in life. Regardless of merit. Seeing others with more than them rubs their noses in it. And threatens their delusions of superiority.
When Someone Is Ill
Narcissists often get angry when someone is ill, or in need . It’s the narcissists role to be ill and in need, not yours. It’s your job to rescue them. Not the other way round.
Narcissists are addicted to feeling special. They NEED to be treated special and differently to everybody else. And strangely they see being ill as being special. They’re afflicted and everyone should rally round to help.
Someone else being ill steals their thunder. And the narcissist reacts angrily. EVERYTHING should revolve around the narcissist. Someone else being ill threatens this. And they don’t like it one bit.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists have the emotional maturity of children. Which is why they feel anger at many things children do. Things that most adults have learned to handle, cause anger for many narcissists.
Some narcissists are better at hiding their anger than others. But if you watch them carefully, you see them seething in many situations.
Narcissists want ALL the special treatment. And EVERYTHING to revolve around them. They expect to be superior and “better” than everyone.
This is unrealistic for anyone to attain. Which is why narcissists spend most of their life feeling angry and resentful.
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Don’t get sick around them – that’s for sure
Yes, if you get sick, you are weak and pathetic and they look for a better version of you, they will always look to find an “upgrade”. If THEY are sick you best drop everything and anything because you only exist to make their life fulfilled and you best make them feel better or they will seethe with anger towards you.
I was so depressed and i reached out saying i needed help was suicidal and he got mad and said i had no right to do this now because it was all about him and he comes first and all attention belongs on him He called me selfish and walked away and didnt check on my welfare even once tho he was close by in the garage till the next afternoon.
I had similar experiences. He would provoke a senseless fight and I would tell him I felt suicidal and he would say Okay well I have to be on a call now. He worked in an office next to the house. It was almost like he was saying ‘ I’ll let you get on with it then’ 🙁 Thank God I left him.
Omgoodness Jean. I had a very similar experience. I became suicidal too he didn’t call or check on me for 14 hrs. He said he couldn’t get emotionally involved and he didn’t deserve this ! He was so angry. No one shred of concern for my well-being. And he’s a psychologist!!
May our hearts heal. Be well. You are not alone.
Yes absolutely correct. I had no idea when I was living with someone diagnosed with NPD why he would lash out at me for no apparent reason. Looking back i can see that most of our interaction’s would have caused him narcissistic injury. It is very confusing to live like this, expecting the person to act like a grown up when they cannot. This guy used to have tantrums just like 3 year old if he lost control of me. Everything was a competition even at the gym, I did not understand why a 6’3 guy wanted to out do a 5’3 woman? I experienced all of the things described in this article. He was good at saving his work rage for me too, so that no one at work experienced his rage and seemed to believe that he was a nice guy. Diabolical!
Yes they often act much nicer to relative strangers than they do with their “nearest and dearest”.
Sounds like Donald Trump to an absolute “tee”
Boo!
A normal response to a loved one being sick is to take care of them—soothe, feed, manage the house, get Rx, etc. My narc’s response was to blame me for making him feel bad. He just couldn’t take it–being around me while sick was just too upsetting–he had to get out of the house and away from me. My being ill made him so upset. It was always about him and how I was hurting him rather than having empathy for me and my situation and offering to help.
Unfortunately this is very typical for narcissists.
They would kick you in a ditch or give you poison to die.
I almost died of a ruptured appendix when I was 7 because I knew my dad would get mad if I were sick. Imagine a 7 year old girl, hiding appendicitis, for almost a week, until it ruptured.
I’ve texted with a narcissist for 3 years. I’m giving up on him! Pretty obvious I will have to block the person. What defense can I use to keep from hearing from him?
I suppose it depends on the circumstances Donna. But just remember it’s your life, and you have no obligation to spend time with people you don’t want to.
I think I’m a conscious narcissist. Like I have tendencies toward all the traits but I am aware of them. It doesn’t make it right, but I had a lot of trauma in my child hood or lack thereof where I started to feel like the world owed me something. Then it got to the point where I thought the world was mine in some way, like literally. I felt like I was a god, or the owner of this world. Even when things would not go my way I would justify it in someway or shut my self out and wait for my surroundings to fix themselves and mold the conversations around me to fit my narrative.
I’m not saying it’s okay, but it’s hard to shed those things especially when out of balance. Out of balance meaning not doing what I’m supposed to in life like. In other words, doing the right thing like focusing on productive and creative and contributing behaviors would be good examples. If I’m in balance those narcissistic behaviors subside, but they are always in the background like a fear monster trying to talk me out of being a good person. The devil on the shoulder is cunning and deceptive. The angel was destroyed but only comes out when I work very hard.
Maybe you should see a mental health professional? They can help you channel your energy into positive things.
Relating to all of that with my narc husband. Last December I was cleaning and flipped up in the air off a 3ft stool and landed sideways with my arm under me..my hip broke my wrist. Needless to say, surgery..a plate, and 5 screws.
The night before surgery, huge blow out due to “his stress” naturally . Along with so many other lovely things he has said…Im laying in bed, mind you…I never have broken any bone before and had to wait 10 days for my surgery, his words were just so laughable…”Must be nice not to have to go to work” I laughed…I could not help myself…said , Who the f***k says that? Oh yes Mr F’d in the head..well go break your wrist and you too can stay home from work.I think I’m desensitized and have educated myself about his NPD…that I know exactly what his reactions are going to be to what I present…it all depends on what I feel like playing at the moment. I am starting to feel like his abuse has turned me into something I need to STOP and get away from …I call him out on anything and everything…I know him better than he knows himself and it scares him, I am a total empath but a gifted one. I am not trying to fix him, but it’s bad..and I need to get out…
Yes it’s common for them to have a blow out and be jealous when someone close to them is unwell. If you need to get out Cynthia, get a plan together. In the meantime, this might help you – http://narcissisms.com/how-to-get-the-best-out-a-narcissist/
The use of capitalism in this article makes me believe that a narcissist who got hurt by another narcissist wrote this.
Yes she could well be. Hopefully the isolation will be over soon and you can return home.
Can u please delete my above comment. I am feeling bad about writing it. Thank you
Sure thing!
Is there a narcisism spectrum?
Yes Robert. narcissism is considered a spectrum that everybody is on.
Yes you can’t be sick
.I was very ill and only allowed rest 1 day ,still very weak n sick next day and he forced me out of bed with a fever.