With narcissists, nothing is straight forward. When you’re innocently going about your day, they’re plotting and planning.

Narcissists usually have hidden agendas they’re working towards. Whether they’re at home, work, or anywhere else.

Narcissists want attention, admiration, and unfair advantages. And they want them so bad, they’re willing to put the miles in to achieve them.

Here’s some common hidden agendas narcissists work towards…

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Narcissists Build A Harem

Many narcissists build a harem of admirers. Not all narcissists cheat. Some like to keep potential love interests on the back burner in case they’re single in the future. But yeah, many cheat!

Narcissists often have lots of “friends” who are either lovers or potential lovers. They’re a great back up plan, because narcissists hate being single. And an added bonus is they can triangulate and play them off against each other for their own benefit.

Of course, those harem members don’t know they’re part of a harem. It’s usually under the guise of “friendship”. And they usually know the narcissist is in a relationship.

The narcissist complains to them about their current partner And flirts subtly, giving hope they might one day get together. This keeps them warm and waiting in the wings. And willing to splash out on gifts and do other favours.

And of course the narcissists shows these gifts and favours off to their current partners, to keep them on their toes. And to make them work harder to please them. After all, they’re a highly prized asset!

Narcissists love nothing more than having two or more people “fighting” over them. It does wonders for their fragile self esteem. And they sit proudly in the middle, reaping the rewards.

Leach From Others Success

Narcissists know how to be nice when they want something. So they may play nice to befriend someone who’s rich or successful.

Narcissists yearn to be high status. And if they can’t do it by themselves, they leach off someone else.

They might flirt with someone older but more successful, even though they don’t find them attractive. Some are prepared to live a lie and marry someone, just be be associated with their success. And live the high life.

They might make friends with influential people. Or even their boss. They don’t actually care for these people. Only what they can give them. But they obviously sell them a different story.

Helping A Good Cause

Some narcissists channel their need for positive strokes by helping good causes. They might fund raise, or do voluntary work. And although they do it for accolades, it’s not such a bad thing.

Some narcissists champion good causes for more selfish reasons. For example they might fight an abusive boss at work. And whilst they may have a valid point, their real motivation is to take their job.

Some narcissists are masters of doing something for themselves but dressing it up as “doing the right thing”. This is a big part of many narcissists hidden agendas.

Have Children

Male narcissists in particular are often keen to have children. Of course they say it’s because they are madly in love, and yearn for the sound of the pitter-patter of tiny feet. But nothing could be further from the truth.

The narcissist is often neglectful to you once you’ve had the child. And even more neglectful to the child itself.

The narcissist wants a child to establish control. Once they have a child with you, they know they have license to walk in and out your life whenever they want. For at least 18 years.

The narcissist knows they can disappear for months, even years, and come crashing back into your life. All “for the sake of the children”. And it’s difficult to stop them.

They’ll tug at your heart strings. Tell you how they miss their dear children. Say how cruel you are denying them access. And shame you publicly if necessary.

They use shared children as an excuse to gain attention. They were happy to ignore them for several months, then all of a sudden they care?

It’s not unusual for narcissists to have children with multiple people. Then they have many options of who they can intrude on. Unfortunately they weren’t really interested in having children. Just claiming you as theirs.

Take Your Job

Narcissists want as much power as possible. They’re NEVER satisfied with what they’ve got. They’re constantly on the look out for more. And in the workplace this means moving up the ladder at any cost.

Often it’s not possible to move up the ladder until someone leaves or is demoted. Undeterred, the narcissist targets the person they want to usurp. And wages war.

They pick out their faults, and make them common knowledge. And demonise them to anyone who listens. They wait for them to make mistakes, and pounce all over them. Desperately hoping to discredit them.

They recruit as many people as they can to oppose and find dirt on this person. They may dress it up as wanting the best for the department. But it’s motivated by self interest.

This causes an avalanche of stress to the person targeted, and to many other staff. The narcissist puts people in difficult positions. All for their selfish agenda.

Dominate A Relationship

Whether it’s romantic or platonic, narcissists want to dominate relationships. They don’t want a fair 50/50 thing. They want total control.

At the beginning, things may be fairly equal. But over time narcissists gradually chip away at your boundaries, and learn how to manipulate you. They may try intimidation, putting you on the spot, or playing the victim. Once they find what works, they continue with this strategy.

Narcissists do this so gradually, you don’t notice. But before long, everything becomes about them and their needs. And this is exactly what they’ve been planning for ages.

Attention Seeking

Narcissists pretty much need constant attention. But they don’t want you to know this. Because it leaves them vulnerable. Narcissists like to pretend they don’t need anybody. But in reality, they’re more needy than most.

They devise strategies to gain your attention. Because they don’t want you know how much they need you. They may fake or exaggerate illness to make you worry and check up on them. Borrow things, knowing you”ll get in contact to get it back. Or entice you with invites to hang out, only to ignore you when you arrive.

Narcissists are very needy people. But they dress things up to gain your attention in less obvious ways. And you can waste lots of valuable time babysitting them.

Narcissists Make You Doubt Reality

Narcissists like to make those around them doubt their sense of reality. Especially those closest to them. Once they have someone doubting reality, they’re ripe for extreme manipulation.

This is often known as gaslighting. They might for example deny that certain things happened in the past. And repeatedly accuse you of having a bad memory. Once they convince you of having a poor memory, they can blame this for almost anything. And it’s a ready made excuse for getting them off the hook. “You know what your memory is like.”

Erode Your Self Confidence

Narcissists often employ sneaky tactics to erode others self confidence. Especially their “nearest and dearest”. They slip in snide comments. And claim they were only joking.

Over time these snide comments become nastier and more frequent. And they slowly erode your confidence. The narcissist knows that a put down dressed as a joke is still a put down. And it still affects you. Especially when they turn it up a notch or three.

Narcissists are fully aware that a person lacking in confidence is less able to stand up to them. Which gives them carte blanch to manipulate and control.

Final Thoughts

Here’s just some of the ways narcissists impose their hidden agendas on those around them. They’re constantly on the look out for attention, praise and adoration. But they never admit this.

They also want as much unfair advantage as they can get. And they come up with numerous ways to achieve this.

But all too often, narcissists push their hidden agendas too far, ruining things for themselves and others. They may do well for a while, but narcissists usually end up imploding. Pushing for too much, too often. They’re NEVER satisfied with what they’ve got. So they’re never truly happy. And neither are those around them.

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