This article was adapted from a question I answered on Quora…
The problem with narcissists is that many cause psychological damage to others. And as yet there’s no real cure for narcissistic personality disorder. So it could be argued that locking them up would save a lot of heartache and psychological damage. And probably reduce crimes.
But narcissists are the way they are because of either genetics, their environment, or a combination of both. Should we automatically punish them for poor upbringing? Or “bad” genes? And if we do, does this extend to other “disorders”? Should we punish their parents too?
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Although they share many behaviours, narcissists do differ from each other. Some are far more toxic and damaging than others. And some lead fairly regular lives, especially if they work on improving themselves.
Would it be right to lock them up BEFORE they commit a crime? Imagine living in a society where this happens.
A Doctor would have the power to lock people up for life, simply for having a diagnosis. That would be a very scary society to live in.
Would we all have to be tested? Because narcissists are already notorious for not seeking diagnosis. And this would obviously deter them even more.
Imagine if you somehow ticked enough boxes to qualify and had to be locked up for life. Despite having done nothing illegal. Your life is effectively over.
What if you were wrongly diagnosed? Saw an incompetent or rogue Doctor? Or were experiencing a traumatic period of life where your narcissism levels temporarily soared?
Also, who decides the level of disorder that’s required to lock someone up? We are ALL on the spectrum. This could be open to terrible abuse. Not only this, democracy would crumble as we’d have to lock away most of our politicians and members of Governments! (Don’t take this too seriously!)
All we can do for now is educate as many people as possible. So people learn how narcissists operate. And yes, lock them up if they commit a serious enough crime. Just like everybody else. This helps reduce the damage they cause. But obviously nowhere near eliminates it.
Hopefully one day we’ll find a cure. Or better still, we find ways to prevent them from having a personality disorder in the first place.
But until then, I think the best we can do is educate as many people as possible. (So SHARE my articles!) Let people become aware that narcissists exist. And learn how they operate. This helps de-power them. Especially if the Criminal Justice system also becomes better educated about narcissism.
If the narcissists tricks don’t work so well, they’re probably more likely to seek help. Many narcissists don’t want treatment because they consider their narcissism a useful tool to help them get what they want. If their bountiful fuel sources dry up, they may reconsider this position and become more motivated to change. I believe it all starts with education.
What do you think?
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You’re right Jon, you just can’t lock a narcissist up for just being an a**H***, and sucking the life out of your very soul! However, I found out after I blocked my narcissist out of my life, that he was using me as a sex slave for profit – he was able to do this because I have DID (what used to be called multiple personality disorder), and he was secretly drugging me causing the alter that was carrying the burden of my father’s sexual abuse, to come out, and forced her into prostitution. I had injuries on my body (even on my private parts), that I later figured out were caused by a stun gun. I can’t bring him to justice because I didn’t actually “see” what was happening, so I can’t “prove” it. DID is not officially recognized for the most part, so I just have to live with the anger and humiliation I feel for being so disgustingly abused and used. He is a malignant narcissist/psychopath that deserves to be locked up, but won’t be – but I hope this can serve as a warning for all women out there in a relationship with one of these monsters, as to how very evil they are capable of being, and escape as soon as you are able to do so safely!
Sounds awful Barbara. No, you can’t lock them up just for being a narcissists. But you can if they break the law. That all sounds pretty illegal to me. But like you say, proof is needed.
I don’t know where you’re from, but I’ve just learned in the UK a new Domestic Abuse Bill has come out. It looks promising, as it covers domestic abuse, coercive control, financial abuse etc. It seems to include many things that weren’t previously covered by the law. Hopefully it increases help for victims of narcissistic abuse. And if it works well, hopefully the same principals will be applied to other territories. But maybe you want to leave things. Whatever you choose, I wish you all the best in your healing journey.
Thanks Jon, for believing me, and not trying to convince me that what happened to me was all in my imagination. Even my family chooses to take the narcissists side, and thinks I am crazy. You’re validation means so much to me, and is healing. I have read stories of other women with DID that have been similarly abused, and learned that through writing in a journal the truth will come out. Even though I don’t consciously remember what happened, the memory is still there, and through the actual moving the pen on paper, the emotions of the terrible trauma are bypassed, and the narrative can be revealed, and accepted as just the reality of what actually happened. Eventually, this breaks down each compartment in the mind that contains the trauma (called alters), so that unity of the personality can be achieved. It takes time, but I am making progress. Alters, which are not really separate personalities, but one personality that have been split into parts, each holding a trauma too horrifying to consciously acknowledge, and still function, will still leak out their pain through nightmares, and flashbacks. Since I started journaling, I am getting more restful sleep – the pain is released through writing about what is too terrible to speak. I live in the United States, and understand that there are certain individuals that have escaped their sexual slavery, and are making efforts to bring to the public’s awareness how common sexual trafficking actually is, even in suburban neighborhoods. Also, there are organizations that victims can report sexual abuse, but of course, the law can do nothing without proof. I haven’t heard about a Domestic Abuse Bill here, but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be happening, and hopefully it is. Reading your articles on Narcissist Personality Disorder are very helpful to me to understand why I was attracted to this kind of person, and how to recognize the red flags to avoid another narcissist in the future. Despite all the abuse I suffered in the past, I am on a healing journey, and I am looking forward to the day when it all will be just a distant memory.
No probs Barbara. It sounds like you’re doing a lot of the right things. And I can see why it takes time.
It’s interesting how you’ve described your journaling. And it makes sense that with DID our mind is compartmentalised to avoid trauma. I’m guessing your mind will gradually release the memories and re-integrate once it feels safe to do so. Because withholding them is obviously its way of protecting you. Our minds are so clever at protecting us!
I’m glad you’re committed to your healing journey. It must be tough. But it sounds like you’re growing gradually stronger as each day passes. Keep going – I wish you all the success in the world.
Jon, thanks so much for your understanding and support. If there were more good people like you in the world, what a difference that would make in the lives of so many! You certainly touched mine – encouraging me on my long road to healing, and somehow making it easier at the same time. Your ability to empathize with and accept others is a gift that heals.
I’m thinking that most narcissists wouldn’t do anything that would put them behind bars, if only because their words and actions are subtle enough to leave room to doubt whether those words or actions were definitely abusive. And it doesn’t help that a trauma-bonded victim would probably cover for them, especially a spouse.
That’s why I believe that if any narcissist does cross the line, they should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
That’s a good point Trisha about trauma bonded victims covering for them. This is certainly common. Narcissists also get outside sources, or “flying monkeys” to unwittingly abuse for them. For example smearing them to others, so other people treat their victim badly for them.
And I wouldn’t be surprised if the flying monkey gets set up to be the “fall guy” if details of the truth ever came to light, allowing the narcissist to get away scot free. Serve them right for kowtowing to a narcissist!
Well put it this way, the narcissist won’t jump to rescue them!