Narcissists have a knack at turning those closest to them into over thinkers. Narcissists play a lot of mind games which lead to this. And gaslighting and blame shifting are two biggies.

Gaslighting is where someone makes you question your memory, perception, and judgement. They might for example move an object. And you know damn well where you left it. But they deny to the ends of the Earth that they moved it. And accuse you of having a poor memory. Leaving you doubting what you remembered.

Or they might be argumentative with you one day. Then act like it was YOU that was argumentative with them. And because they swear blind their version of reality is true, it leaves you doubting yours.

Blame shifting is where the narcissist blames you for things they’ve done wrong. They might blame you for “driving them to do it” when you catch them cheating. Or find a way of making things your fault, when they’ve done something wrong. Narcissists are experts at passing the blame onto others. And they can be so convincing, it gets many people doubting themselves.

These narcissist tactics stop people from relaxing and being themselves. It gets them over analysing themselves and situations, because they no longer trust their intuition and judgement when responding to events.

Blame shifting makes a person unsure whether they’re acting morally. And they stop trusting their instincts. Because they believe (falsely) that they’re doing things wrong. So they end up over analysing their behaviour, words, and even thoughts. And become self conscious and worried about almost everything they do.

Narcissists are notorious for causing anxiety and depression in their significant others. And turning them into worrying over thinkers. But, whilst you can learn to be an over thinker, you can also unlearn.

Here’s a few tips to help you stop over thinking…

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Trust

You must learn to trust your subconscious mind. Trust your gut reactions and your intuition. Your subconscious mind is far more powerful than your conscious mind.

Your subconscious mind works on problems in the background without your conscious control. It’s that part that thinks in feelings and emotions, not words. Your subconscious mind flows effortlessly. It’s the part responsible when you feel “in the zone”.

An example of subconscious thinking is where you have a problem you can’t resolve. So you go to bed and sleep. When you wake up you intuitively know what to do. Your subconscious mind has been working on the problem automatically during your sleep. And it communicates to you in emotions and gut feelings, rather than words.

The subconscious mind is also the reason Archimedes had his “Eureka” moment. He was relaxed in his bath with a clear mind. Not thinking about scientific problems. That allowed his subconscious mind to work on his theory. And the answer popped into his head when he least expected it.

A tactic I find helpful when I’m over thinking is to say to myself the word “trust”. This reminds me to relax my conscious mind and trust my subconscious mind to find a solution. Trust that whatever obstacle is in my way, I’ll find a way round it. Remember, every problem you’ve ever faced, you’ve managed to get through. That’s why you’re here right now to tell the tale.

You trust your heart to pump blood round your body. And you trust your lungs to process oxygen. All without your conscious interference. Trust your brain to do what it’s designed for… thinking.

Meditation

Meditation is a great tool to reduce over thinking. Essentially, meditation is clearing your mind of conscious thought. If you meditate regularly, you get better at it. And get into better habits of not over thinking. You learn to control the chattering of your conscious mind. Giving you a quieter and more peaceful head space.

There are many different ways to meditate. Walking in nature can be used as a form of meditation. As can repeating mantras, or focussing on your breathing.

For a simple breathing meditation, get yourself conformable, and make sure you won’t be disturbed for a while. Close your eyes. Breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Breathe calmly, slowly and deeply. Count each out breath until you reach ten. Then start back at one, repeating this as many times as you wish.

You don’t need to be a hero, meditating in an agonising lotus position for 3 hours. Just do what you’re comfortable with. Even 5 minutes is worth doing.

If you want some help with meditation, check out my free meditation audio bellow…

Stay In The Here And Now

Most people’s minds flit too much through time and space. They may romanticise about the past. Or plan and worry about the future.

Whilst there’s nothing wrong with this, it’s not healthy to spend the majority of your time thinking about the past or future. Because you’re missing out on what’s happening right now. Plus over thinking about the future often leads to worry and anxiety. Because the future is uncertain, and is out of our control.

Try to spend most of your time in the here and now. Yes you should plan for the future, but it shouldn’t dominate your day. If you feel you’re not in the present, there’s a simple exercise you can do to ground yourself in the here and now…

Look around and name 3 things you can see. Then listen, and name 3 things you can hear. Name 3 things you can touch, and either touch them, or imagine what they feel like. Name one thing you can smell. If there’s any food or drink available, have a taste and focus on the flavour.

This exercise quickly grounds your mind and senses to the here and now. You should find that most of your anxieties and worries quickly dissipate.

The majority of our suffering is created by either not letting go of the past, or worrying about the future. Once you’re in the here and now, you’re free to experience the world as it actually is.

Let Go

The fact is, you can’t control everything. No matter how hard you try. So let go, and watch the future unfold.

Learn to accept that the future is uncertain. And that’s how it should be. If you know everything that’s going to happen in the future, then it would be a very boring life. We need surprises to spice things up.

Don’t worry too much about things you can’t control. Because it’s a huge waste of energy. Focus on things you CAN control, and look for solutions rather than dwell on problems. If for example you’re worried about your health, do some exercise and focus on healthier eating. Worrying solves nothing.

Have Faith In Yourself

Nobody is perfect. Even the most intelligent geniuses make mistakes. And they make them often.

Narcissists typically make a big deal if their significant others make even a tiny mistake. This is to knock their confidence and self esteem. This can leave you self conscious, trying too hard to be perfect.

All you can do it try your best. Mistakes WILL happen, whatever you do. This applies to you and everyone else in the world. Presidents, Scientists, Celebrities, make mistakes all the time. Accept you’re also a flawed human being.

You were created by the same forces as everyone else. And you’re just as valid as the rest of the population. Some times things will go wrong. But you also get a whole lot of things right. That’s just the way it goes.

Exercise

When you find yourself over thinking, it’s often beneficial to take some exercise. Find something you enjoy. That could be walking, going to the gym, riding a bike etc.

I often find that I forget most of my troubles once I do some exercise. It’s like hitting a reset switch. And my mind is much clearer after.

Be Aware

Stay aware of whether you’re over thinking. Be mindful of your thoughts. It may help to leave signs or posters in prominent places, such as on walls or on your fridge. Remind yourself to clear your thoughts, and stay in the here and now.

Write down phrases such as “Here and now” and “clear your mind”, and leave them in places you’ll see them. Over time you can get into better habits of sticking to the here and now, and not over thinking.

Meditation helps you stay in good habits. If you can meditate regularly, you should naturally be more aware when you have a chattering mind.

Final Thoughts

Many people confuse over thinking with problem solving. But when you over think, you often go round in circles, getting more stressed, worried and confused. And you rarely solve anything in this state of mind.

Find ways to get away from your problems, clear your mind, and be present in the here and now. Then you can allow your powerful subconscious mind to solve the issues on it’s own.

In the majority of cases, what we worry about is more distressing than the reality. Learn to let go of your past and future, and experience the now. Things rarely look so bleak in the present moment.

Narcissists like to get you into an overthinking state of mind. They know it’s in their best interests as manipulators. They know that calm, rational, and clear minded people are less likely to fall for their tricks.

If you put in the effort, you can learn to free your mind from over thinking. That way you can use your brain more efficiently. You’ll be better at problem solving, and experience less stress. And as an added bonus, you’ll be freer from the manipulations of narcissists, past, present and future.

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