Narcissist relationships are notorious for causing anxiety. And we can stay bitten, long after the relationship ends.
Anxiety is a normal response to danger. And narcissists spark our flight or fight instincts for various reasons.
Narcissists often WANT their partners to be anxious. Because anxious people are easier to control. So they may deliberately cause arguments, and display unpredictable behaviours, just to push you on the back foot.
Narcissist actions and words also misalign. And this creates further anxiety.
For example, they might tell you that you mean the world to them. Yet stand you up when a friend calls. Or they may talk about the importance of their religion. But don’t act in accordance with it.
This disconnect between their words and actions causes confusion. And even if you don’t consciously notice all their contradictions, your subconscious does. And because things don’t add up, it gets confused and concerned. So it rings alarm bells, in the form of anxious feelings.
Years of narcissist relationships gets us used to feeling anxious. Until eventually it becomes our new norm.
Even after the relationship ends, we may still feel it. One reason is that ex partners of narcissists unconsciously create situations which cause them anxiety. Just to feel “normal”. And even if they don’t do this, the narcissists negative words and actions hang over them like a dark cloud. And sow the seeds of doubt for years to come.
However you can break out of this cycle, and fight it. Here’s some tips to help you reduce anxiety…
Slow Deep Breathing
When we feel anxious, we naturally breath shallow and erratically. And this perpetuates our anxiety.
To combat this, consciously reverse this anxious breathing. Take a few slow deep breaths, in though your nose, and out through your mouth. Nice and smoothly, deeply, and controlled.
This quickly calms your physical state. And your mind soon follows.
It may sound simple, but it’s incredibly effective for reducing anxiety. Try it when you next feel anxious. You should immediately feel the benefits.
Stay In The Now
When our mind wanders through space and time, we feel more anxious. Particularly when we project into the future. It’s rare that the present causes much anxiety.
When you find your mind flitting through time and space, try this grounding technique to bring you back to the here and now…
Look around you, and note 3 things you can see.
Close your eyes and listen for 3 sounds you can hear.
Are there any smells in the air you can detect?
Any tastes in your mouth? Perhaps toothpaste, or the last thing you ate.
Is there anything near that you can touch? What does it feel like? Is there a wind blowing against your skin? Is the air warm or cool?
By engaging your sense into what’s happening now, you ground yourself into the present. And this reduces the anxiety that’s caused by your mind flitting through time and space.
Meditation
Meditation is a great tool for calming your mind and body. And it doesn’t need to be complicated.
Lying down and closing your eyes, and focussing on your breathing will suffice. Some people like to count their breaths, or repeat a mantra. As this gives them something to focus on.
Meditation is ultimately about doing nothing. And allowing your mind and body to rest. If thoughts pop into your head, that’s fine. Just allow them to drift away in their own time.
If you’d like some help, check out the following guided meditation I made…
Exercise
Our body was designed to work and move. But modern life doesn’t call for this much.
We quickly become restless and anxious if we don’t use our body. So unless you have a physical job, it’s important to add exercise to your life.
Find something you enjoy. If you like walking in nature, do that. If you prefer running, dancing, gym, etc. then do this. The more you enjoy it, the more you’re likely to stick to it.
You don’t have to do hours every day. Even half an hour 2 or 3 times a week will make a noticeable difference. Because it releases feel good hormones into your body. And there’s also a meditative quality to most exercises.
Improve Your Sleep
Lack of sleep can exacerbate anxiety. Because it increases your cortisol levels (stress hormone). And a lack of sleep also causes us to put things off, because we’re too tired to face them. Which can add to the worry.
Try going to bed at the same time every night, so you get into a regular sleep pattern. Avoid caffeine in the evening. And avoid things like work, social media, and dealing with problems later in the day.
Limit Caffeine And Sugar
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but caffeine and sugar cause jitteriness. Which of course exacerbates anxiety.
Try to find alternative drinks, such as water or herbal teas. Especially in the evenings. Not only will you feel calmer, you’ll sleep better too. Which adds to the benefit.
Seek Professional Help
If these suggestions don’t improve things, then seek professional help. This can come in many forms, such as counselling, or medication.
Talking helps you process things that bother you. Allowing you to find better solutions. Talking also allows you to let go of problems. Because you’re letting them out, rather than bottling them up.
Whilst I’m not a huge fan of medication, sometimes needs must. And if your anxiety won’t go away, it could help.
After my narcissist relationship, I eventually started taking medication. And it did me the world of good. As it gave me breathing space to calm down. And implement other interventions to reduce anxiety.
Final Thoughts
Anxiety is a normal part of the human experience. But it doesn’t have to take over your life.
Try these suggestions to see which work. And through your experimentations, you might find other solutions.
If you’re still struggling, then seek professional help. Because your health and happiness are at stake. And that’s all you’ve really got.
During a narcissist relationship, you’re conditioned not to think about your own needs. And instead focus on the narcissist. Which causes many people to neglect their own mental and physical health.
But now you’re free, you can focus more time and energy on your health and wellness. And you fully deserve to do so. Because we should all be our own number one priority. Despite what the narcissist probably told you.
It’s not selfish to look after yourself. In fact, it’s the responsible thing to do. Because if you’re not firing on all cylinders, you’re less help to others. So ultimately, everyone suffers. Not just you.
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