Narcissists massively impact peoples lives. Especially their primary sources of fuel, like their romantic partners.
Narcissists are demanding of time and energy, and often attract drama and chaos. Yes, some can be fun at times. But their selfish ways inevitably bring more pain than pleasure. And they have no emotional empathy. Meaning they never truly care.
Many people find it difficult to move on from narcissists, despite the pain they bring. This is largely because they dominate so much time and energy, there’s a huge void to fill.
It may not initially feel like this, but we humans are highly adaptable. And you WILL adapt to thrive without them. You learnt to cope WITH the narcissist, so you can easily learn to live without them.
To help you, here’s my tips to help you move on from a narcissist…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Go Full No Contact
If you can, go FULL no contact. This means no contacting them to give them a piece of your mind. No answering their calls or messages. And no sly checking their social media.
ANY contact, gives them the chance to play mind games. And potentially reel you back in. They may remind you of “the good times”. Convince you the relationship problems were your fault. Claim they’ve changed. Or pester their way back into your life.
Even anonymously checking their social media leaves you vulnerable. The narcissist is likely to anticipate your checking. Because they firmly believe they’re so awesome, you won’t be able to resist.
So they may attempt to hurt you with lovey dovey pictures of their new flame. Post subtle digs at your expense. Or play the block then unblock game.
Narcissists are masters of mind games. And know that blocking you will hurt you. And unblocking you gets you wondering what’s going on.
And all the while they occupy your thoughts. When you’re supposed to be moving on.
So if you can go completely no contact, do it. Because it stops them hindering you from moving on.
Grey Rock
I understand it’s not always possible to go full no contact. You may share children, own property together, etc.
In this case you should go grey rock. This is where you keep contact to an absolute minimum. Stay business like and non emotional. And not get drawn into their inevitable provocations.
I know this is easier said than done, but stay friendly in a professional way. And don’t rise to their bait. Because they want an emotional reaction from you.
Emotional reactions give the narcissist fuel. It makes them feel powerful because they’ve pulled the strings, and you’ve danced to their tune. It also keeps them in your head, and narcissists like to matter.
If you stick to grey rock, the narcissist will eventually get bored. And look elsewhere for their drama. But they’re likely to test you every now and then, to see where you’re at. So always stay on your toes.
Occupy Your Time
To move on from a narcissist, it’s important to keep occupied. Narcissists demand a lot from your thoughts. They expect you to anticipate their needs. And often nit pick, forcing their partners to think ahead and solve problems before they arise.
This puts you in the habit of thinking about them most of the time. Wanting to make sure everything’s OK. And this habit continues for a while, after the relationship is over.
You might be fooled into thinking you miss them. You don’t really. You’ve been conditioned to think about them a lot. And this is just a habit, which can be unlearnt.
But you can’t just tell yourself to stop thinking about the narcissist. This doesn’t work any more than telling yourself to not think about pink elephants. Instead you must replace them with other things to think about.
Keep yourself occupied, and your thoughts will be redirected away from the narcissist. And towards more positive things. Things that give YOU pleasure, and help YOU in life.
Therapy
Many people attend therapy to help them move on from a narcissist. And whilst it’s not a magical solution, it often significantly speeds up the recovery process.
The type of therapy you choose may be dependant on your issues and personality. But generally, any therapy that allows you to talk about your experiences in a safe place, allows you to process and make sense of them.
Online therapy is rapidly growing because of its convenience, cost effectiveness, and huge choice in therapies.
Rediscover Yourself
Partners of narcissists often lose contact with friends. And their hobbies and interests become a distant memory. But now you’re free, you can recommence.
Narcissists often deliberately isolate their partners from their friends. They may stir trouble, claiming they flirt with them. Act hostile when they’re around, so they stay away. Move you out the area where it’s not practical to see them. Or throw jealous hissy fits when you plan to meet them.
You might be surprised how receptive your friends are when you get back in touch. Especially when you explain you’ve left the narcissist. Friends often feel uneasy around them. But don’t always tell you this. Instead they stay away. They’re usually avoiding the narcissist, not you.
Your old friends will help ground you. And help you return to your pre-narcissist state.
And the same goes for your old hobbies. Give them a try. Some may not float your boat any more. But others may wake you up and energise you. And give you something to focus on, helping you move on from the narcissist.
Remember What They Were REALLY Like
It’s important not to romanticise the past with narcissists. Because it’s easy to forget the bad things, and only remember the good.
Narcissists are notorious for hoovering months, even years down the line. And are likely to bring up the good times in a bid to win you back. If you forget the bad, then you might be tempted to give them another try. Don’t!
Narcissists rarely change. But often claim they have. And may display a different attitude whilst they woo you back. But they ALWAYS revert back to type.
Narcissists play the nice act to ensnare you. But once you’re back with them, things return to how they were before – sometimes worse. So remember what they were REALLY like.
Unanswered Questions
Narcissists often leave long term relationships with unanswered questions. Not allowing their partners closure. They do this deliberately or intuitively, to keep you on the back burner. Just in case they need you in the future.
Many questions echo through your mind. Why did they cheat? Why did they suddenly lose interest? Where did they disappear to?
But because you’re learning about narcissism, you have a distinct advantage.
You learn that it wasn’t you, it was them. They NEVER wanted a mutually beneficial relationship. They just wanted someone to use. They caused the fights and the toxic mess. Because nothing is ever enough for them.
Don’t chase them for closure. Because you’re unlikely to get it. Narcissists rarely admit fault. Instead accept the harsh reality that they didn’t really care. Because as painful as it initially is, it helps you move on.
Don’t Jump Into A New Relationship
It’s mighty tempting to jump straight into another relationship, just to show the narcissist. Especially if they moved on quickly – which they usually do. But you’re playing a dangerous game.
Whatever attracted you to the narcissist, or whatever attracted them to you, is probably still prevalent. And you’re likely to attract another narcissist if you rush in all guns blazing.
You MAY get lucky and meet the person of your dreams. But if you rush, another narcissist may sense your desperation, and move in for the kill. Then you’re back to square one. Same sh*t, different narcissist.
Take a little time and do some work on yourself. Reflect on why you either didn’t see the red flags, or why you ignored them. Learn as much as you can about narcissism. And when a potential mate presents themselves, take things slow.
Narcissists notoriously rush through the stages of relationships, which is your first red flag. They want everything secured quickly so they can stop wooing, and start using you.
Take your time and don’t let anyone rush you. If they do, then they don’t have your best interests at heart. And they’re likely to make poor long term partners.
Please SHARE And Sign Up To My Newsletter. Sharing Pictures Of Fluffy Animals Is Nice. Sharing Info On Narcissism Is Life Changing!
Please CLICK HERE For Why You’re Better Off Alone Than With A Narcissist
Or Scroll Down For My Most Popular Posts (Mobile)…
