After a relationship with a narcissist, many people suffer from depression, anxiety, lack of confidence, low self esteem, and other similar issues.
Narcissists spend years bombarding you with their subtle and no-so-subtle put down downs. And blame YOU for everything. This obviously affects you over time.
I was in a 12 year relationship with a narcissist. And it’s been 4 years since we split. I was left with anxiety and a lack of self esteem. But I’ve spent 4 years healing from this.
Here’s some things I’ve learned so far. I hope this helps you in your healing journey…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
It’s NOT Your Fault
Narcissists rarely accept blame for anything. They often shift blame to others. And it’s common for narcissists to blame their partner for the breakdown of the relationship. Even if it’s totally their fault.
My ex blamed me for HER having a 5 month affair. Apparently I didn’t love her enough. This wasn’t a contributory factor. It was TOTALLY my fault according to her.
She never came to me to discuss my alleged lack of love. And I know I’m not unapproachable. So I knew it wasn’t true. But I did doubt myself for a while.
When I started reading peoples accounts of breakups in narcissist relationships, I realised that it wasn’t my fault. Many others had gone through similar experiences.
Narcissists spend years blaming you for everything. And this naturally causes you to doubt yourself.
Don’t listen to the narcissists narration of events. They happily lie whilst looking you straight in the eyes. They won’t accept responsibility for their actions. And they WILL blame you, regardless of who’s fault it is.
Narcissists WON’T Change
Narcissists don’t fully close the door at the end of a relationship. They leave the possibility of you getting back together.
This is because narcissists hate being single. They need the adoration of a relationship. So they like to have options.
Then if they’re bored with their current supply, or become single, they can give you a call. They’ll promise things will be different this time. And remind you of the good old days.
But that nice person at the beginning of your relationship was an act. Just to get you interested in them. They revealed their true selves once you’re involved.
And the nice person they present now is also an act. They may tell you how they’ve changed. But they haven’t. Narcissists NEVER change. Not permanently in any case.
They may act nice now, but it won’t last. It NEVER does.
Erase any thoughts of getting back with them. And move on with your life. Because it will be the same, if not worse next time. Because if you take them back, they learn you have ultimately accepted their previous behaviours.
Don’t Bother With Revenge
Most people naturally feel angry at the end of a narcissist relationship. Some want revenge.
Trust me, it’s not worth it. Just be glad you’re rid of them.
If you start revenge, you’re only hurting yourself. Narcissists thrive off conflict and drama. It makes them feel important, and makes them feel alive. Revenge WON’T modify their behaviours. If anything it may encourage them.
Narcissists love attention. Even negative attention. In their mind it shows you still have feelings for them. It shows they matter.
And they can show others your “bad behaviour”. And use it as proof that it was YOU that was the bad egg. They can also show their new partners your acts of revenge to make them jealous. Triangulating them with you. “They’re still crazy about me. That’s why they’re acting like this.”
Stay away from them as best you can. And don’t get dragged into their toxic world of conflict and drama. You won’t be hurting them. Just yourself.
Focus On You
The best thing you can do is ignore the narcissist and focus on yourself. Reconnect with old friends and family. Join a gym, or find sporting activities you enjoy. Enrol on a college course. Learn new things.
Find positive things to do to help you grow and heal. Work on improving your mind and body. That way you’ll feel more positive about your future. I love feeling that every day I’m improving mentally and physically.
In a relationship with a narcissist, you can easily lose touch with yourself. EVERYTHING revolves around them. You can forget your own likes, dreams and ambitions.
Spend time reconnecting with who you are and what you want from life. It takes time. But it’s fun and exciting rediscovering yourself again.
I found new hobbies and interests, and rekindled old ones. I feel more alive and connected as a single guy than I ever felt in my marriage.
Don’t Let Another Narcissist Into Your Life!
Some people are magnets for narcissists. I’m one of them! When one disappears, another one soon pops up.
Learn the signs of how to spot a narcissist. And in any new friendship or relationship, take things slow.
Narcissists put on the nice act for a while. But eventually their mask slips. If you take your time, you’ll spot them before they become too entrenched in your life.
But try not to be too suspicious. Life is dull if you don’t let anyone in. And the narcissist wants nothing more than for you to remain lonely and thinking about them. Just proceed with caution. And take things slowly.
If you discover a narcissist, then close the door. And don’t feel bad about it. This is YOUR life, and you’re only responsible for your own happiness. Not theirs.
Narcissists often play the victim to reel you in. They try to make you feel sorry for them. And responsible for them. Don’t buy into this. You’re NOT responsible for them. This is important to remember.
Therapy
Many people use therapy to help them heal from a narcissist. And whilst it’s not a magical solution, it often significantly speeds up the recovery process.
The type of therapy you choose may be dependant on your issues and personality. But generally, any therapy that allows you to talk about your experiences in a safe place, allows you to process and make sense of them.
Online therapy is rapidly growing because of its convenience, cost effectiveness, and huge choice in therapies and therapists. Please CLICK HERE to check out my recommended online therapy provider.
Final Thoughts
Every day you’re away from the narcissist, you’ll heal a little more. Time IS a great healer. Spend time exploring things YOU want to do. Push your comfort zones and learn what you like.
Go to different places, and try new things. If you don’t like them, then you don’t have to carry them on. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Work on improving your mind and body. And feel happier and more positive as each day passes.
You’re now your own boss. Get used to this. And be a thoughtful, kind and generous boss. And look after yourself well.
This Blog Contains Many Free Articles On Narcissism. Please SHARE On Social Media And SIGN UP To My Newsletter For New Articles. Help Spread Awareness And Keep Reading And Learning!
Please CLICK HERE For How To Reduce Anxiety After A Narcissist Relationship
Or Scroll Down For My Most Popular Posts (Mobile)…
Right on target.