Some people are magnets for narcissists. And sadly I’m one of them!
It’s thought that narcissists are more attracted to certain types of people. Usually the empathetic and easy going types. Others believe that some people are attracted to narcissists.
There’s probably a bit of truth in both. But regardless of the reasons, some people go from narcissist to narcissist. Jumping out of the frying pan, and into the fat.
If you want to break this cycle, then consider these tips for your future relationships…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Take Your Time
Narcissists often rush through the early stages of a relationship. Within weeks they declare their undying love. Want to get married, move in together, have children, or all three!
This is because narcissists create a fake persona at the beginning of a relationship. They pretend to be nice, caring, charming and considerate. But really this is an act. And they know it. So they desperately rush through the early stages of a relationship, before their mask slips.
Take your time in relationships. And don’t let anyone rush you. Enjoy slowly gaining trust. And fully getting to know them. Any person worth their salt respects this. And this gives you time to properly judge their character. Anyone can be nice for a while. So take things slowly.
If they stubbornly keep trying to rush you, and pressure you, then this is a red flag. Especially if you’ve clearly stated you want to take your time.
Watch How They Act, Rather Than Listen To What They Say
Most narcissists, especially at the beginning, talk a good talk. They say how caring and compassionate they are. But do they act that way?
Narcissists are notorious for saying one thing, but doing the opposite. They might for example say how family means the world to them, then ignore their mum when she phones. So watch out for this.
Watch how they treat their friends, family and children. And watch how they treat those they don’t have to treat well. Such as waiters, bar staff, cleaners etc.
If they treat others badly, it’s likely they’ll treat you badly once the honeymoon period is over. Don’t fall for thinking you’ll be treated any different.
Another consideration – are they constantly in conflict with friends, family and colleagues? Narcissists usually live in a world of conflict. But they always blame everyone else.
Obviously everyone has their conflicts. But if it’s all the time and NEVER their fault, then it’s a big red flag.
Don’t Hand Over Your Power
Narcissists often attempt to take your power away. Then you become trapped with them. Dependant on staying with them, and putting up with their crappy behaviours.
They might persuade you to move in with them. Move to a different area, or quit your job.
Sometimes these things happen in healthy relationships. But not at the beginning. So don’t let anyone rush you into these decisions. Even if they dress it up as doing you a favour.
If you do take the plunge, have a back up plan. This is prudent, even if you’re certain they’re not a narcissist. Make sure you have a stash of your own money. Somewhere to stop if things turn sour. And stay in touch with friends and family. Don’t become isolated.
Don’t Be Anyone’s Rescuer
Some narcissists play the victim. This is used to control and manipulate. They play on various “problems” to get you to do things for them. And to guilt you into not leaving them.
Whilst it’s fine to help people, your relationship shouldn’t be ALL about helping them. You need to be benefiting from the relationship too. If the relationship feels one-sided, then it’s a big red flag.
If you take the role of their rescuer, you may feel bad for leaving them. And a narcissist will play on this. They might make out they can’t live without you. Or even threaten suicide.
A healthy relationship should be about wanting to be together. Not about them needing you.
Listen To Your Gut
Narcissists have a way of making people feel uneasy around them. Like they’re walking on eggshells. But they often provide a different narrative. They may tell you how you mean the world to them, but act differently.
Things often don’t quite add up when you compare what they say and what they do. Or when comparing what they say now to what they said in the past.
Don’t ignore your gut feelings. They’re there for a reason. If you always feel uneasy around them, then question why. Your gut is rarely wrong.
Final Thoughts
If you’re in a new relationship, take it slowly. Watch how they treat others. Especially their long term friends and family. If they treat them badly, why wouldn’t they do the same with you?
Make sure you always have an exit strategy. You should never be in a position where you can’t walk away. Narcissists like to lock you in.
Always listen to your gut. And remember, a relationship should be two sided. YOU should benefit as well as your partner.
I strongly urge you learn the patterns of a typical narcissist in a relationship. It’s amazing how predictable most narcissists are. This will help you to identify if they’re drawing you into their toxic world of control and manipulation. They do it by stealth! Check out the following link…
Please CLICK HERE To Learn The Patterns Of A Narcissist In A Relationship
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