When people think of narcissists, they usually think of someone brimming with confidence. They’re the loudest in the room. Constantly boast about their achievements. And firmly believe they’re the best.

But what if this confidence isn’t real? We know narcissists fake many things. Could they be faking their confidence? Are narcissists genuinely confident? Or are narcissists insecure?

The idea that narcissists are insecure may sound contradictory. That’s because they display many typical signs of confidence. But despite this, modern psychology suggests that the relationship between narcissism and self esteem is far more complicated than most people think…

Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

The Myth Of The Confident Narcissist

Popular culture portrays narcissists with sky high self esteem. They boast, seek attention, dominate conversations, and seem immune to self doubt. However, confidence and narcissism are not the same.

True confidence is stable. Confident people don’t need constant validation from others, because their sense of self worth comes from within. They can handle criticism, admit mistakes, and celebrate other people’s success. All without feeling threatened.

Narcissists rely heavily on external validation. Their self image may appear impressive on the outside, but it’s surprisingly fragile underneath.

Narcissists may walk around like nothing phases them. Then someone politely disagrees with them, and they throw a fit. Or someone gives them constructive criticism, and they have a meltdown.

With narcissist “confidence” you get situations where someone you considered confident crumbles under a tiny amount of pressure. Especially if that pressure challenges their competence or status.

The Fragile Ego Beneath The Surface

Many psychologists describe narcissism as a defence designed to protect a vulnerable sense of self. Rather than genuinely believing they’re superior, many narcissists desperately try to convince themselves, and everyone else, that they are.

This creates a cycle of constantly seeking praise, admiration, status, and attention, to maintain their false self image. (This is often known as “narcissistic supply”. This is well worth learning about, as it drives many of their behaviours).

When admiration runs dry, their confidence deteriorates. In fact if they lack supply long enough, they may experience a narcissistic collapse. This is where they slip into a sort of deep depression.

This explains why many narcissists react strongly to criticism. Even mild feedback can feel like a personal attack, because it threatens the false superior image they worked hard to maintain.

Grandiose vs Vulnerable Narcissists

One reason narcissist insecurity causes confusion is because not all narcissists look the same. There are 6 commonly described types of narcissists. But the main 2 we need to look at are grandiose and vulnerable narcissists…

Grandiose Narcissists

These are what most people associate with narcissists. They tend to be…

• Arrogant
• Attention seeking
• Dominant
• Entitled
• Highly competitive

They project confidence and superiority, often appearing charismatic and self assured. However, studies suggest that even grandiose narcissists can have insecurities that appear when their status or reputation is challenged.

Vulnerable Narcissists

Vulnerable narcissists are often missed because they don’t fit the classic narcissist stereotype. They may be…

• Highly sensitive to criticism
• Defensive
• Envious of others
• Socially anxious
• Prone to feelings of inadequacy

Unlike grandiose narcissists, their insecurity is easier to spot. They may flit between feeling special and feeling misunderstood, unappreciated, or unfairly treated.

Why Narcissists Need Constant Validation

Think about the difference between someone who knows they’re competent versus someone who keeps telling everyone they are. The first person doesn’t need approval to feel secure. But the second person is trying to compensate. Rather than genuinely expressing themselves.

Remember narcissistic supply that I mentioned earlier? The attention, admiration, praise, status, and recognition from others. These external sources temporarily reinforce their ”superior” self image.

The problem is that external validation doesn’t last long. Within minutes the glory they basked in begins to fade. So they soon need another hit.

As a result, they need more attention, more recognition, and more reassurance. This creates an endless cycle of seeking validation and approval.

The Criticism Test

One of the easiest ways to distinguish genuine confidence from narcissistic self importance is to watch what they do when criticised.

A genuinely confident person may not enjoy the criticism, but they can process it without going into a meltdown. Narcissist respond differently. They may…

• Become defensive.
• Attack the person giving feedback.
• Shift blame.
• Minimise the issue.
• Refuse responsibility.
• React with anger or contempt.

Why? Because criticism threatens the carefully constructed false image they need to feel OK about themselves.

Are All Narcissists Insecure?

Not necessarily. Psychologists continue to debate the exact relationship between narcissism and insecurity.

Some narcissists appear to have genuinely high self esteem in some areas of their life. Often at work, or places where their efforts are recognised. Others display insecurity hidden beneath a grandiose exterior. Others fluctuate between feelings of superiority and inadequacy.

The reality is that narcissism sits on a spectrum. So different people may be motivated by different psychological factors.

What researchers increasingly agree on though, is that narcissistic behaviour serves a protective function. Whether conscious or subconscious, it helps defend against threatening feelings. Someone with genuine confidence wouldn’t need to do this. Because they’re comfortable with themselves.

Final Thoughts

So, are narcissists insecure? The answer is often yes, but not always. Their insecurity isn’t usually seen as self doubt or low confidence. It’s hidden behind arrogance, defensiveness, and entitlement.

Narcissists are complex, just like the rest of us. They can feel confident some days, and insecure on others. Their confidence also varies, depending on what they’re doing. For example, they may be confident in front of an audience, but lack confidence in social settings. Or vice versa.

Narcissists aren’t gifted with supreme confidence just because they’re narcissists. Some are naturally more confident than others, just like the rest of us. But also confidence is earned throughout life…

People who regularly push themselves through their comfort zones gain confidence. And whilst some narcissists do this in some areas of their life, many don’t do this enough. Instead they fake confidence, so they don’t have to put in the work. Then they don’t risk “failure”, which shatters their delusions of superiority.

In other words, most narcissists prioritise looking confident over actually being confident. This is what stops many narcissists developing true confidence.

Instead they conjure up fake confidence. So whilst they may appear confident, most are anything but. This creates a fascinating paradox where the people who seem the most confident are often working the hardest to hide their insecurities!

Narcissist often try to artificially boost their confidence by dragging other people down. So they seem more confident by comparison. But this does nothing to actually improve their own confidence. It just drains yours.

So if you’ve been close to a narcissist, it’s likely your confidence has taken a hit. Check out the link bellow for how to boost your confidence after a narcissist relationship…

Please CLICK HERE For How To Regain Your Confidence After Narcissist Relationship