Let’s face it, narcissists are takers. They approach relationships with one main goal – to take as much as they can.
Narcissists aren’t interested in equal relationships. They want to dominate.
This means that with a narcissist in your life, you’re destined to lose out. Because their gain is your loss.
Whilst some of these losses are obvious, others are more subtle. Without appreciating the subtle costs of narcissists, you’re more likely to put up with them. Despite it being in your best interests not to.
Here’s a run down of some of the hidden costs of having narcissists in your life…
Please Watch This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Emotional Drain
Narcissists are emotionally draining. They attract drama like moths to a flame. Then involve you.
Narcissists get invigorated by drama, whereas it drains you. So they’re happy to live a life full of chaos. As they actively look for new dramas, once old ones end.
Whilst this energises narcissists, it drains you emotionally. Because neuro-typicals seek peace and harmony. And need this to recharge.
A 2019 study showed that almost 70% of those close to people with Clusters B personality disorders qualified for a depressive disorder. Which shows the devastating impact narcissists have on our emotional well-being.
Time Lost
Narcissists are demanding of time and energy. And always seem to need something.
There may be another “crisis” where they need a hand to hold. Or they need favours for things they can probably do themselves.
This wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t disappear in your time of need. So you continually invest time in them, with little return.
Most people don’t factor the time narcissists cost them. Because time is “free”. Except it isn’t.
Time is your most valuable commodity. Which is why we get paid for time at work.
We have limited time on Earth. Why should you keep giving it to someone else? Especially when they wouldn’t give any to you.
Self-Esteem Hit
Narcissists have to fight for top dog status in relationships. And this often involves putting other people down, to lift themselves up.
Years of put downs by a “loved one” erodes your self-esteem. Because these repetitive insults get drummed in to your subconscious. Affecting your automatic mood and behaviours.
With a lower self esteem, you’re more controllable for the narcissist. But this comes at the cost of your health, happiness, and ability to thrive.
Sadly, narcissists don’t care what this costs you. Only what they gain.
Social Isolation
Having narcissists in your life can cost you social isolation, for several reasons…
- Narcissists may isolate you from support networks, to give them more control over you. They may physically move you away from friends and family. Cause friction between you and your loved ones. And convince you that your time is better spent with them.
- Narcissists demand time and energy to the point where you have little for anyone else. So you find yourself spending most of your time with the narcissist. Whilst drifting away from more valuable relationships.
- Narcissists may infiltrate your family or friend group. And subtly sow divisions between people. Which can disintegrate the cohesiveness of your support networks.
- Some people get the creeps around narcissists. Or get irritated by their selfishness. So they may avoid you, to keep away from the narcissist you associate with.
- Some narcissists smear the people they spend time with. And actively damage their reputation. This is to pre-empt the relationship breaking down. Because if they can paint you as unstable, then no one believes you if you reveal their secrets in the future.
Mental Health Price
Narcissists like to make people anxious around them. Because it makes them feel powerful. Plus anxious people are easier to control.
So they find things that trigger you, then repeatedly talk about them. So if you worry about money, they might keep bringing up finances. If you worry about the threat of war, then they may keep bringing up news of global tension.
Studies show that narcissists provoke anxiety. In one study, around 80% of people close to narcissists were shown to suffer with mood and anxiety disorders.
Narcissists often poke people when they’re relaxed. To send them back into a state of anxiety. So they may start an argument. Or do something to annoy them. Just to break them from their peace.
Years of this gets you into an almost constant state of flight or fight. Because you learn to expect a trigger at any moment. Even when relaxing with the people you should be able to trust.
Financial Toll
Most narcissists are terrible with money. So to compensate, they drain the resources of those around them.
Narcissists may create financial dependency with someone. Using them to make up for their shortfalls. Until after a while, they feel responsible for the narcissists’ finances. Which is a drain to their own.
If you’re in a romantic relationship, then it may be worse. You may find yourself up to your eyeballs in debt. And being the only one who seems to care.
Lost Opportunities
It’s impossible to quantify the lost opportunities narcissists cost. But I bet it’s a lot.
Being drained means you ignore hobbies and interests. You may not apply for your dream job, due to low self-esteem. Or you may not pursue your goals, because you don’t feel capable.
The accumulation of lost opportunities compounds over time. Because one opportunity often leads to others.
When you bear in mind that narcissists aim is to take as much as they can, then it’s obvious that they hold you back. And cost you far more than they ever bring. And the losses are probably greater than you can imagine.
Final Thoughts
With this in mind, why keep narcissists in your life? An act of charity? Loneliness? Because you worry what they think about you?
How about an act of charity to yourself? Why not care about what you think of yourself? Is it right to subject yourself to a narcissist, when you know their cost?
Our primal responsibility is towards ourselves. That’s everyone’s responsibility. And narcissists certainly ascribe to this.
When we look after number 1, we become better versions of ourselves. And that benefits everyone around us. Because we’re firing on all cylinders, and better able to care for others.
So narcissists not only take from you. They also take from the people who deserve your time and energy. Which further adds to the hidden costs of narcissists. So you’ve got to ask yourself, is it worth the price?
Please CLICK HERE For Why You’re Better Alone Than With A Narcissist