Although narcissists can be like bulls in a china shop, they can also use subtle hints to manipulate people. Throughout my years of dealing with narcissists, I’ve often had a gut feeling they were hinting at something. And usually these feelings were proven right. With narcissists, we should listen to our gut feelings. Because they can be subtle at times.

Once you’re aware of how narcissists use subtle hints, you’re better able to see through them. And understand what they’re really up to. And once you know what they’re up to, you’re less likely to be taken in by their shenanigans.

Here’s some of the ways narcissists use subtle hints to manipulate…

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Intimidation

Narcissists may use hints as a form of intimidation. They might for example talk about their violent past. To let people know what they’re capable of. This might even be conducted in a friendly way. It could be a story from their youth that they tell in a friendship setting. But they know the message is sent and received – don’t mess with me, I’m dangerous.

Narcissists sometimes drop hints that could easily be interpreted as threats. They may say things like, “If you do that again, I won’t be responsible for my actions.” Whilst this is arguably not a threat, it certainly can be interpreted as one.

These hints are designed to get people frightened, and walking on egg shells around them. Narcissists like to intimidate people. Not only does it make them feel powerful, it also increases the chances that people will do as they’re told.

A narcissist knows that once they have you intimidated, then a dirty look, or a few carefully chosen words, might be enough to intimidate you in the future.

Criticise Others

Narcissists sometimes criticise others, for behaviours they want to encourage or discourage from you. For example a narcissist boss might criticise other workers for leaving at 5pm, and not giving their time away freely.

This makes the person hearing this feel guilty if they leave at 5PM. So they stay later, because they don’t want to be on the bosses list of people they complain about.

In this example, the narcissist has used subtle pressure to get what they want. They complained about “others”, not you. But they also conveyed the message that if you behave like the others, then you’ll be pushed into their bracket.

Another example could be a narcissist criticising family members to you, saying “None of them care about me.” This drops a big hint that they want you to behave in a different way to those they’re criticising. And give them more care.

Compliment Others

In a similar way, narcissists may compliment others for doing things they want to encourage you to do. For example they might talk about how great their other friend is, because they can ring them at 2am and they’ll come running.

Narcissists sometimes try to set up a sort of competition. Where friends are trying to outdo each other to gain the narcissists affection. Here’s a typical example…

Narcissist females often have a lot of male “friends”. And the female narcissist typically plays them off against each other (AKA triangulation). They might for example lay it on thick about how their other friend regularly treats them to a meal out.

The narcissist hopes to make the person jealous of the compliments to the other, and raise their game. And try to out do the other friend. All to the benefit of the narcissist.

Self Depreciation

Whilst self depreciation and narcissists don’t often go hand in hand, some narcissists like to put themselves down in a way that actually puts you down.

For example they might know they earn more than you. So they “complain” about their low wage, knowing full well it’s more than your earnings. This is a subtle way of putting you down. But of course they can say they weren’t talking about your wage. And pass it off as an innocent faux pas.

Humble Bragging

Some narcissists become masters of bragging, whilst appearing to be humble. They might for example slip it into conversation that they they ran into a old friend, whilst on their way to voluntary work.

They make it appear that they were telling you about running into their old friend. But really they wanted to show off about their voluntary work. Narcissists need more positive strokes than the average person. And sometimes it’s worth letting them brag a little.

Hint At Feeling Suicidal

Narcissists sometimes like to hint that they’re feeling suicidal, depressed, or a danger to themselves in some way. Narcissists sometimes like to play the poor victim, coaxing everyone to rally round to help them.

If they can convince you they’re not safe on their own, they can command your attention whenever they want it. They know that a caring friend who’s worrying about them will drop everything if they think their life is in danger.

As we know, narcissists are almost bottomless pits when it comes to needing attention. Hinting that they’re not safe alone is an easy way for them to snap their fingers when they want someone to come running.

Final Thoughts

Look out for narcissists subtle hints, and listen to your gut feelings. Most narcissists use a combination of subtle and no so subtle hints to get what they want.

Covert narcissists particularly favour the more subtle hints to manipulate others. And whilst these subtle hints may not seem as bad, they’re designed to achieve the same aims as any other form of manipulation – to allow them to take as much from you as they can, whilst giving you as little as they can.

If you learn to spot the narcissists tricks, you can save yourself many problems in the future. The narcissist only has their best interests in mind, not yours. Your best interests are your own responsibility to protect. The narcissist will stomp all over them if they can.

So keep reading, keep learning, and keep growing. Knowledge is power. And power is everything to a narcissist. Don’t let them take yours.

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