If you’re fresh from breaking up with a narcissist, this may be difficult to swallow. But if it’s been a while, you’ll probably agree with my next sentence. You’re better off alone than with a narcissist. Much better off.
Having been in a 12 year relationship with a narcissist, and now 6 years alone, I can catalytically say I’ve zero desire to return. I’m MUCH happier now.
There’s many reason reasons why being alone is preferable to being with a narcissist. Here’s a few reasons why you’re better off alone than with a narcissist…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
They Will NEVER Care About You
Narcissists have little emotional empathy. And this means they will NEVER truly care about you.
Caring about someone requires emotional empathy. Because you must be capable of stepping into someone’s shoes and feeling what they feel.
Narcissists are so self absorbed, they can’t do this. They don’t even consider you have thoughts and feelings. In their mind you exist to serve them. Like a car or a toaster. So they never understand you on an emotional level.
The narcissist may fake empathy, and appear caring at times. But that’s only when there’s something in it for them. They may want to be in your good books. Or may give a public display of care, to look good to others. But it’s never genuine.
When the chips are down, they’re not there for you. They’re usually more annoyed that your needs got in the way of you catering for theirs.
This puts you in a dicey position. If something happens to them, you’ll stick around to look after them. But if something happens to you, forget it. The narcissist will scarper. Unless there’s something to be gained from looking after you. And even then, their heart won’t be in it.
This means you provide them with security. But receive none in return.
They Use And Abuse
Narcissists don’t enter relationships with honest intentions of giving and receiving love. They aim to take as much as they can, whilst giving as little as possible.
Narcissists may be giving at first. But slowly they erode your boundaries. And normalise their selfishness. Getting you more used to their demands. Allowing them to bleed you dry.
Over time this takes it toll on your health. You’re looking after another adult with little in return. Effectively doubling your responsibilities. And on top of that is the added drama that narcissists bring.
This constant stress causes many partners of narcissists to develop mental and physical health problems. Some of which can be seriously debilitating. The good news is that once you leave the narcissist, these problems often go away.
They Knock Your Self Esteem
Narcissists have numerous ways of knocking your self esteem. And they’re not afraid to use them. They’re often hyper critical of everything you do. Offering a running commentary of every minor “mistake” you make.
Narcissists also dish out subtle put downs, that are often dressed up as jokes. And these “jokes” gradually become meaner and more frequent over time. And even though they say they were joking, they still knock your self esteem.
Over time, narcissists learn what affects you the most. And use it to knock you down. They do this to be top dog. Nice eh?!
They Take Your Space To Find Good People
Perhaps the biggest black mark against narcissists is they take your opportunity to develop relationships with people who have your interests at heart.
Narcissists are demanding of time and energy. And position themselves at the centre of your world. They’re controlling, and many don’t like you spending time with other people. This stops you maintaining and discovering good people in your life.
Without the narcissist, you have the time, energy, and ability to connect with empathetic people. And develop genuine relationships with people who actually care about you.
You Can Do Things YOU Want
Leaving a narcissist is liberating. You’ve spent so long focusing on them and their needs. And being restricted and controlled. Without them, you can do what you please.
Of course it takes time to adjust if you’re not used to doing things for yourself. And you may forget what you want, because it seems so alien.
But we humans are adaptable. And with a positive mindset, you can rediscover yourself and the things you like. And shake the habit of considering the narcissists needs before your own.
Once the shackles are off, you gain a new understanding of freedom. You don’t take it for granted, because you know what it’s like not to have any. So you appreciate freedom like never before. Allowing you to enjoy even the simplest of life’s pleasures.
You Can Discover Yourself
Having this new freedom allows you to discover yourself. And learn who you really are.
Narcissists not only stifle your movements. They stifle your thoughts and opinions. And expect you to agree with everything they say. And become a mindless clone of them.
Being away from the narcissist allows you to discover your thoughts and opinions. Your dreams and ambitions. And your wants and desires. And it gives you space to pursue them.
You’re Free!
Without the narcissists looming presence, you’re free. Free to have your own thoughts and opinions. Free to do what YOU want. And free to be yourself.
Most people don’t realise how much freedom narcissists take, until they leave them. Because the narcissist takes freedom gradually, by stealth.
Once you’re free you realise how much time, energy, and freedom they took. And having the freedom to be yourself and do what you want is what matters in life.
Final Thoughts
If you’re thinking of leaving a narcissist, but fear being alone, don’t. The narcissist is never truly there for you anyway. They only drag you down. Which means you’re effectively less than alone. I feel more connected living alone than I ever did living with a narcissist.
Many people become angry once they leave a narcissist. Because it hits them how badly they were treated, and how much they were used. And it’s easy to be bitter about the wasted years.
But you can’t get that time back. And you don’t need to. Because it’s like putting money in the bank. Once you’re free, you can appreciate life more than ever. You’ve experienced the darkness, now it’s time for the light.
Consider therapy if you think this might help. Because it allows you to make sense of the past and your future.
I prefer to see it as having weighted boots removed. You lived with the narcissist dragging you down, and now you’re free. And EVERYTHING seems easier and more enjoyable.
Without the narcissists negative influence, even the simplest of lives feels like luxury. And you can appreciate the small things that others take for granted. Like peace and quiet for a start!
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