Have you experienced a narcissist stare? Perhaps they stared intensely during conversations. Or their eyes followed you round the room, for no apparent reason. Or they stared expectantly, as if you’re supposed to say something?
Whatever the situation, the narcissist stare is uncomfortable, and strange. Which begs the question, why do narcissists stare at people?
As you might suspect, narcissists stare for their own gain. Here’s several things narcissists gain from staring at people…
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The Power Gaze
Eyes are often called the “windows to the soul” for good reason. They communicate massive amounts of information. Perhaps more than words.
For most of us, eye contact is a normal part of conversation. It establishes trust, shows interest, and creates a sense of connection. But for narcissists, eye contact isn’t about connection. It’s about control.
Staring is a way for narcissists to assert dominance. When they lock eyes with someone, it’s about making themselves feel seen. Rather than seeing the other person. Which, when you’re on the receiving end, feels overwhelming and intimidating.
When narcissists stare, they look for reactions. And test if their gaze is intimidating. If it is, then they know they have a weapon to use to dominate.
To Revel In Your Pain
If the narcissist hurts or embarrasses you, then they may stare to revel in your pain. Particularly if they’re malignant narcissists.
These narcissists enjoy watching people suffer. So they stare to take in every bit of hurt and anguish your face displays, to get their fix.
Validation
Narcissists need almost constant validation to fuel their fragile sense of self-worth. Staring is one way of gaining validation. It’s as though they’re saying, “Look at me. I’m here. Pay attention to me.”
In social situations, narcissists may stare to force people to acknowledge them. Either by returning the gaze, or by reacting with discomfort. Either way the narcissist gets the validation they crave.
To Mirror
Narcissists notoriously mirror people to steal their character traits. This is where they copy other peoples words and mannerisms, and use them as their own.
Narcissists struggle to act “normal” due to their disordered personalities. So they may stare to learn from you. To see how you react to certain situations. Which they can then copy, to create the impression they’re normally functioning empathic people.
Lack Of Social Skills
Many narcissists lack social skills. Largely because they’re more focussed on their own inner world, rather than on others. So they don’t learn as much as they would, if their attention was directed outwards.
So they may be socially awkward, and resort to staring, because they don’t know what to do in some social situations. So they freeze whilst trying to think of what to do next.
To Study Your Weaknesses
Narcissists may stare to size you up. And look for vulnerabilities in your body language and demeanour. They may test you, then stare to gauge your reactions to their behaviours. So they know which tactics to use in future.
For example, the narcissist may have a sudden angry outburst. Then stare to gauge your reaction.
If you appear fearful, then they learn they can do this to push you on to the back foot. But if you take it in your stride, then they look for another tactic.
So instead they may tell you a sob story. And if you appear upset and wanting to help, they know they can control you by playing the victim. And appealing to your empathy.
To Flirt
Most narcissists highly value sexual validation. So they may stare to attract sexual attention.
Staring can be a subtle form of flirting. Which allows narcissists to go to work, without risking rejection. Which is a perfect tactic for many of them.
Narcissists may also stare to subtly flirt in front of a partner. Because it’s difficult to be called out for looking at someone slightly longer than usual.
If you do call them out, you’re likely to be accused of being crazy and jealous. Which gets them off the hook. And stops you calling them out for this in the future.
Make Others Feel Uncomfortable
Some narcissists stare because they enjoy making people feel uncomfortable. Which feeds their need for control and superiority.
So they may lock eyes with someone to deliberately unsettle them. And to subtly assert their power over them. If they can make someone squirm, they’ve won.
For some narcissists, the longer the stare, the more powerful they feel. Like two boxers facing off in a silent game of dominance, where whoever looks away first, loses.
Narcissists may also stare if you’re doing difficult tasks. Because they know it puts more pressure on you. And they enjoy watching you wilt under the strain. Which increases their feelings of power and dominance.
Staring As A Manipulation Tool
Narcissists are often skilled manipulators. And staring may be another manipulation tactic in their arsenal.
Narcissists know that some people feel intimidated by their stare. So they may use it to instil fear. Because someone afraid is more likely to do as they’re told.
Staring may also be used to punish. So if someone does something the narcissist doesn’t approve of, they may receive a frosty glare.
The stare may also be used in advance. To warn someone to tow the line, and behave how they expect. Especially when in company they want to impress.
To Provoke A Reaction
Narcissists thrive on drama. So they may stare to provoke a reaction.
This reaction might be discomfort. Or even an angry outburst in retaliation.
Either way, the narcissist wins. Because they’ve “made” someone react. Which makes them feel powerful and in control. And also they gained their undivided attention. Which is gold for attention hungry narcissists.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists stare at people because they want to dominate, gain attention, and make people feel uncomfortable. It’s a form of control, manipulation, and validation-seeking, all wrapped into one behaviour.
Underneath the bravado, narcissists struggle with insecurity. They have fragile egos and constantly seek validation, to keep their self-esteem intact. Staring might be a reflection of this inner turmoil. A way to assert themselves to feel better about who they are.
At the same time, narcissists have a skewed sense of reality. They believe they’re above others, and deserve attention and admiration. They feel special, so they can demand people’s attention without considering others feelings.
On top of all this, narcissists see people as commodities to be used. Rather than flesh and blood people. So they don’t fully recognise their human aspect.
Instead, the narcissist stare is another button to push. To gain control of a commodity. So they can dominate, control, and use people for their own personal gain.
Please CLICK HERE For Why Narcissists Mirror You