Here’s a BIG secret that narcissists don’t want you to know. Ready?! They need you more than you need them. Deep down they know this. And they fear you finding out.

Narcissists want the power balance of relationships locked firmly in their favour. And they know that if you realise they need you, this shifts the power away from them. And they can’t have that.

Narcissists try their best to make it appear that they don’t need you. They may cancel arrangements last minute. Put you down in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Go out with different sets of friends, then invite you half way through. The list goes on.

There’s many ways narcissists tell you that you’re not important. But you ARE! Especially to the narcissist. The narcissist needs you, and gain a lot of knowing you. Far more than you gain from them. Here’s what a narcissist is likely to gain from you…

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Attention

Narcissists need attention like we need oxygen. They believe they’re centre of the universe. And need attention to confirm this.

Narcissists learn attention seeking behaviours throughout their lives to give them their fix. They may play the victim, having well meaning friends gather round to help. Cause arguments, because negative attention is better than nothing. Or engage in dramatic behaviours to take the spotlight.

You may have noticed that many narcissists don’t like spending time alone. They don’t want time to self reflect. Because it might expose their flaws.

Narcissists cling to the belief they’re perfect. And looking inwards exposes their delusions to the harsh reality that they’re ordinary human beings.

Attention deflects their focus away from their inner world. And allows them to continue indulging in their delusions, using you to distract and soothe them.

To Feel Superior

Narcissists also have delusions of superiority. But to feel superior, they need someone to be superior to. And that’s where you come in.

If you do anything nice for the narcissist, they kid themselves into believing it’s because you recognise their superiority. Rather than because you’re a good person.

Narcissists like to call the shots. THEY decide what you do and where you go. Not only because they believe their ideas are best, but also to maintain their sense of superiority.

Narcissists are experts at subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle put downs. In their mind this lifts them up, and again establishes their superiority.

Some lower functioning narcissists like to show off how badly they treat others. Thinking this impresses people, and enhances their superiority. They might for example show off that they cheat on their partner. Often oblivious that this doesn’t impress right thinking people.

Want To Be Admired

Narcissists believe they deserve to be admired. And they need people to fulfil this need.

Narcissists usually dominate conversations. And either overtly or subtly brag about themselves, what they’re up to, and their past achievements.

And because you’re a kind and empathetic person, you oblige them with kind words. And allow them space to talk about their favourite topic – themselves. Which the narcissist interprets as admiration. They think you WANT to hear their life story!

Narcissists often become jealous and competitive if anyone displays superior knowledge, skills, or success. The narcissists deep down feels that only they should be admired. Which is why they often associate with humble non competitive people. These people are worth their weight in gold to narcissists, because they’re less threatening to their ego.

Steal Your Character Traits

Narcissists wall themselves from their emotions, making them shells of people. They don’t have a properly formed self. Because that means working with and understanding their emotions. Plus admitting they have flaws, and working on them. But they still want to be admired.

Narcissists often select people with character traits they want to portray to others. Usually people who are kind and empathetic. Then pretend to be like them.

You may find the narcissist copies phrases and mannerisms you use. They may even copy your interests and ideals.

The narcissist presents these character traits as their own. And uses them to impress people, and draw them in. In a nutshell they need you to provide a template to clone themselves a personality.

Need Drama

Narcissists wall themselves from their emotions to feel safe. If they don’t feel emotions, then they can’t be hurt. But this comes at a price.

Narcissists feel flat inside. Dead, like a shell of a person. Leaving them bored, restless, and in need of excitement.

Narcissists aren’t happy if there’s no drama. Contentment isn’t enough when you’re dead inside. They need a buzz to feel alive. Which is why many turn to drink or drugs, or reckless behaviours. But they also use people to help them create a buzz.

The narcissists fix of drama might come from causing trouble with you, maybe an argument. Or it might come from stirring trouble between you and someone else. Or putting you down, or fooling you in some way.

However they do it, narcissists need people for drama. Without drama, life is barely worth living.

Favours

Most narcissists don’t have their life together. They’re chaotic and disorganised. So they need outside help to maintain the appearance of a fully functioning adult. And to give them a reasonably comfortable life.

Narcissists like to give off the image they’re more capable than they are. And enlisting the help of others helps them achieve this.

Some narcissists spend their lives leaching off multiple people. They might borrow money from friends. Have their Mum clean their house. And their colleagues cover for their laziness at work.

With their army of helpers, narcissists appear higher functioning than they really are. But if people abandon them, their haphazard cobbled-together world soon crumbles apart.

Final Thoughts

There’s many reasons why narcissists need you. But of course the narcissist doesn’t want you to know this. Because if the truth is revealed, YOU have the upper hand.

So the narcissist works hard to make it seem like you need them. Which is why they put you down. Tell you how difficult you are to be around. And how lucky you are to spend time with them. They may do these things directly or more subtly.

Unless they have plenty of options, the narcissist doesn’t want to lose you. Or more specifically, they don’t want to lose all these things you give them.

As usual, they want the best of both worlds. They want to keep milking you for all you’re worth, whilst preventing you from knowing your worth. But if you walk away, it’s their loss, not yours. And deep down they know it.

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