You may be left devastated after a break up with a narcissist. Your whole world turned upside down. Needing time to heal, reflect, and move on.
But the narcissist moves on without a care in the world. And may have a new flame within days. Parading them over social media, and round your local area. Showing off to everyone they meet.
Narcissists often quickly get over break ups, especially if they find someone new. And may act like you never happened.
Didn’t all those years mean anything? How can they find someone so soon after a break up? Here’s a few reasons why narcissists move on so quickly after a relationship has ended…
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Narcissists Don’t Love Anyone
This may be a bitter pill to swallow. But it’s better to accept this, as it allows you to heal and move on. Here goes – narcissists never truly love anyone.
Narcissists are too self absorbed to love another person. They focus too much on their own needs to think about anyone else. So they don’t feel the same hurt at losing someone.
They may feel wounded if you end things. But only because this shatters their delusions of superiority. They may miss the attention you provided. And miss the things you did for them. But they don’t actually miss YOU.
Narcissists have a lack of emotional empathy. So they never truly connect. Instead, their relationships are transactional. And based on what they can take, rather than on mutual love.
If their new flame gives them what they want, then you’re quickly forgotten. Because their needs are being met. And that’s all that matters.
They Hate Being Single
Most narcissists hate being single. They need someone to adore them. Do things for them. And make them feel special.
So most narcissists desperately search for someone, as soon as their relationship ends. Because they psychologically crumble if they’re alone. That’s how needy they can be.
This causes many to jump straight into another relationship. And often they’re so desperate, they don’t care who with. As long as they give them what they want. Which is why they sometimes make questionable choices.
They Were Cheating Or Had Someone Lined Up
Not all narcissists cheat, but many do. And some have secondary partners waiting in the wings. So as soon as your relationship ends, they’re promoted to primary partner. How good of them!
Of course the narcissist tells their newly appointed partner that they ended things. And did so because they wanted to be with them so badly. And quickly they have a replacement on board, and things are “back to normal”.
If the narcissist wasn’t cheating, then they may still have replacements lined up. Narcissists often build a harem of admirers as backup. Like an insurance policy.
Their harems consist of exes, or “friends”, who they know who like them. And the narcissist keeps them on the back burner with hints and flirtations. So that if a split happens, they have a shoulder to cry on, and an oven-ready replacement.
They’re Detached From Their Emotions
Narcissists are detached from their emotions. They reasoned long ago that if they hide from their emotions, they can’t be hurt. So they psychologically numb themselves to avoid pain.
This numbness means they don’t feel the same hurt when they lose a partner. They can quickly discard their feelings and move on. Because they’ve had a life time of practice.
Black And White Thinking
Narcissists lack whole object relations – also known as black and white thinking. This means they struggle seeing someone as having both positive and negative traits – the shades of grey. It’s all or nothing with narcissists.
Narcissists tend to see people as “all good” or “all bad”. If they’re happy with them, then they may think they’re the most wonderful person on Earth. But if this same person displeases them, then they may think they’re rotten to the core. Even for relatively minor transgressions.
When a relationship ends, they’re likely to see you as “all bad”. Either because you ended things, and that insulted them. Or because they want to justify their own decision to end it. And if they see you as “all bad”, then it’s much easier to move on.
They Want To Prove A Point
Narcissists don’t like showing weakness. And don’t want people thinking they’re suffering after a split. So to prove as point, they publicly show themselves having a good time.
They may parade around town with their new flame. And post pictures over social media of the “happy couple”.
If you ended the relationship, then they may be even more determined to prove they don’t miss you. Because they don’t want you thinking you got the better of them. And they don’t want anyone else thinking it either.
So they pull out all the stops, just to show they don’t care. Some have even been known to jump straight into marriage, just to spite their former partners.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists see their partners like most people see their car. They may be fond of their car. Feel good driving it. And like what it does for them. But ultimately it’s something that gets them from A to B. It serves a purpose.
In the back of their mind, narcissists know their relationships may end at any time. Because they use people up, and drive them away. Which is why they often have back-up plans as insurance.
Whilst the narcissist may have been fond of you, and miss all you did for them, they don’t lose any sleep over it. The only hurt they feel is their personal loss and their pride. So they quickly get over it when a shiny new replacement arrives.
Narcissists don’t love, they use. So they’re only attached to the service, and not the provider. Which is why they find it easy to move on. But in the long run they’ve done you a favour. Because whilst they’re busy creating a new toxic relationship, you’re finally free.
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