I’ve noticed that even the most self absorbed narcissist loves a good funeral. They even go out their way to attend funerals of people they barely knew.
Funerals are for saying goodbye to someone who meant something to you. And they’re to support loved ones through their loss.
It’s comforting to share your grief with those close to you. And comforting to know they’re there for you.
Narcissists aren’t about helping others. They look at how others satisfy their needs.
So what attracts narcissists to funerals? Here’s my thoughts…
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It’s A Public Event
Narcissists LOVE public events. They like dressing up and attending social occasions. And they like being admired. Especially by people they’re not close to. Funerals tick all these boxes.
The narcissist gets to parade in front of an audience. Dress up in their finest clothes. And receive compliments. “Thanks for coming.”, “You look fantastic”, etc.
They look good, and feel good. A funeral is a chance for narcissists to publicly shine. And that suits them fine!
No Rival For Centre Stage
Narcissists often avoid peoples wedding and birthdays, because someone else is centre stage. And they can’t stand things not revolving around them.
At funerals, the person at the centre is deceased. So they’re no threat to the narcissist. So the narcissist can still shine. Rather than take a back seat.
Win-Win Situation
A funeral is a win-win situation for a narcissist. If they weren’t close to the deceased, they’re complimented just for attending. EVERYBODY sees how wonderful they are.
“Wow, I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Yes, he actually meant a lot to me. He was such an inspiration.”
If the narcissist was close to the deceased, then they’re in the “high ranks” of the funeral. They get to sit at the front. Shake everybody’s hand, read a eulogy, and take centre stage.
Plus they get sympathy. And narcissists LOVE sympathy. Everyone feels sorry for them. And they lap it up.
No Grudges
A narcissist knows that people they’ve wronged HAVE to call a truce during a funeral. Social convention dictates past grudges must temporarily be forgotten. So the narcissist gets a free pass for the day.
This gives them chance to get back in peoples good books. And reconnect with old flames, who wouldn’t otherwise talk to them.
Most narcissists are happy to mingle with an ex they wronged in the past. They know they HAVE to be civil. And this gives them chance to work their magic.
A Chance To Take Centre Stage
Narcissists often like to read a eulogy at a funeral. I’ve seen them do this when they weren’t close enough to the deceased to warrant it.
Narcissists love taking centre stage. And a funeral is the perfect opportunity. They have a captive and generous audience. Everyone WILL compliment them on their “kind and compassionate words”.
If they don’t read a eulogy, they might meet and greet. Or help carry the coffin. And there’s loads of opportunity to mingle after the event.
Narcissists can impress those they haven’t seen for a while. And tell them how successful they are.
Narcissists Know How To Behave
Narcissists find it difficult knowing how to behave in emotional situations. They have impaired empathy, and make mistakes in unfamiliar circumstances.
For example, they might laugh when you tell them you failed your driving test. It’s not a common occurrence. And without time to think, they’re often clueless.
Deep down narcissists know they read situations wrong. But not a funeral.
It’s obvious how to act at a funeral. It’s a solemn affair, where you’re expected to look sad. And say how sorry you are for the loss. Hand shakes, hugs etc.
Narcissists take comfort in knowing how to handle the situation. There’s usually a few days notice before a funeral. So they can get their head round how to act.
Most narcissists are experienced funeral goers. And know how to respond appropriately. So they can relax, and enjoy themselves.
Shows They Have A Heart
Narcissists have “impaired empathy”. So they find it difficult to see things from other peoples perspective.
And because of this, most narcissists go through life being accused of being heartless. They don’t understand why you’re upset for failing an exam. In fact, they may find it funny.
Attending a funeral is a public show demonstrating they have feelings for others. Narcissists like to hide the fact they don’t feel for others. They try their best to appear “normal”.
There’s lots of people at a funeral who see the narcissist. And lots of people to convince they care.
Narcissists want people to like them. And they want people to think they care. A funeral gives them the perfect platform, in front of many eyes.
Feel Superior
As I’ve mentioned, narcissists have impaired empathy. And they don’t feel much towards others.
Narcissists consider feelings and empathy as weaknesses. Which is probably why they’ve learned to suppress them.
Narcissists see themselves as superior to the “emotional weaklings” around them. They’re above all that emotional nonsense. Although they’ll pretend they’re not.
A funeral is the perfect place to confirm their superiority. Everywhere there’s sad and emotional people. And the narcissist feels superior, stoic, and strong amongst the “weak”.
Final Thoughts
There’s many reasons why narcissists go out their way for funerals. They have a public event where everyone MUST be nice to them.
They get to dress up. Have opportunity to bump into old flames, and other former supplies. And can be centre of attention.
Narcissist usually portray themselves as caring and compassionate. That’s what they want everyone to believe.
But really they’re satisfying their own needs for attention, validation, and superiority. That’s why narcissists jump at the chance of attending funerals. It’s not for anybody else. It’s ALL about them.
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Excellent succinct description of these heartless shallow types.
Hi,
Sad topic but found this accurate in my case. My mother attended her first cousins funeral in her best fur coat. We live in Australia it really wasn’t even very cold, at all. It was just ridiculous to see her in this huge puffy white fur coat- at a funeral. Totally absurd. Seemed to be enjoying the experience. As you said-being able to position her self to the centre of attention. Gave her cousin, who was obviously very alone and depressed ZERO attention when he was alive the read a eulogy at the funeral. Its only in retrospect I realized how ridiculous it all is.
Thank you fot6this topic. I have always had an inkling about my ex and how he gets when someone dies. It was used as an opportunity to Hoover me so many times. Once at one if his friend’s mother’s wakes, he sat right at the entry boohooing…I’m not trying to be insensitive and say he wasn’t sad, but you should have seen all people that comforted him. Also, years ago when we were mardued and had been separated for about 6 months without him even talking to me, one of his older cousins died and he asked if our sons and I would accompany him to the funeral. We ended up sitting on the side front pew looking like a “family” even though he had left me and had been a total jerk. He lapped up attention.
Every single time someone died, he claimed he couldn’t sleep and “needed” me..no matter if he was close to that person or not.
Unfortunately there’s plenty of supply to be gained at a funeral.
My “mother” (I use quotes because I no longer consider her my mother) anyway she loves funerals & she darn sure makes sure she is the center of attention. Here’s what she would do, you can add to your list if you like.
“Mother” always always has to be the main attraction, center of attention, and it never seemed to bother her what kind of attention. In fact the worse the better. She always makes a HUGE HUGE scene. From her not being able to ride in the deceased’s family car to not being able to carry her can of soda to the burial. You can ALWAYS count on dear old “momma” to be difficult, unreasonable & that’s just her warm up. Yelling & screaming ensue until she believes she has everyone’s attention. She then goes in for the big con, big ole crocodile tears. How could anyone be so awful to someone who is obviously grieving the MOST! Victim act gains sympathy attention. Daughters, spouse, her mother & father-humiliated. (Why? Because it was one or all of us that wronged her on her very special day). Yes, we all dread funerals in my family for this reason. Btw, you or whom ever will listen will always here about how mistreated she was at each funeral for the the rest of time. Recently my dad & I have implemented a no “pity party patty” allowed rule for our funerals. Seriously!!! We have arranged for entrances to be blocked & guards posted letting people in. A guard at the door in case she slithers past the first one & of course guards at the burial site. I realize this sounds extreme, but short of having her vehicle dismantled the night before, we could do worse.
Willa
Some do anything to be centre of attention. I experienced something similar with my wedding. My narcissistic ex-mother-in-law tried her very best to cause an argument with the organisers. She wanted centre stage at her own daughters wedding! She kept calling it “my wedding” during the build up.
Not to mention the opportunity to feed on all that human pain…
My narc loved funerals ..he used them like a reunion..when his mother passed the scene was insane all 3 siblings seeking sorrow for each 1 had more grief then the next….they were passing out..hysterical…it was an amazing show
I LOVE this. My ex partner was always going to funerals – without me, of course.
I always suspected he loved dressing up in a smart suit and black coat and circulating amongst the mourners, coming across as a terribly good chap etc. This confirms it.
He would tell me afterwards how many people were so pleased to see him there.
He even tried to come to funerals of people I knew and he didn’t! I declined his offers.