When a narcissist ends a relationship, it’s like a bolt out the blue. Everything’s fine one minute (at least as fine as to be expected!), then BOOM, it’s over. Former partners are often left scratching their head wondering, “What happened?”
I’ve noticed that when narcissists end relationships, there’s usually no build up. No months of gradual deterioration. And no feelings of inevitability once they drop the bombshell.
I’ve also noticed narcissists are usually not truthful about the reasons for the breakup. They attempt to blame you. Or find an outside excuse “I want to focus on looking after my mother” Or other wishy washy reasons.
The sad truth is that narcissists often lie about why they’re breaking up. Why is this?
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Narcissists Have Other Options
Not all narcissists cheat, but a lot do. Narcissists usually end one relationship when they have another one lined up. They’re usually either cheating, or they have their eye on someone else.
Narcissists hate being single. So they rarely end a relationship without options. I’ve heard many stories of narcissists ending a long marriage, and moving in with someone else within a couple of weeks.
But why do they lie? Why not just tell the truth? Here’s a few reasons why narcissists lie about the breakup…
Don’t Want To Be In The “Wrong”
Narcissists hate being in the wrong. Or at least hate being seen as wrong.
They don’t want to admit they’ve found someone else. That would be admitting they’re “in the wrong”.
Narcissists rarely hold their hands up and admit fault. It’s a blow to their fragile ego. They’d rather lie to you, and themselves, about why they’re breaking up with you.
Narcissists hate being in the position of you being right and them being wrong. They like to win at EVERYTHING.
Narcissists Protect Their Image
Many narcissists are protective of their public image. And don’t want to risk it being tarnished.
They love to be admired by the public in general. And don’t want it getting out that they’re a cheater.
Narcissists know you might tell others what they’ve done. They no longer have the same control over someone after a split. They can’t censor them into keeping it a secret.
If they lie, it’s less likely to get out that they’re a cheater.
To Keep You As A Fall Back Plan
Narcissists know if they admit they’re cheating, or have found someone else, you’re not as likely to get back with them in the future.
Most narcissists hate being single. And they like to have as many options as possible, should things go wrong.
By lying about the reasons, and blaming you or some outside reason, they know they have a shot with you in the future. And why would a narcissist risk this this shot, at the expense of telling the truth?
Narcissists Put You On The Back Foot
Narcissists may blame YOU for the relationship ending. Even though it’s really because they’ve a new supply lined up.
They know this induces guilt and shame in you. And makes you look at YOUR faults, not theirs. Rather than questioning their worth, you soul search why you “failed”.
This keeps you wanting them. You forget about their faults, and feel guilty for yours.
And the narcissist knows if things don’t work out in their new venture, they can “forgive” you and get back with you. “I’ll give you another shot. But you’d better be perfect for me.”
Final Thoughts
Narcissists often lie about why they’re breaking up with someone. They know the real reason may tarnish their image. Plus it jeopardises their chances of a reunion. They like options.
They often blame YOU to make you feel guilty for how badly you’ve treated them. This guilt makes some people focus on their own alleged “faults”. And promise the narcissist they’ll change.
These “faults” are usually a clever ruse by the narcissist. They may say something like “You didn’t love me enough.” So if you ever get back together, they demand MORE love from you. And MORE obedience. And this is after they discarded you for someone else!
And because they lied, they don’t have to explain what THEY did wrong. Talk about having your cake and eating it! But that’s what narcissists do. It’s ALL about them and their needs.
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Ok so I have a question about the view that neighbors have. My neighbors have cameras and I am glad they do because I am always here by myself. The narc has fits all the time. We moved here 4 years ago. Do you think they are aware of his game?
I’m not sure I follow your question Connie?