You may have noticed if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, or even a casual relationship, they leave things at your house. It might be clothing, DVD’s, toiletries, or whatever.

Narcissists do most things for tactical advantage. And leaving belongings at your home is no exception.

There’s several benefits a narcissist gains when leaving things at your house. And these are all linked to their need to gain supply. Which is attention, control, and admiration.

So why do narcissists leave things at your house? You’re probably aware of some of the reasons. But one or two may surprise you. Here’s some of the main reason why narcissists leave things in your home…

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They Feel Entitled To

If you’re close to the narcissist, then it’s likely they feel a sense of ownership of you. Like you’re an extension of them. Like their car, washing machine, or toaster.

And since your house is an extension of you, then ipso facto YOUR house is an extension of THEM. So they feel entitled to leave whatever they want at your home. Because your home is their home.

Leaving things is convenient too. Especially if they visit often. They can have a home from home, complete with toothbrush, alcohol of their choice, and a cuddly toy. Well perhaps not a cuddly toy.

Leaving things is also a reminder, to themselves and to you, of their ownership of you. They’ve marked their territory. Which I suppose is better than peeing by your front door!

Marking Their Territory

Narcissists also mark their territory by leaving a message to potential rivals. They know that if you invite another love interest around, there’s evidence of them. So you may think twice before doing so.

And if you do invite a love interest around, you need to think ahead and hide their things. Then remember to put them back EXACTLY in the same place. Because narcissists are super sleuths, and will know if it’s been moved even a fraction of a millimetre.

And even if you successfully hide their things and return them, the narcissists still has you sneaking around from their preying eyes. And in your own home. So it still exercises control over you and your property.

In a similar way, narcissists may also turn up out the blue, uninvited. And this is a deliberate ploy to control you and your home.

They know this pressures you into refraining from inviting anyone over they may disapprove of. Because it would be awkward if they showed up, wouldn’t it?!

Narcissists will do these things in casual relationships. And even after a relationship has ended. A casual relationship for a narcissist means it’s casual for them, not you. And the relationship being over is for their convenience, not yours. They like to have their cake and eat it!

To Remind You Of Them

Narcissists also like to leave their things in your home as a reminder of them. They know that sentimental neuro-typicals look at items and feel an emotional connection to them. So they hope this helps you feel more connected to them. So you love and admire them more, as you gaze longingly at the shrine they’ve dumped in your home.

This also gives them fuel, knowing that you’re thinking about them when they’re absent. The last thing narcissists want is to be forgotten. They desperately want to matter. Because they need to believe they’re amazing. Leaving a permanent reminder ensures you won’t forget them.

For A Future Hoover

Probably the biggest reason narcissists leave things at your house is for insurance. If they p*ss you off and you end things, they have an excuse to call by to pick them up.

And of course they won’t just take their things and quietly leave. They have a chance to get in your head. Either by buttering you up, talking about the good times, pity play, intimidation, or whatever other means they know works on you.

And when they leave, they may “accidentally” forget their things. And have to come back yet again. So give them a reminder to take their stuff when they leave. I’m sure they’ll be happy you did!

To Test You

Leaving items in your home also acts as a test. And one you can’t win. This is how it works if you’ve split up but still have their stuff…

If you keep the items, and in tact, then in their mind it means you’re not over them. They’re encouraged by you keeping them. And think you must be pining for their return, waiting and hoping. Now here’s the clever part…

If you destroy their things, or throw them out, then the narcissist takes it as a crime of passion. Where you were so besotted with them, you flung them out in a fit of rage.

So either way the narcissist convinces themselves you desperately want them back. And awards themselves a nice little ego boost.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve fallen out with a narcissist and they’ve left things with you, then return them quickly. It’s best you don’t let them come round to pick them up. Because then you have to get rid of them when they inevitably over stay their welcome.

It’s much easier to take the items to them, and drop them off. Then you can leave whenever you want. Rather than have to shoehorn them out of your place.

Maybe leave their things in their front garden if it’s safe to do so. That way you can make your exit without giving them the chance to play mind games.

It’s probably best not to destroy the items, as tempting as it might be! Because it adds fuel to the fire.

The narcissist has an excuse to get angry with you. And may smear you to everyone who listens, about how you destroyed their stuff. Or worse still, use it as an excuse to treat you badly.

So quietly drop them off, preferably when they’re not around, then leave. Or give them to a mutual friend to drop off.

Keeping their things practically ensures their return at some point in the future. It could even be years down the line.

They have a ready made excuse to get in contact if you have anything of theirs. So if you want them out your life, kick their things out of it too.

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