Narcissists have a way of confusing those around them. Especially romantic partners. They talk a good game of being trustworthy. And they’re very believable. But your gut often says otherwise. This puts you in a strange place where you kind of trust them, and kind of don’t.

Most narcissists know what to say to portray themselves as honest and trustworthy. But act in ways that contradict this. And they sometimes do this deliberately to confuse and disorientate their “loved ones”. That’s because confused people are more controllable.

Here’s some of the things narcissists do that gives you nagging doubts that you can’t trust them…

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They Don’t Keep Promises

Narcissists are focussed on what they want right now. So they frequently make promises they don’t intend keeping.

Narcissists say what you want to hear to get their way. But once they’ve got what they want, they don’t feel the need to honour their promise. It’s not that they deliberately let you down. They just don’t care, because their focus is on themselves.

Narcissists lack empathy. So they don’t feel bad for letting you down. They might understand they shouldn’t do this. But it won’t keep them up at night. With narcissists, it’s a good idea to get them to honour their side of a bargain first.

Their Stories Don’t Add Up

Narcissists are constantly looking to gain advantages in almost everything they do. Their aim is to get as much as they can out of people, whilst giving as little as possible. And they don’t let the truth stand in their way.

Narcissists may tell you how bad their childhood was one day, if they want your sympathy. But the next they’ll say how great it was, if it’s to their advantage. They happily change their tune to fit their current agenda.

Narcissists are a walking contradiction. They’re so focussed on getting what they want, they don’t really know what the truth is. They change things to suit what they want at any given moment.

Naturally you notice their inconsistencies. And if you challenge them, they usually turn things round. They might accuse you of not trusting them. And ask why you’re keeping tabs on everything they say. Or they may use flawed logic to explain themselves. But deep down you sense something doesn’t quite add up. And this naturally affects your trust in them.

They Say One Thing, But Do Another

What narcissists say, and what they do, are sometimes polar opposites. They might for example tell you how important their family is. But never bother to visit them. Or how they love reading, but you never actually see them reading a book.

Subconsciously you pick up on their incongruence’s. Your brain automatically notices something’s not quite right. And you get a gut feeling they can’t be trusted.

They Flirt Openly

Many narcissists flirt in front of their partners. They may do this subtly. But if they think they can get away with it, they do it more openly.

Narcissists love the attention. But they also like to show their partners they’re a highly sought after prize. So you should keep on your toes, and provide them with everything they demand. Or risk losing them.

The narcissists wants you to distrust them a little. Here’s why…

They Don’t Want Your Trust

In a strange way, narcissists want you to mistrust them. They talk a good game about how they’re always there for you. How they’d never cheat on you etc. But they present something different. Someone who you’re not quite sure whether to trust. And this is deliberate.

They want you split as to whether you can trust them. They want you to be naggingly unsure. Because this leaves you confused. And like I said before, a confused person is more controllable.

If you’re too settled and content, they can’t push your buttons as easily. Narcissists love making their partners feel jealous for a few reasons. First it shows you care about them. A jealous person is only that way because they care. If you didn’t care about them, you wouldn’t feel jealous.

Also someone who’s jealous and doesn’t trust their partner is more keen to spend time with them. Because they worry what they get up to when they’re not around. Narcissists deliberately create these conditions, and play on them. They know they can do what they want. And you will jump at the chance to spend time with them if they snap their fingers.

And these feelings are often misinterpreted as deep feelings of love. Because it makes you think about them all the time. And crave their presence. But really you’re confused and untrusting. And that’s part of the plan.

Final Thoughts

Narcissists are difficult to trust because, well…they’re not very trustworthy. But they also deliberately contribute to this because they want you to be unsure you can trust them.

Narcissists like being in the position where you’re suspiciously watching them, whilst they “innocently” go about doing whatever they want. They want you to be worried when you’re not together. To pine for their attention. And to try hard not to lose them. That way they hold most of the power.

They might hint that their friend of the opposite sex fancies them. But accuse you of being controlling and jealous if you suggest they shouldn’t spend so much time together. They might flirt right in front of you. But so subtly, you can’t quite put your finger on it. And play all sorts of tricks to get you jealous and mistrusting them.

The narcissist gets you questioning yourself. Are they trustworthy, or are they not? Am I paranoid? Is it me? Making you torn and confused. Unsure if they’re the angel they say they are. Or the devil you deep down suspect.

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