It’s likely that at some point you’ve had a narcissist neighbour. If you were lucky, then you didn’t known they were a narcissist. And things went smoothly. You may even have found them charming and helpful. But if you weren’t so fortunate, then it may have been hell.
Narcissist neighbours can go from one extreme to the other. They can seem like the nicest person on the block. Or the most cantankerous.
Narcissists have an easy time hiding their narcissism from neighbours. Because the contact is limited. So they can put on a smile as they walk from their house to their car.
Other narcissists don’t hide their narcissism, because they’re not interested in impressing their neighbours. And may be a nuisance to everyone. But most commonly, narcissists are OK with the majority of their neighbours, but single out one or two to have conflicts with.
This article discusses what’s going on with narcissist neighbours. And why they have different approaches…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
The Hidden Narcissist Neighbour
Some narcissists like to maintain a positive façade amongst their neighbours. And this is very doable, because interactions are usually brief. A friendly “hello” when passing in the street, and agreeing to take in the odd parcel usually suffices.
Some narcissists go further, and bend over backwards to help their neighbours. They’re always willing to help. And do so with a smile on their face.
Some take it further, and become involved with the church and local charities. And enjoy a well respected reputation within their community. But this is all a front.
It’s usually behind closed doors that narcissists let out their narcissistic behaviours. So they may treat their neighbours better than their own family.
But given enough time, their mask usually slips. And you see glimpses of their narcissistic self. Ultimately it’s who they are.
So even if they’re friendly with you, it’s still best to keep them at arms length. And not get too close. Because familiarity can breed contempt when it comes to narcissists. And they could turn on you at any moment.
Nosey
Narcissists have poor boundary recognition. And many can’t resist poking their nose into their neighbours affairs.
Narcissists may spy out their windows, hoping to catch someone out. Or look through their bins for incriminating evidence.
Narcissists like to be one-up on people. And they love catching someone doing something they shouldn’t. Because in their mind it confirms their superior status. Because they can take the moral high ground, and look down their nose at them.
The nosey narcissist may gossip their findings to other neighbours. Under the pretence that they’re well meaning and concerned. But really they’re basking in the glory of someone’s downfall.
Competitive
Narcissists are competitive by nature. They believe they’re superior, and entitled to more than everyone else. So they look at what people have, and compare.
Their nosey nature smacks them in the face when they see someone has more than them. They may discover that a neighbour has a new high paid job. Or a fancy new car. And this threatens their delusions of superiority. Because how can they be superior if someone has more than them?
This may cause the narcissist to pull out all the stops to one-up them. And they may land themselves in huge debt, just to outdo their neighbours.
If the narcissist can’t compete, then they may go rogue. And look to tear them down instead.
Single Out A Neighbour
A narcissist may decide to single out a neighbour. And treat them badly, whilst maintaining their positive façade with the rest of the neighbourhood.
The neighbour may have offended the narcissist by their new extension. Or their latest luxury holiday.
The neighbour may have actually done something wrong. Such as played loud music. But the narcissist takes this to extremes and paints them black. So EVERYTHING they do is seen in the worst possible light. Even if it was a one-off mistake. And the narcissist makes it their mission to cause them misery.
Nit Picking
The narcissist may decide to nit pick a neighbour. And find fault in everything they do.
They may stick their ear to the adjoining wall to listen for the faint sound of music. Then complain about it blasting their ears. They may complain about where they park their car. Even though it’s causing no problem. Or where they put their rubbish bins.
The narcissist finds every excuse under the sun to complain. And may share their complaints with the rest of the neighbourhood. Making themselves seem like the poor innocent victim.
The narcissist builds a convincing case to paint them as a bad neighbour. Usually exaggerating any “problems” they discover. And presenting them in a dramatic way to maximise the effect. Sometimes they go as far as provoking the neighbour, to cause more trouble to complain about.
Territorial
Some narcissists are incredibly territorial. And cause a huge fuss over the most minor boundary transgressions.
They may complain that a neighbours cat has walked on their lawn. Or that they park their car in front of their house. Despite it being legal.
They may even refuse to return balls that land on their property. Because it has invaded their precious space. I remember one narcissist neighbour would cut balls in half before throwing them back.
Some narcissists have unrealistic expectations about not being affected by their neighbours. Not appreciating that there should be some give and take. And may complain about the sound of children playing in the afternoon. Or a plant that hangs two inches over their fence.
Living near a neighbour like this can be hell. Because you’re constantly walking on egg shells. Worried that anything you do may provoke an avalanche of abuse. And it’s even worse if the neighbours believes their propaganda, because not only are you being targeted, but you’re also seen as the problem.
Lower Functioning Narcissist Neighbours
Lower functioning narcissist neighbours are perhaps the worst. Because they don’t care about their reputation. So there’s little to reign them in.
These narcissists may allow their homes to fall into disrepair. Without a care in the world of how it affects others.
They may allow rubbish to build up in their garden, attracting pests. Blast out music at all hours of the night. And be a general nuisance with their antisocial behaviours.
If they’re malignant, then they may deliberately destroy others property. And hurl insults for no apparent reason.
You can’t reason with people like this, because they feel entitled to do as they please. And they don’t care what anyone thinks.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists sometimes make good neighbours if they want to be a local hero. And you may be unaware they’re a narcissist if you’re on their good side. But they can make your life hell if they target you.
At some point, narcissists usually find a reason to dislike someone. And once they do, they don’t let it go.
The narcissist may run a campaign of terror. Phoning the Police, Council, Environmental Health etc. over trivial matters. And they may smear their name to the whole neighbourhood.
Fighting a narcissist neighbour is pointless. Because they relish the conflict, whilst you suffer. And anything you say gives them fuel to provoke you some more.
Staying calm is usually the best strategy. Because it doesn’t feed their need for drama. And hopefully they get bored, and leave you alone.
If you’re in regular conflict with a narcissist neighbour, then it’s probably best to pack your bags and leave. Because it’s not worth the stress, and they’re unlikely to change.
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