At the beginning of a narcissist relationship, you may feel like the happiest person alive. They spend every waking moment with you. Call you and message you all the time. Lavish you with praise. And say that you’re soul mates. Then things change.

You suddenly feel abandoned. They’re cold and distant. And the once lavish praise is replaced by criticism and sly digs.

Is a discard on it’s way?

As you’re probably aware, narcissist relationships have a fairly predictable pattern. They usually love bomb at the beginning. Then when they feel they have you hooked, the devaluation begins. This sometimes deteriorates further into a discard. But not always.

Here’s some things to look out for if you suspect a narcissist might be ready to discard you…

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Do They Have The Opportunity For An Affair?

Most narcissists only discard their current primary partner if they’ve found a more suitable replacement. Because they don’t like being alone.

“More suitable” usually means more controllable. But it could also be someone who’s wealthier or more glamorous, if that’s what floats their boat. And this replacement may be someone they’re having an affair with, or one of their numerous friends that they flirt with.

Narcissists don’t look for mutual love. They want someone to use and abuse. And if they see someone who’s more compliant, then they’re usually sold.

That’s why a narcissist might discard you for someone who’s less attractive. Has less personality. And is less successful. Many narcissists prefer someone they can control. So don’t be fooled into thinking they won’t replace you with their unattractive “friend”.

If you feel a discard is on the way, look for signs they’re having an affair. Or that they’re getting closer to someone else. Even if they don’t seem like a good fit.

They Suddenly Treat You Worse

Narcissists don’t care about anyone but themselves. And the only thing that stops them from being totally abusive is self interest.

As I mentioned earlier, narcissists hate being alone. And they understand that if they treat you too badly, you’d be long gone.

So the narcissist maximises the situation. They do this by treating you as badly as they can get away with. They find your line, and largely treat you a smidgen better than this. So they can use and abuse you as much as possible, without quite pushing you away.

Sometimes the narcissist gets too big for their boots, and oversteps the mark. But they usually realise this. And may treat you better for a while. Just to keep you sweet.

When a discard is on its way, the narcissist suddenly treats you much worse. And sustains it. Because they no longer care what you think, as they have nothing to lose. Common decency doesn’t come into it.

This differs from neuro-typicals in the same position. Because they usually feel bad when they’re about to end a relationship. So they treat their partners better to alleviate their guilt.

The Narcissist Becomes Less Controlling

When a discard is imminent, narcissists surprisingly become LESS controlling. In the past they may have given you a hard time if came home from work ten minutes late. Or if you didn’t answer their messages straight away.

But now the narcissist doesn’t care. They’re not as worried about losing you. And they usually have another piece of property to worry about. And because they’re “in the moment” people, they don’t even hide this sudden change in attitude.

The narcissist might even encourage you to see your friends. And pay no attention to where you’ve been, or with who. Because they’ve got bigger fish to fry.

At its extreme, the narcissist may even encourage you to have an affair. Because then it would be your fault the relationship broke down. And not theirs.

The Narcissists Mask Is Dropped

During the discard phase, narcissists often completely change their behaviour and personality. They may drink more. Stay up later. And do even less around the house.

Things they used to enjoy with you no longer interest them. And they may react angrily when you suggest doing something.

Narcissists are well accustomed to wearing a mask, and pretending to be someone they’re not. To casual acquaintances, they may come across as kind, funny, and helpful. To those closer to them, they may reveal their darker side. But usually not all of it. Because they know you’d run a mile if they did.

But now they’re about to discard you, they can reveal more of their ugly side. Because they no longer care what you think. Or whether you leave. So you begin to see a character transformation. And it’s not pretty.

You See Them Less

When a discard is on its way, you’re likely to see much less of the narcissist. They might suddenly have to work late most evenings. Or spend more time with their friends.

Whilst the narcissist may or may not be having an affair, it’s clear that they no longer value spending time with you. And they may cancel plans last minute, just to spend time with other people.

Smear Campaign

Narcissists know that when a relationship ends, their secrets may be revealed. So they sometimes plan ahead by engaging in a smear campaign – BEFORE the relationship has ended.

The narcissist hopes to let the world know that you’re jealous, crazy, difficult, etc. This is for two reasons.

The first is so they seem justified in discarding you. Like they had little choice because of your behaviours.

This allows them to save face. And gives the appearance that the split was your fault. And not them trading you in.

The second is to tarnish your reputation. So that no one listens if you reveal what they were really like behind closed doors. Then their public reputation remains in tact.

So if you find the narcissist suddenly criticising you to others, then it’s a sign a discard is on its way.

Final Thoughts

When a narcissist discards you, it’s not your fault. Although they’re likely to blame you.

Narcissists have no loyalty or love for others. And as with any relationship, things can’t stay as fresh and exciting as the day you first met.

So the narcissist inevitably gets cold feet, and looks for “better” options. Especially if you’re not as controllable as they like.

Once the narcissist finds someone, they coldly discard you. Like someone might discard an old toaster or kettle. They don’t even do it nicely.

That’s because narcissists see people as commodities to be used. Rather than fellow human beings, with thoughts and feelings.

Whilst it feels awful when a narcissist discards you, look on the bright side. They’ve done you a favour.

The narcissist was leeching off you the whole time. And had no real love or connection with you. Which is why they can coldly replace you. But now they’ve discarded you, they’ve set you free.

The sad thing is that your replacement probably thinks they’ve found “the one”. And may be head over heels in love. But as sure as day becomes night, the same will happen to them. And when it does, don’t be surprised if the narcissist comes back, knocking on your door.

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