Future faking is a powerful technique narcissists use for control. In a nutshell, they establish control in the present by promising things in the future. Usually with no intention of honouring these promises.

A simple example would be asking to borrow money, with the promise of paying back next Tuesday. The narcissist gets the money now by uttering a few words about a future event – paying you back. But when it’s time to pay back, instead of offering you money, they offer excuses.

In another example, a narcissist may secretly have a harem of lovers. So have little time for you. To string you along, they talk about how one day they’ll whisk you away to a life of luxury. They just have a few things they need to tie up first. But of course this never happens.

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Examples Of Future Faking

To put things into perceptive, here’s a few examples of future faking. If you’ve been close to a narcissist, then you may have experienced some of these scenarios…

Quit Drinking Or Drugs

Narcissists with addictions often future fake that they’re going to quit. They know you desperately want them to stop. And this gives them power.

Narcissists use a promise to quit to gain money or favours from loved ones. And at the very least, their promises get them off their backs for a while.

They may for example ask for money for one last night before they give up. And because you want them to quit, you reluctantly agree.

Even though you’re sceptical, you hope your act of kindness inspires them to quit after one last hurrah. But of course, they had no intention of quitting. They just wanted you to fund their latest binge.

Promotion At Work

A narcissist boss may promise a high flying position in the future. But in the meantime, they want your loyalty. Which essentially means becoming their slave.

The narcissist boss expects you to work long hours for no extra pay. And do all the unpleasant tasks they won’t touch.

Of course this promotion NEVER comes. Why should it? There’s no written agreement. And if they promote you, they lose their beast of burden.

The promise of a promotion is more motivatory than an actual promotion. And is far cheaper, and keeps them hungry to impress.

Like the landlord example earlier, the more the employee invests, the more they stand to lose. Effectively trapping them in the future fake. Because it’s difficult to walk away after years of sacrifice.

Bad Relationships

After the initial honeymoon period of a romantic relationship, narcissists get to work and role out their narcissistic ways. If their partner threatens to leave, they promise to change. And sometimes they do – temporarily. But it doesn’t last long.

Their partner lives in hope that the narcissist matures and improves over time. So they put up with bad treatment for years.

Again because of the investments they’ve made, plus the odd glimmer of hope, it’s difficult to walk away. So they put up with the bad relationship. Living in hope that things will improve.

The “Other” Person

If a narcissist is indulging in an affair, they may realise their affair won’t stick around forever in this role.

To keep them, the narcissist promises the Earth. How they’ll one day run away together and live an idyllic life. And promise anything their affair wants to hear.

They may say they’re waiting for their children to grow up. Or pretend their partner is ill, so they must wait until the time is right.

Their affair lives for a fictitious moment in the future. Waiting for their hopes and dreams to be realised. Meanwhile the narcissist enjoys keeping them on a string, leading a double life.

Last Will And Testament

A classic narcissist parent trick is to dangle their will in front of their children. And tell them that if they do as they’re told, they get more than their siblings.

The narcissist uses this to triangulate their children, and play them off against each other. And to gain their obedience. And it costs them nothing in this life, except a few words. And this is one promise no one can EVER hold them to account for!

Why Future Faking Works

Future faking is a successful tool for manipulation for a few reasons…

Falling For Their Façade

Narcissists often cultivate a façade that they’re honest and decent people. They may talk about how much they love their children. How deeply religious they are. Or the charity work they’re involved with. And it’s easy to get sucked in.

Narcissists spend inordinate amounts of time pretending to be someone they’re not. And they learn what to say to create the impression of being paragons of virtue.

When a narcissist future fakes, it’s easy to believe, because you have little reason to doubt them. Why would such an upstanding pillar of the community lie so blatantly?

Your Empathy

It’s also easy to fall prey for future faking because of your empathy. YOU would never promise something you had no intention of delivering. So you assume others think the same. And most people do – if they’re not narcissists.

If you fall for future faking, you probably didn’t know they were a narcissist. Or if you did, you didn’t understand how they operate. So you assumed they act in good faith. Especially if you’re close to them. Who would take advantage of a partner/friend/lover/child etc.?

The narcissist relies on you thinking they’re more honest than they are. And they know that in your world, people don’t future fake. So they catch you with your pants down.

Wishful Thinking

Narcissists learn your motivations, and your hopes and dreams. Not because they care, but to use them against you.

Narcissists make seductive promises to fulfil your dreams. And even if you doubt them, it’s hard to resist.

The allure of fulfilling your dreams is like a drug. And the fantasy is as exciting as the real thing. Sometimes more so. Which makes it difficult to let go and call them out on their BS.

Admitting you’ve been played is a crash back to Earth. And many people don’t want to face this reality. And you can hardly blame them.

Instead they kid themselves that the narcissist will come good on their promises. And live in hope that their dreams will one day be fulfilled.

Why People Repeatedly Fall For Future Faking

Future faking is not always a one-off strategy. People repeatedly fall for future faking. Even with the same narcissist. And the same lies.

Logic says that once someone’s been tricked, they won’t fall for it again. But they often do, and many times over. There’s a few reasons for this…

Accumulation Of “Debt”

Once you’ve been taken advantage of a few times, a strange thing occurs. The victim feels beholden. Like they mustn’t fall out with the narcissist. Because they don’t want to lose what they’ve invested. This may include time and effort, as well as money.

A narcissist I knew owed his landlord several months rent. And instead of feeling bad, he felt empowered. He told me that the landlord would never throw him out, because then he would lose all the rent owed.

So the more he owed, the more powerful he became. Because the landlord had more to lose.

The narcissist kept promising to pay the arrears “soon”. And dangled the carrot, saying he was waiting for a pay out. The landlord reluctantly accepted this, through fear of losing it all. But of course the longer he waited, the more he lost.

Make Excuses For Them

If you’re close to the narcissist, then it’s easy to make excuses for them. Again, you may not know they’re a narcissist. And you may believe their “nice” façade. Or at least in part.

It’s easy to reason they’re going through a tough time. Especially if they play the victim. Or believe they’re a “lovable rogue”, or a bit scatter brained.

Whatever excuse you make, the narcissist accepts. Because it gets them off the hook. This can lead to a rare moment where they’re self depreciating, and agree they have a negative trait, “You know what I’m like.”

But they’re not being self depreciating, and certainly aren’t looking to self reflect and improve. They know that admitting a fault gives them a free pass.

Lovely empathetic people accept them for who they are, warts and all. And understand that no one’s perfect. So they forgive their “mistake” over and over again.

Future Faking Becomes Normalised

After a while, the narcissist’s failure to deliver becomes normalised. And you may hardly notice it any more.

Narcissists have a knack of living by a different set of rules. Through repetition, and acting like it’s no big deal, it’s easy to be sucked in. And just accept it’s what they do.

Denial

No one likes having the wool pulled over their eyes. It’s a raw feeling when you’ve been hoodwinked. And rather than face the pain of admitting they’ve been fooled, many people live in denial.

Avoiding the truth, they bury their heads in the sand and carry on. And hope that their gut feelings are wrong. But deep down they know they’re being played.

Psychology

If you’ve had enough and challenge the narcissist, then expect them to pull out psychological tricks to deter you. Because they’re not giving up a successful strategy without a fight.

They may accuse you of dwelling on the past. Being unforgiving. Or throw some “wrong” in your face you’ve supposedly committed in the past.

This makes people drop the accusations, and accept the future faking. Because it’s not worth the hassle of challenging it. And the narcissist can get back to work with their empty promises.

Final Thoughts

Future faking is a powerful tool for control and manipulation. Narcissists find what your heart desires, then promises it in the future. But in the meantime, they cash in.

Narcissists may throw the odd bone, and make good on some promises. But only to keep you biting for longer.

We assume narcissists are normal functioning people. Who feel bad when they’ve taken too much. So we live in hope that one day they’ll come good on their promises. Because that’s the normal pattern we’re used to.

Narcissists exploit this loophole, and play the role of someone with empathy. And string us along for as long as they can with empty promises.

Once you’re drawn in, it’s difficult to walk away. You’ve invested so much time, money, and energy, that you don’t want to lose it all. And that’s the glue that binds so many people to narcissists.

As painful as it is, you must cut your loses and walk away. And accept that you won’t receive your due.

To stay means you lose more money, time, and energy. And all you gain is a longer list of unfulfilled promises, and broken dreams.

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