Understanding narcissists facade management greatly improves your overall understanding of how they operate. Because facade management affects almost everything they do – whether good or bad.

Facade management stops people recognising narcissists’ behaviours and their intentions. Allowing them to infiltrate lives, manipulate, and take advantage.

Narcissists essentially lead dual lives. They have their facade that they present to the outside world. Which is usually someone relatively normally functioning, who can be trusted. Then there’s their narcissistic self, that is hidden beneath.

We all maintain facades that we present to the outside world. But in the narcissists case, the difference between their facade and their inner self is wildly different. Much bigger than with neuro-typicals.

Different narcissists handle their facades differently. But once you understand the basic principals, you’re better equipped to recognise and understand them. And this allows you to spot narcissists more easily. And predict what they’re going to do next.

So without further ado, here’s some things you need to know about narcissists and their façade management…

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Lower Functioning Narcissists

Lower functioning narcissists place less importance on façade management. They’re often petty criminals, who steal from family and friends, and get caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

They’re frequently in trouble with the law. And ostracised by family and friends, because they’ve wronged so many people.

These narcissists are impulsive. They don’t think through the consequences, and don’t take much of a risk/reward approach.

Lower functioning narcissists frequently reveal themselves and their narcissistic ways. And may be blatant bully’s, and unpleasant to be around.

Lower functioning narcissists often become so unpopular that their only choice is to associate with other lower functioning narcissists. Because no one else will go near them.

They may live in substandard housing. Look dishevelled. And have little to offer the world. And they’re clearly selfish people who can’t be trusted.

Covert And Higher Functioning Narcissists

Covert and higher functioning narcissists place a bigger value on their façade. And only trade their façade in when the risk is low, and the rewards are high. And they do this much less frequently than lower functioning narcissists. Rolling the dice only when necessary.

These narcissists appear neuro-typical most of the time. Because they understand the importance of maintaining a good façade. And winning people over to get what they want. So they learn how to act “normal”, and stay in character.

Covert and higher functioning narcissists can fool close friends and family for years. They may have no idea they’re dealing with a narcissist. Because they rarely reveal their true narcissistic selves, and they’re good at covering up their narcissistic behaviours when they do.

The Trade

Most narcissists lie somewhere between these two extremes. And may fluctuate, depending on their mood, and what’s going on in their life. But one things all narcissists have in common is they’re all out for themselves. And don’t care how their actions affect others.

When a narcissist sees something they want, they must make a decision. Do they risk trading their façade in for it? Or wait for a bigger prize?

If you leave your wallet where they have access, a lower functioning narcissist may take from it. They don’t think about the consequences, and don’t care as much about getting caught. So their eyes are firmly on the prize.

A lower functioning narcissist is more likely to steal your money, and you either catch them, or strongly suspect they were the culprit.

A higher functioning narcissist may resist the urge to steal. Deciding that a few notes is not worth smearing their good name over. Because they understand that they need people onside, to get more of what they want.

This trade also extends to other narcissistic behaviours, such as selfishness, smearing, bullying etc. And higher functioning narcissists are more likely to resist the urge of doing these things, unless the risk of revealing themselves is low, and the rewards are high.

But even high functioning narcissists trade their façade in from time to time. They may act more narcissistic around close family. Because they know they won’t tell others. Or take something with a high reward, when there’s little chance of getting caught.

But if they’re caught, higher functioning narcissists often get away with it. Because people are shocked by their “uncharacteristic” behaviour. And believe their apologies, lies, and cover ups.

Alcohol And Drugs

Some narcissists protect their façade by using alcohol. And you may recognise people who do this…

The narcissist presents themselves as a good person when sober, but a terrible drunk. Like the alcohol turns them into a nasty person. But there’s a clue in what’s really going on.

A “good person” wouldn’t drink if they knew it turned them into a monster. Because that monster hurts other people. And they certainly wouldn’t be drinking all the time, which is what many do. So what’s really going on?

The reality is that the narcissist is using alcohol to cover up their narcissism. Once they’ve had a drink, they can act as narcissistic as they like. And people assume it was the drink. So when they sober in the morning, their façade is left intact.

People are more forgiving with drunken misbehaviour. And give them a free pass. Because allegedly it was “The drinks fault”.

Some narcissists even pretend to be more drunk than they really are. Then they can be disruptive, obnoxious, and take centre stage. And have the perfect excuse in the morning.

Other Covers

Narcissists find many more covers for when they let their their façade slip. They might become heavily involved in religion. So people automatically assume they must be a good person. And interpret everything they do in a better light. Even when they display haughty and controlling behaviours.

Narcissists may find employment in areas where they’re considered a good person. Such as law or medicine. And their bad behaviours can be chalked up to stress, or working in “mysterious ways” for some unknown good.

Selective Façade

Narcissists often protect their façade by carefully selecting who they show their narcissistic side to. For example, they might be sweetness and light in front of their superiors at work. But a cruel bully to their subordinates.

Narcissists typically drop their façade around people they think don’t matter. But keep it water tight around people they want to impress. So they often receive mixed reviews.

But importantly for them, narcissists receive praise from higher ranking people that “matter”. And sadly this praise often trumps the criticisms they receive from the “lower minions”.

Illness, Age, Or Unfortunate Events

When bad times befalls narcissists, some recognise this as the perfect chance to drop their façade, and unleash their narcissistic side.

Narcissists know that bad times provide the perfect smokescreen. And allows them to be abusive and get away with it.

This is why some narcissists act “strange” when seriously ill, or elderly. Or when something has happened to them. People assume their condition is affecting their behaviour. But really they’re taking advantage of their situation, and deliberately unleashing their narcissistic side.

And people naturally make excuses for them. Because unlike narcissists, they don’t want to kick someone when they’re down.

Slip Ups

Pretending you’re someone you’re not is draining. And no matter how skilled and motivated the narcissist, they make mistakes. And may “uncharacteristically” display narcissistic behaviours, when they don’t plan to.

It can be shocking how much a narcissist appears to suddenly change from someone sweet and kind, into a raging monster. But they haven’t really changed, they’ve revealed who they really are.

Naturally, people are confused. And resolve their confusion by making excuses for the narcissist. Usually involving stress or mental health issues.

Or they may even question their own perceptions. And think they must have interpreted things wrong. And often the narcissist escapes with minimal damage to their façade. Especially if they’re higher functioning.

Excuses

Narcissists have a myriad of excuses to protect their façade when they’ve behaved badly. And if someone makes excuses for them, they’ll gladly play along.

Stress is an easy go-to. As is any mental health issues they may (or may not) be suffering with.

And because the narcissist probably doesn’t act narcissistic all the time, it’s easy to believe their claims. And consider their behaviours “uncharacteristic” and deserving of explanation.

But really these thoughts were with them all the time. They were just waiting for the right moment to act on them. Or they slipped up and accidentally, unleashed the beast.

Run Away

If a narcissist behaves particularly badly and their façade takes a pounding, they may run away. The narcissist may move out the area, or lay low for a while.

Narcissists know that time is a great healer. And after a while the emotions die down. And their actions are consigned to the dim and distant past.

This eventually paves the way for them to make their glorious return. Acting like nothing’s happened. And if their past conduct is mentioned, they can muddy the waters with lies and half truths, due to everyone’s hazy recollections.

Final Thoughts

It’s amazing how so many narcissists fool even close family and friends for years. And get away with people believing their false façade is who they really are.

At its total extreme, narcissists may be the person who neighbours say were a delight, only to find they were a depraved killer. But more commonly, narcissists present a nice image publicly, but are uncaring, rude, and sometimes cruel to their loved ones.

Narcissists are around us in many guises. They might be your family doctor. A work colleague. Or even a close friend. And you might have no idea they’re a narcissist. That’s how good their façade management can be.

But now you know about their façade management, you can look for clues. And spot their mistakes. And remember not to assume that the person presented before you is necessarily who they really are. Because behind the mask, a narcissist may be lurking.

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