Projection is a defence mechanism where someone projects their negative traits onto others. And accuses them of having their faults. And narcissists do this more than most, either consciously or subconsciously.
Narcissists project their faults because they don’t like admitting they’re flawed. Instead they kid themselves that they’re perfect. So they seek refuge in blaming others for their own shortcomings. Rather than face up to them.
Projection also creates a useful smokescreen for narcissists. Because when they accuse someone, that persons attention is turned to either defending themselves or on introspection. And whilst they’re busy looking inward, they miss the narcissists faults.
Projection allows narcissists to hide in plain site. And get away with their narcissistic and selfish behaviours. Because people are distracted by their accusations. Plus they assume that they don’t have the traits they criticise others for. Because that would be hypercritical, right?!
Projection can have a similar affect as gaslighting. Because their false accusations may challenge the recipient’s sense of reality. And make them doubt their sense of reality.
So it’s important to recognise projection. Because when you do, it takes away it’s power, and it protects you from manipulation and harm. So here’s a run down of what narcissists commonly project onto others…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
You’re Having An Affair
Perhaps the most common example of narcissist projection is accusing their partners of having an affair. And without a shred of evidence, or any past behaviours to back it up.
If a narcissist randomly accuses you of having an affair, then they may be projecting their own affair onto you. The narcissist may feel shame, or may want to throw you off the scent. So they accuse you of having an affair to distract you from their suspicious behaviours.
These random accusations can be upsetting and confusing. Because no one wants to be accused of something like that, when they’ve done nothing wrong.
Projections of affairs can be distressing for their partner, because they desperately want to clear their name. And the strong emotions it arouses, stops them thinking straight. And they fail to see what the narcissist is up to.
You’re The Narcissist
I’ve noticed that many narcissists seem educated in issues related to narcissism. They may have read up on narcissism, sociopathy, empathy, psychopathy etc. And deep down they sense something’s not right about them.
To deflect attention away from their narcissism, they often accuse their partners of being narcissists. And a convincing case is relatively easy, because no one’s perfect. And everyone needs a bit of selfishness to survive.
If you’re in a close relationship with a narcissist, then they’re bound to see your flaws. And sometimes you must act in your own interests to get by in life. But this can be deliberately misinterpreted as narcissism. And used as evidence against you.
Narcissists may also project their narcissism for tactical advantage. If they can worry their partner into thinking they’re a narcissist, then they can use this to gain compliance. Because whenever they don’t do as they’re told, the narcissist accuses them of narcissism.
Everyone’s Jealous Of Me
Narcissists have delusions of superiority. And expect to be the best at almost everything. But that’s impossible. Which leaves them jealous of others.
But narcissists don’t want to admit they’re jealous. Either to themselves or others. Because that would be admitting they’re inferior. So they project their jealousy onto others to cope with their feelings of inferiority.
You may hear them talk about about how people at work are jealous of their success. Or how friends are jealous of their good looks. And when you hear this, it’s likely they’re projecting their own insecurities.
You’re Selfish
Narcissists love projecting their selfish ways onto others. First, because they’re in denial. And second, because it encourages others to give them more.
If a narcissist can make a kind empathetic person believe they’re selfish, then they’ve hit the jackpot. Because this kind person already gives a lot. And now they’ll give more.
Narcissist don’t want equality in their relationships. They want to dominate. And if they can squeeze more out of someone, then they will.
You’re Stingy
Narcissists often throw money around like confetti. But are stingy at the same time. They might have no problem spending money on themselves. But are less enthusiastic about spending it on others. Especially their own family.
The narcissists reckless spending hides their stingy nature. Because people assume they’re not stingy if they blow their cash. But what they don’t notice is that it’s mostly on themselves.
Narcissists blur the lines between “stingy” and “frugal”. And if you’re in a close relationship with a narcissist, you’re probably frugal out of necessity, to counterbalance their reckless spending. But that doesn’t mean you’re stingy.
Being stingy means you don’t give to others. You’re not generous. And there’s nothing generous about a narcissist spending all the cash on themselves. Especially whilst their partners are left with scraps.
But the narcissist cleverly hides this by repeatedly accusing their partner of being stingy. When all they’re trying to do is make ends meet.
You’re Always Complaining
Narcissists complain about the most trivial things. From your choice of toilet paper, to how you forgot to lock the front door 3 months ago. Yet when you complain, all hell breaks loose.
Narcissists feel entitled to complain about anything and everything. Because the world should revolve around them. But they don’t accept complaints against themselves. Because they don’t take responsibility for their actions. Meaning that in their world they can complain, but you can’t.
To create this situation, narcissists project their complaining. And chastise you for “always complaining” whenever you want to discuss a problem. Hypercritically complaining about your complaining!
You Don’t Listen
Most narcissists are better talkers than listeners. And they feel that what they say is vitally important. But what you say is drivel. If you’ve been in a long relationship with them, then they may flatly ignore you when you speak.
Narcissists can dominate conversations for hours. And when you finally get a word in edgeways, accuse you of talking too much, and not listening.
This projection is their way of maintaining control over the conversational floor. And ensuring that they do all the talking, whilst you do all the listening.
You’re Always Ill
Narcissists are takers, and expect special treatment. To achieve this, many fake or exaggerate illness. Then play the poor victim to have people wait on them. But they don’t like it when the roles are reversed.
Narcissists often get angry when their loved ones are ill. Because they’re no use to them in that state. And more than that, they might expect the narcissist to help them. Fat chance of that happening!
Instead narcissists project their hypochondria onto their partners. And accuse them of “always being ill”. And use this projection as an excuse not to help them. Even though the narcissist is ill 10 times more often.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists project their faults onto others because they don’t want to admit they’re flawed. And also to create a smokescreen to distract from their own behaviours.
Narcissists cleverly blame people for things they do themselves. And this causes their empathetic loved ones to worry about their own behaviours, even when they shouldn’t.
Narcissists use projections to control and manipulate. And their reckless use also causes collateral damage, because they have similarities to gaslighting.
If a narcissist accuses you of anything, take a deep breath and engage your logic. Ask yourself if the narcissist shares the trait they accuse you of. And if in doubt, ask a trusted friend.
Narcissist projections aren’t necessarily malicious. But they’re definitely selfish, and don’t have your best interests at heart. So if you spot them, ignore them. Because it’s only when you believe them that they have any power.
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