Most people agree that narcissists can be infuriating. They only think of themselves. They’re not team players. And they’re often difficult to deal with.

Narcissists also like to wind people up. And they usually look to gain a reaction when doing this.

Narcissists have an almost unquenchable thirst for attention. And if they can’t get positive attention, then negative attention will do. So when you shout and swear at a narcissist who’s winding you up, you’re actually playing into their hands. Because this is what they want. They want your negative attention. And it encourages them to wind you up again in the future, should they want more of your attention.

Narcissists also like it when you react to their provocations because it makes them feel powerful. If they can arouse strong emotions with just a few words, then they feel a sense of accomplishment. Because in their mind, they pulled the strings, and you danced to their tune.

That’s why it’s important to stay calm when dealing with narcissists. Because if they find what winds you up, then you can bet your life they’ll use this same tactic over and over again. And they’ll enjoy your attention whenever they want it.

If you can remain calm when dealing with a narcissist, then you don’t give the game away. They don’t find what winds you up. And because you’re calm, they have no incentive to provoke you, once they realise this doesn’t work.

Staying calm is vitally important for your sanity if you are dealing with narcissists. Here’s some tips to help you remain calm when dealing with a narcissist…

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Slow Deep Breathing

This may sound simple, and it is. But slow deep breathing is immensely powerful for helping you calm down.

When you’re stressed or angry, your breathing naturally becomes quicker, more shallow, and more erratic. If you consciously do the opposite, then you naturally calm down.

So instead of breathing fast, shallow, and erratic, focus on breathing slowly, deeply, and evenly. Preferably in through your nose, and out through your mouth.

Try it right now five times, breathing in slowly, deeply, and evenly through your nose. And gently exhale from your mouth. Repeat five times. Feel more relaxed?

You can do this in ANY stressful situation, and it will help you to stay calm and relaxed. Try it when you’re next in a stressful situation. It’s amazing how simple but powerful it is.

Don’t Expect Fairness

With a narcissist in your life, don’t expect fairness. Narcissists aim to take as much as they can, whilst giving as little as possible. And they spend a life time devising ways to achieve this.

You have to expect some unfairness, because it WILL happen. Narcissists are experts at manipulating others to be complicit in their schemes. And they often bully people to agree with them, and to facilitate their needs.

If you let this get to you, then this will be a source of stress and anxiety. And it’s you who’ll suffer the most.

Accept that the narcissist sometimes unfairly gets their way. And look at it this way. Would you really want to be them with all their problems, just to gain these benefits? They’re the real losers.

It’s Not About Winning

If you get into a heated conversation with a narcissist, then to the narcissist it becomes about winning and losing. Don’t get drawn into this mind set.

If you do, then you’re likely to get drawn into a toxic and stressful argument. And you’re unlikely to win.

Narcissists have much more practice than you at arguing. So they usually have a distinct advantage. But even if you do “win”, you’re likely to actually lose.

Narcissists hold grudges. And if you dominate them in an argument, then they’re likely to go to a vulnerable place. And narcissists HATE going there. So they’re likely to be angry with you, and look for revenge. By not getting drawn into an argument, you avoid trouble for yourself in the future.

Remember, It’s Not Personal

It’s useful to remind yourself that narcissists are damaged people. Most have suffered some sort of trauma early in life. And many were not given enough attention as children.

Whilst I’m not making excuses, they act the way they do because of their issues – not yours. So it’s important to remember that it’s not about you. It’s about them and their damaged personality.

When a narcissist is attacking you, it’s not that there’s anything wrong with you. It’s the narcissist. You just happen to be there in the firing line.

If you can, imagine them as a small child. Because they often have the emotional maturity of a young child. And roll your eyes (in your mind) and get on with things.

Meditation

Meditation is great for keeping you relaxed, both mentally and physically. Just 10 minutes a day makes a huge difference to your overall calmness.

Meditation is as simple as you want it to be. You can just close your eyes and count your breathing. Or use more exotic meditation methods.

Check out this guided meditation session I made. It’s great for helping you relax mentally and physically…

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Walk Away

Like I said earlier, narcissists have an almost unquenchable thirst for attention. So if you feel like you’re about to explode, then walk away. Don’t provide any drama, shouting or swearing. Just calmly take yourself away from the situation.

This removes any positives for the narcissist. They no longer have your attention. And they didn’t gain a reaction from you.

This means you’re no longer encouraging their negative behaviours. If you reward their behaviours, then they’re likely to repeat them. By not reacting, and not giving them attention, you’re denying them their reward.

Once the narcissist learns what behaviours make you walk away, they often stop doing them. Because the narcissist realises that they will lose out. They want you to get angry. And they want your attention. If you walk away and don’t give them these things, then they’re likely to refrain from these antagonising behaviours in the future.

Narcissists Are Like Children

Although they can be mature in some ways, most narcissists have the emotional maturity of children. And can be very child-like in some situations.

This is because they wall themselves away from their emotions, top be “strong”. But the downside is that they don’t learn to handle their emotions.

Sometimes it helps to see narcissists for the child they are. And secretly roll your eyes to yourself. Much like you would when a child acts up!

Karma’s A B*tch!

If you’re angry with a narcissist, then it’s worth remembering that they get their comeuppance in the end. You don’t have to seek revenge or plot their downfall. They nearly always do this themselves in the end. So relax, sit back, and enjoy the show!

Final Thoughts

Narcissists can annoy you because of their self absorbed behaviours. And they can wind you up deliberately if they want to feel powerful, or want your attention. Which is why it’s important to remain as calm as you can when dealing with narcissists.

Narcissists also like to make people look crazy. They wind people up persistently until they crack. Then claim you’re crazy once you snap. This takes attention away from their behaviours. And makes YOU look like the narcissist. Which in their mind gets them off the hook.

If you can keep a lid on your emotions, then you deny them power and attention. Which are highly important to most narcissists. And without the promise of power and attention, they soon give up their antagonising ways with you.

The narcissist may test you every now and then, just to see if their tactics work. Narcissists know that you might be more vulnerable down the line. But if you remain calm, and don’t react, then you’ve won the battle.

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