Although about 1% of the population is diagnosed with NPD, many believe the actual figure is 5-10%. I think this is true. If I’m correct, this means by the law of averages most work places contain a narcissist or two.
If you can identify the narcissists, you’re more able to protect yourself. You can better understand their behaviours, and manage them in a more effective way.
Here’s some signs for spotting narcissists in your work place. Plus tips on how to manage their behaviours…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Narcissists Talk About Themselves For Ages
Narcissists either don’t notice, or don’t care that you’re busy. They grind through the gears of a long winded monologue, when it’s clear you’ve things to do.
You might not have asked them a question. They don’t care. There’s no consideration for your time, attention span, or interests. They just want to tell their story. Complete with ALL the boring and unnecessary details.
Narcissists don’t take the hint when you’re edging your way to the door. They continue to talk. I’ve experienced a narcissist continuing to talk, even when the phone needs answering. And continue to talk when I’ve picked it up. Right until the moment the phone has hit my ear!
Narcissists either won’t, or can’t pick up on subtle hints. You have to be polite but direct. “I’m really sorry, but I’ve got to finish this paperwork. I’ll talk to you later.”
Narcissists Take Criticisms Personally
Narcissists take criticisms personally. Even when done in a professional and diplomatic way.
Anything that’s picked up as needing improvement is a blow to their self esteem. And they either have angry outbursts, or quietly seethe inside. And if they seethe inside, they might be thinking of revenge.
Narcissists like to be seen as perfect. Anything less makes them unconformable. It’s a blow to their delusions of superiority.
You have to be super gentle if suggesting improvements. Starting and ending with a compliment helps a lot. “I know you’re really wonderful at your job, but…”
Narcissists Are Bossy
Rather than “ask” someone to do something for them, narcissists have a way “telling”. Especially when it’s to subordinates. It’s often done in a way that makes you feel unconformable.
Narcissists don’t care about your feelings. And they enjoy telling people what to do, and exerting power over them.
Try not to take it personally how they talk to you. It’s no reflection on you. If they take things too far, then explain to them in a calm and rational way. Try not to get drawn into an argument.
Delegate Their Work To Others
Narcissists like to delegate their tasks to others. They’re often lazy, but want to look good. They also like to control people. So delegation is a natural route for them.
They may lie and say they’re busy, and ask for help. Or attempt to bully you into helping.
Either help them and do it willingly. Or politely but firmly say no. If you help them begrudgingly, narcissists often see this as a sign of weakness. Plus it makes you feel bad.
Competitive
Narcissists are super competitive in the work place. EVERYTHING is a competition to them.
This causes them to slate others work standards. Implying they’re better. Put others down to lift themselves up. But you can use this to your advantage.
If you need something doing fast or well, find a way of coaxing the narcissist by the use of competition. “Let’s see if we can get this done faster than the other department.”
Narcissists Use Jargon
I’ve noticed that many narcissists use a lot of jargon. This is to make themselves sound more knowledgeable and important.
I remember one always using the word “liaise” whenever she could. And say the word slightly louder. “I’ll LIASE with the manager later and find out.”
Although it can be irritating, it’s pretty harmless. Just roll your eyes (in your mind) and carry on.
Final Thoughts
It’s inevitable during your working life you’re going to work with narcissists. And it’s not like you can cut them out your life. Once you’ve identified them, you can protect yourself. And find ways to get the best out of them.
You need to be more direct with narcissists, and set firm boundaries. But at the same time, you have to cut them some slack. You may need to turn a deaf ear to their subtle digs, or their boasting.
Narcissism is a form of social disability. I’m in no way making excuses for them. But sometimes you have to make allowances. The last thing you want is to be drawn into a long standing feud with a narcissist at work. It’ll make your life a misery.
Be pleasant and professional. And privately roll your eyes to yourself when you need to. But set firm boundaries with things that matter.
I’m not pretending they’re easy to deal with. They’re certainly not. But you CAN help matters. Throwing in the odd compliment here and there helps grease those squeaky wheels. Just don’t expect any compliments in return!
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Unfortunately this advice is mostly for avoiding becoming a target. Once you are a target, you face the full malignant malice of these Egopaths. There is no working with these monsters then, all your efforts are sabotaged. You are dead meat. You cannot convince a Narcissist you are not a threat, you can only convince them they had no idea how right they were. Your only option is to become an uncontrollable threat at that point.
https://www.quora.com/q/laughingatnarcs/The-Circle-of-Slaves
For more info:
https://www.quora.com/Will-a-narcissist-continue-to-target-you-if-you-show-no-interest-in-them/answer/Conner-Wood-8
Yes Conner, things can be much more difficult if they’re targeting you. In the past I’ve found I’ve had to have one big argument with them. Then they seem to back off.