Weaponized incompetence is where narcissists pretend they can’t do something, or they exaggerate their inability. Which forces someone else to take the reigns. Often their significant others.
Weaponized incompetence may be a conscious deliberate ploy to get out of doing things. Or a subconscious tactic, learnt from a young age. But whatever the cause, it’s frustrating when you’re on the receiving end.
Most people engage in weaponized incompetence from time to time. So it’s not necessarily a sign of narcissism. But narcissists, particularly covert narcissists, take this to another level.
Narcissists use weaponized incompetence to get out of significant amounts of work. And don’t compensate for it in other areas. In a healthy relationship, it might be fair if one person hates washing clothes. So they wash the dishes instead.
Narcissists use weaponized incompetence to do as little as possible. Whilst taking as much as they can. And sometimes they can be so sly, no one realises what they’re up to.
Here’s a few examples of how narcissists use weaponized incompetence…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Examples Of Weaponized Incompetence
A narcissist might consistently make cups of tea so foul that you spit them out in disgust. But they’re rewarded for their poor efforts, because you become the designated drinks maker.
When doing the laundry, a narcissist may deliberately mix whites with reds. Ruining your clothes. So you learn that it’s not worth asking them in future.
When cooking dinner, the narcissist may burn or under cook the food. Or claim they struggle working the oven. Anything to get out of it. And you’re left pulling your hair in frustration at their feeble attempts.
In the workplace, narcissists may deliberately neglect learning certain jobs that are boring, hard work, or less glamorous. So their colleagues have to take up the slack.
Taking It Further
If a narcissist is particularly sneaky, then they may take it further. And OFFER to do the chores they’re intentionally“ bad” at.
They may offer you a cup of tea, knowing you’ll decline because it’s undrinkable. Or offer to wash your clothes, knowing you prefer to keep them their original colour.
By offering, they can claim credit for trying to help. Even though they had no real intention. And there’s more…
Offering to help allows them to complain that they “can’t do anything right” if you object to their poor efforts. And use this to get out of doing almost anything. Because they turn it around and claim it’s not worth them bothering, because you’ll only complain anyway.
On top of this, narcissists may create the illusion that you’re always nit-picking them. And use it to justify almost any bad behaviour. Even if it’s totally unrelated. By claiming your “nit-picking” drove them to it. So if you catch them cheating, they may claim that your “constant complaining” made them do it.
Extreme Example
I once heard a story about a narcissist who had to look after his young son for the afternoon. Being a narcissist, he considered looking after children as beneath him. So when his wife left, he dropped his son off at a relatives.
Once free from the burden, the narcissist went to the pub for some whiskies, before returning home. A while later his wife returned, and the son was nowhere to be seen. He stated that he was out in the garden playing, but he wasn’t there. So she frantically searched the home, and nothing.
Eventually the Police were called, and the Mother was now distraught. Descriptions were given to the police, and a search was underway. Even a police helicopter was sent out to look for the child.
A few hours later, the relative phoned to ask when they were picking up the child, and it was discovered that he was safe. The narcissist claimed he forgot that he dropped his son off. But I find that difficult to believe. Because surely it would have jogged his memory once he couldn’t be found.
By creating such drama, the narcissist ensured he’d never “babysit” again. And after such a distressing time, who’d blame any Mother for not trusting him to look after his own children?
Malignant Narcissists
If the narcissist is malignant, then they may use weaponized incompetence for more than just getting out of work. They may also use it to deliberately hurt and frustrate.
The malignant narcissist may get off from ruining your best clothes. Knowing this upsets you. Or enjoy destroying your favourite crockery. Just to see the look on your face.
Malignant narcissists use weaponized incompetence to get away with cruel behaviours. Hiding behind a veil of incompetency. Because it’s difficult to know for sure whether it was done with intentional malice.
Why It Happens More At Home Than In Work
Narcissists are more likely to use weaponized incompetence at home than in the work place. And that’s largely down to society’s and narcissists perception of what’s important.
Capitalist societies tell us that work and earning money is vitally important. And climbing the corporate ladder is more lauded than being a good parent or spouse.
Narcissists don’t like to “waste” their efforts. So they may put in tonnes of effort at work, for the money, status, and kudos. But do little at home, because there’s no glory in it.
This leads to the frustrating situation where the narcissist complains to their family about their lazy co-workers. But is equally as lazy in the home.
Final Thoughts
Weaponized incompetence is another tool in the narcissists toolbox to manipulate. And create massive inequalities in work loads.
Weaponized incompetence often contains an element of gaslighting. Particularly when it involves a narcissist. Because they may use it to blame you for their own narcissistic behaviours.
You’re often made to feel that your standards are ridiculously high. And you’re constantly nit-picking their honest efforts.
This leaves their partners feeling partly or wholly to blame. So they back off and get on with the chores. Because they learn that it’s not worth challenging them. And the narcissist gets away scot-free.
Please CLICK HERE For How Narcissists Train You Not To Ask For Anything
Or Scroll Down For My Most Popular Posts (Mobile)…
After having a laptop, cellphone & iPad digitally investigated (with his knowledge) he still claims he doesn’t know how the incriminating evidence showed up since he’s not really computer literate. Swears none of it was him. Same with Google maps showing precise locations on his cellphone, impossible, wasn’t him! Five years of proof yet he’s standing by his story & to prove his victimization has moved out.
They often work on the principal that if they deny it hard enough, there’s at least a small shred of doubt in your mind. And that might be enough to get them off the hook.
They seemingly envelope themselves with self-serving deceptions. This is what brings me to conclude, they are pure evil! Your simpathy, is their greatest weapon.
Yes, they sometimes convince themselves of their lies. Which is probably a contributory factor for why they often suffer with delusions.