When you let a narcissist in, they don’t just want to be a part of your life. They want to take it over.
Narcissists see people as commodities, like a car. Possessions to be used. With this mindset, they control people, and take over their life.
Narcissists typically do this with their romantic partners. But they may take over the lives of family and friends too.
Narcissists think the universe revolves around them. They think about themselves all the time. And expect everyone else to think about them all the time too.
This is because they have delusions of grandeur. And want to believe they’re superior to everyone else.
If they take over your life, they place themselves firmly in the spotlight. And expect you to focus solely on them. This supports their delusions of grandeur.
Here’s a few ways narcissists take over peoples lives. Please feel free to add your experiences in the comments at the end…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Spend Lots Of Time With You
Particularly at the beginning of romantic relationships, narcissists often spend huge amounts of time with their target. Often inappropriately so. But they usually get away with it.
Narcissists bring out the charm, with excessive flattery and kindness. They imitate your interests and even your characteristics. So you think you’ve found your soul mate, “the one”.
They may see you most days. Giving you little time to spend with anyone else. And this is what they want.
By distancing you from others, the narcissist takes over. You’re almost exclusively their “property”. Regularly fed their thoughts and opinions. Without much opportunity to discuss them with anyone else.
Slowly but surely you succumb to their influences. And see the world through their eyes. Becoming more influenced by them.
Phone And Message All The Time
If they’re not spending time with their target, they may phone and message throughout the day. This supplements the already huge amounts of time they spend with them.
If it’s a romantic relationship, the narcissist may react angrily if the calls aren’t answered. Or the messages aren’t returned immediately.
This encourages people to be on constant alert for their calls and messages. Worried they might upset the narcissist if they don’t respond quickly. And this means you’re considering their needs ALL THE TIME. Even when they’re not around.
Exhausted
Being around their target and contacting them all the time, prevents you spending time with others. Because… there’s only so many hours in the day.
Spending time with a narcissist may leave you exhausted. Because they’re not the easiest people to spend time around. So during the rare moments they’re not around, or on the phone, you probably want a rest.
Narcissists make more demands the closer you get. You’re expected to do favours, listen to their problems, and do as you’re told. If they want to stay up until 6am, then you should too. They don’t care about your other commitments.
Their demands may leave you exhausted. Giving you little energy to do anything else.
Prevent You Spending Time With Others
As well as draining your time and energy, narcissists have many other methods of preventing you from spending time with others.
They may act jealous if you spend time with someone else. And give you such a hard time, it’s not worth the hassle.
Narcissists are also known to manufacture arguments between their target and their friends or family. Typically the narcissist waits for someone to do something wrong, then blows it out of proportion. And repeatedly encourages you to fall out with friends and family.
If you share a home, the narcissist may act “off” with your visitors. Which discourages them from visiting again.
Slowly but surely you lose contact with people in your life. And you become the exclusive property of the narcissist.
Make You Dependant On Them
Narcissists sometimes make people dependant on them, so they can take over their life. They may persuade a partner to move in with them, away from their friends and family. Or give up their job, promising to support them.
Once you’ve taken the leap of faith, they change. They no longer need to be kind and charming. They’ve got you over a barrel. So they unleash their controlling narcissistic side. And REALLY take over your life. And because they control almost EVERYTHING, it’s difficult to resist.
If you depend on them for money and a roof over your head, they have almost total control over you. So if you don’t give in to their demands, they use their superior position against you.
Gaslighting
Narcissists may take over your mind by gaslighting. This is where they get you questioning your sense of reality. And accept their biased narrative instead.
The narcissist may repeatedly tell you you’re crazy. Or have a poor memory, for example. Some even go as far as secretly hiding and moving things to convince their partners they’re forgetful, or “losing it”.
Once you accept you have problems with reality, it hands almost total power to the narcissist. Because whenever you question them about anything, they put it down to your poor memory, or your supposed craziness.
It’s a free pass to get away with anything, and place the blame on you. If you spend a lot of time with the narcissist, and little with anyone else, it’s easy to fall prey to gaslighting. They literally hijack your sense of reality.
Crush Your Dreams
Narcissists don’t want you having goals and dreams. Because that shifts your focus from where it should be – on them. So they may sabotage them.
They may accuse you of cheating if you go to the gym. “Who are you trying to impress?” Persuade you to miss evening classes. Or ridicule your paintings, hoping you give up.
Narcissists don’t care what damage they cause by crushing your dreams, because they don’t have emotional empathy. They’re too busy focussing on themselves. And firmly believe you should be too.
Narcissists remove as many “distractions” from your life as possible. So you’ve more energy to put into them. They gradually dismantle your world, then take it over.
Final Thoughts
It’s sad that once a narcissist has taken over someone’s life, they quickly get bored. They’ve got what they want, yet they’re still unfulfilled.
The world is a lonely place when you solely focussed on yourself. And narcissists are usually desperately unhappy. Even when they get what they want. So they take this out on you.
They blame you for their unhappiness. Because it couldn’t possibly be their fault – they’re perfect. So they focus on your flaws. And let’s face it, we all have them.
This narcissist gradually devalues and treats you worse. The insults and the snide comments increase in regularity and intensity. They’re cold most of the time. And some have affairs.
They take over your life, then reject you. Leaving you lost and a shell of your former self.
The only way is to get out. This gives you chance to rediscover yourself, and take back your life. It belongs to you, and you deserve it.
Please CLICK HERE For Why Narcissists LOVE Marriage
Or Scroll Down For My Most Popular Posts (Mobile)…
Hey Jon,
This describes my ex, but I think he is also a psychopath, and a sadist. He thoroughly enjoyed inflicting pain, both mentally/emotionally, sexually, and physically on me. I filled out a test for psychopathy on him, and he scored a 88%, which probably would have been higher, but I had to answer “don’t know” for several questions. Would you consider writing an expose on this kind of narcissist? So many of the people I have been in relationships with, from family, friends, acquaintances, and even therapists, and doctors, seem to fit the description of psychopath/narcissist. I would like to know why I attract this kind of person, and how I can avoid them in the future. In my life, it almost seems like some kind of conspiracy. Both my parents were abusive, as well as my siblings. I often wondered if I was kidnapped from a loving home, and set up to be a forever victim. My alcoholic father abused me sexually, and my mother was mean and cold, as well as my sister, and three brothers (who also sexually abused me). It amazes me that I survived, and that I didn’t also turn out like them, but instead I am considered to be a very giving and empathetic person. Please enlighten me with your perspective – it sometimes seems like the whole world is going crazy!
Barbara
That’s terrible! I hope Jon responds with some wisdom as you need help. I have a great therapist who has saved me . Working on boundaries, red flag 🚩 recognition, how I attach and why and inner work / self esteem . You need to accept and realised why you attract them ( ppl pleasing , porous boundaries. Co dependent type ) no offence but this is why and if stems from childhood trauma which you’ve had plenty of And find a therapist you click with who doesn’t just reflect back what you say but can give answers , that specialises in this type of abuse . Who is kind too . It works . I’m looking into EMDR which you only need a few sessions ( they are recommending this for lockdown trauma too ! ) to help.
Don’t date or talk to anyone but good friends etc who are genuine till your healed. Also on Quora there is tons on this topic from all sorts of ppl xxx
Hi Barbara. Sorry to hear your story. Enjoying someone’s suffering is a sign of psychopathy. Narcissists usually cause suffering as a by-product of their selfishness, rather than because they enjoy it.
I feel ya, most of my life I’ve been a narcissist magnet. One of my parents was one. Most of my significant relationships have been with them. And many of my friends. I think to some extent they groom you from an early to accept their behaviours. Also their behaviours become normalised because it’s so prevalent around you.
Narcissists and psychopaths seem to be able to smell someone who’s a good fit for them. Someone who’s highly empathetic, has weaker boundaries, and it very forgiving.
I agree with what Rachel has said. Find a therapist that specialises in narcissistic and psychopathic abuse. And don’t be afraid to get rid of them until you find one that properly understands what you’ve been through. Then work with them to unpick your early “training”, working on your boundaries and other issues.
Do some learning on the subject, and as Rachel says, connect with other people who’ve had similar experiences. Quora is great for that. There’s also Facebook groups. I’ll have a think about what to write on the subject. Hope this helps.
Yes Jon , I do share these with therapist who finds them v interesting and spot on. I don’t share publicly as rather ppl close to me who know the story etc not see it on show . Only reason . But this describes it to a T. Even telling me I couldn’t put up pics couple years old on Facebook. Buying me new expensive clothes asking me to choose at most inappropriate times , thus chose some as extras , his taste of course . I got to point of when I went to get something to wear if I would be mad fun of , or would compare it to something derogatory. All about labels too . Refused to come into certain shops with me as ‘ beneath’ him ???? Tried to isolate me literally from my kids and friends who knew what he was . Laughed that I had fake family and fake friends . Far as I saw they had no real friends ( just hangers on waiting for a handout ) and own kids couldn’t stand him . He did everything he could . Including when I chose s film a was called weird . What do you make of this ??? Ask me ? They were weird , flight of ideas , an addict to all sorts and really a train wreck . In every way you can think of . You could see ppl roll their eyes and turn away when walked in anywhere . And only spoke as he pushed it . Truly , better off retiring from the narc and whatever else as not even successful at that !!!!!!!
Sounds like he was doing the typical devaluing and controlling thing narcissists do. Getting you walking on egg shells around him no doubt.
Him not going into shops is him saying he’s not only above the shop and all the people who go in it. He’s also above you. This is his delusions of superiority. Criticising films you choose – it’s likely he’d have criticised ANYTHING you chose. Just to put you down, so that he can feel above you. And also to knock your self esteem.
Narcissists often project their faults onto others. So if he has no real friends, he accuses you of this. This is a desperate attempt to fool himself and you of his shortcomings.
Described like you know the monster personally. I am also the reason he is fat and lazy. If I would just tell him what to do he would do it. I can’t escape yet but I have a therapist thankfully.