Narcissists want to be admired. As we all do. But narcissists have a greater need than most.

Narcissists have delusions of grandeur, and expect special treatment. Even when they’ve achieved little to merit this.

Many narcissists become good self promoters to receive the acclaim they feel they deserve. And to receive the special treatment they think is their birth right.

Some narcissists work hard to improve their skills, and their standing. But the majority learn to artificially big themselves up, to make themselves appear more capable and successful than they really are.

Here’s some of the ways I’ve noticed narcissists self promote to exaggerate their competence and success…

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Narcissists Brag

The obvious way to self promote is to brag about your accomplishments. Most narcissists aren’t shy about telling people how great they are.

The more sophisticated and covert narcissists find subtle ways of bragging. They brag without appearing to brag. They might casually slip in an accomplishment during an unrelated story they’re telling.

Another sly way of bragging is by being self depreciating. The narcissist may say they’re terrible at something they know they’re good at. Then wait for the compliments to fly in.

Lie

Many narcissists unashamedly lie about their accomplishments. Faking academic qualifications seems a particular favourite amongst narcissists. because it’s hard to disprove, unless you ask to see their certificates.

Narcissists often lie about how much money they earn. Because to them, their earnings are a measure of their worth. And it’s easy to make a figure up.

Male narcissists in particular lie about how many people they’ve slept with. The higher the number, the more desirable they must be. So they greatly inflate the numbers.

Most narcissists, irrespective of gender, like people thinking they’re a highly sought after prize. And they’re regularly fighting them off with a stick. So they try to give off this impression.

Triangulate

Many narcissists triangulate to make themselves appear more sought after. Triangulating is essentially playing two or more people off against each other.

A narcissist might for example have a partner, and a number of friends the same sex as their partner. They subtly flirt with their friends and confide in them about their relationship problems. Leaving the friend thinking they may become more than friends.

The narcissist then sets up a competition, where the friends and their partner fight for their attention. The narcissist does this by boasting to the others any acts of generosity, or kind words said. Then encourage them to outdo each other, whilst they sit pretty in the middle, collecting the rewards and the accolades.

To outsiders it can appear they have a legion of fans. But really the narcissist sets this up with the clever use of manipulation and psychology.

Surround With Less Successful People

Most narcissists prefer being a big fish in a small pond, rather than a small fish in a big pond. So they surround themselves with people who are less successful than them. Then they have an entourage of admirers who look up to them.

It’s not the success that narcissists crave. It’s adoration. So most are happy to appear successful, rather than actually be a success.

Associate With Successful People

Narcissists often treat successful people much better than regular folk. And there’s good reason for this. They want to be associated with them. Especially the more confident narcissists.

Many narcissists want to be seen with the rich and successful. Because that makes them rich and successful by association. So they kiss up to these people to draw them in.

Don’t be surprised if they end up in relationships with successful people they’re not particularly attracted to. Image is EVERYTHING to a narcissist. And many are prepared to live a lie to enhance their public profile.

Be Seen With Expensive Items

Many narcissists are poor with money. Partly because they use money to prove themselves. Narcissists want to be seen with the best clothes, cars, jewellery etc. And in the best restaurants and night spots.

Some impress with their generosity. And flash their cash with the biggest tips, and buying drinks all round. They’re never discreet with their generosity! But in private they’re often mean.

Many narcissists get into debt because of their spending. They’d rather appear wealthy and be in debt, than be financially stable. Often they borrow and borrow, until the wheels eventually fall off.

Narcissists Use Long Words

Some narcissists try to impress by using long complicated words. Even when a simple word will do. But they often drop clangers, and use these words incorrectly.

Instead of sticking with words they’re comfortable with, narcissists take risks. They think they’re more intelligent than they are. And others are less intelligent. So they feel they can get away with using words they have a sketchy understanding of.

I’ve heard many narcissists use words incorrectly. And think they’re getting away with it. But really people were too polite to correct them. So they had no idea they were embarrassing themselves!

Turn To Crime

Some narcissists are so desperate to be wealthy and “successful”, they turn to crime. They may sell drugs. Or steal, or commit fraud.

Narcissists don’t usually make good criminals, and often get caught. They often have many enemies, and can’t help boasting about their cash. Which is a recipe for disaster in the world of crime!

Final thoughts

Here’s just a few ways narcissists make themselves appear more successful than they really are. Many narcissists put more energy into appearing to be successful, than they do into actually being a success.

It seems that appearing happy, successful and wealthy is more important than actually being that way. Whilst this may be relatively harmless, they can drag others down with them.

Many people leave relationships with narcissists in massive debt. Sometimes with debt they weren’t aware of.

I’ve known narcissists to run up huge debts in their partners names. All to keep up appearances. And when the relationship breaks down, it’s the ex that picks up the tab.

So just remember this. If there’s a narcissist in your life, the chances are they’re not as happy, rich, or successful as they make out. Usually they fake it, but rarely do they make it.

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